本文目录一览：
- 1、短英语小笑话大全？
- 2、经典英语笑话6篇
- 3、英语搞笑笑话8篇
- 4、又短又好笑的英语笑话
- 5、简短的英语小笑话精选
- 6、有哪些英语小笑话？给我来十个（越短越好）
- 7、5个浅显易懂的英语小笑话有哪些？
- 8、简短英语小笑话
- 9、非常短的英语小笑话
短英语小笑话大全？
笑话是一种颇受人们喜爱的民间叙事型别,材料丰富,有广泛的现实基础。我整理了简短爆笑英语笑话，欢迎阅读!
简短爆笑英语笑话篇一
A gentleman came to an inn on a very cold day, and could get no room near the fire.
He called to the hostler to fetch a peck of oysters, and give them to his horse.
"Will your horse eat oysters?"said the hostler.
"Try him,"said the gentleman.
Immediately the people ran to see this wonder, and the gentleman who alone remained in theroom, chose the best seat by the fire and made himself fortable.
怎样在火炉旁找个座位
在一个严寒的冬日,一位绅士来到了一家小客栈,发现火炉旁没有空位了.于是,他让旅店里的马倌去取些牡蛎来喂他的马。
马倌说:"您的马吃牡蛎吗?"
"你试着喂吧."绅士答道。倾刻间,人们都跑去看这一奇观,而绅士却独自呆在屋里,他在炉旁找了个最好的座位,怡然自得起来。
简短爆笑英语笑话篇二
An artist had painted a child holding a basket of fruit. A friend of his, who admired this picture,wishing to show its perfection, said to some persons who were examining it that the fruitappeared so natural that the birds came to peck at it. A countryman, who heard these praises,said: "If this fruit is as well represented as you say, it is not so with the child, since he does notfrighten the birds."
毁誉掺半的画
一位艺术家画了张画:一个孩子提着一篮水果.他的朋友很欣赏这幅画,他很想告诉别人这画的美妙之处,就对几个正在细看画的人说,画中的水果画得多么逼真,连鸟都会来啄的. 一个村夫听了这些赞美的话就说:"如果水果画得真像你说的那样好,那么小孩就画得不怎么样了,因为他没有吓住那些鸟."
简短爆笑英语笑话篇三
A class of Physics at school. The teacher: "Now, who can tell me anything about heat?" A *** allboy held up his hand: "Heat makes things larger, Sir, and cold makes things *** aller." “All right! ”Give an example." "In summer days are longer because it is hot, in winter they are shorterbecause it is cold."
热和冷
学校里正在上物理课.
老师提问:"现在谁能讲一讲对热的认识?"一个小男孩举手回答:"老师,热能使东西膨胀,冷能使东西缩小."老师说:"很好,举一个例子.""夏季,白天变长,因为天气太热;冬季白天缩短,因为天气太冷."
经典英语笑话6篇
英语笑话是指以一句英文短语或一个英文故事让说话者和听者之间觉得好笑,或是产生幽默感,笑话是一种经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言,笑话是一种艺术方法。下面是我整理的英语爆笑笑话，欢迎大家阅读!
英语笑话一：
我要做的一切就是付钱!All I do is pay
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My
wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,
and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your
position?"
"I’m the people. All I do is pay."
布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子
是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”
“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢?”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”
英语笑话二：
喂狗 For the Dog
The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.
"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"
"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"
一家人在饭馆里吃过晚饭，父亲把服务生叫了过来。
”先生，什么事?“服务生问。
”我儿子的盘子里剩下许多肉，“父亲说，”能给我们一个袋子吗?我把剩下的东西带回去喂狗。“
”啊呀，爸爸!“儿子激动地叫喊着。”咱家养狗了吗?“
英语笑话三：
脑移植 A Brain Transplant
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."
一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。
“你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。”医生告诉病人，“一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。
病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的差别，“政治家的大脑好一些吗?”他问。
医生说：“不是好一些，只是没有用过。”
英语笑话四：
不是我的错
It's not my fault
Mother (reprimanding训斥，谴责 her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.
Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.
不是我的错
妈妈(正教训她的女儿)：你不该拽猫的尾巴。
女儿：妈，我只是握着猫尾巴，它自己在拽。
英语笑话五：
Coins in American Currency 美国的硬币
There are 100 cents in a dollar. Coins come in the following denominations: $.01 or 1 cent (a penny,a cent, one cent), $.05 or 5 cents (a nickel, five cents),$.1 or 10 cents (a dime, ten cents), $.25 or 25 cents(a quarter, two bits, twenty-five cents), and $.50 or50 cents (a fifty-cent piece).
Coins are called "change", "small change", or"silver" though they aren’t made of silver anymore.
Coins are generally recognized by their size, butsomebody "goofed" on the dime, which is smaller than either a nickel or a penny. All the others are in size order.
One more word for you: don’t hold out your hand with either bills or coins and expect someone to take the correct change from you. That cannot be done in any Western country.一美元中有一百美分。硬币是按下列币值铸造的：一美分，五美分，十美分，二十五美分，五十美分。
硬币也叫"零钱"，"小钱"，或"银币"，虽然它们不再是用银子铸成的。总的说来，硬币是通过大小来识别的，但总有人把十美分搞错，它比五美分和一美分都要小。其他的都按币值的大小顺序排列。
还有一点要说明：你不能伸出手，托出一把纸币和硬币而希望别人从你那里拿走数目正确的零钱。这在任何西方国家都是不好的。
英语笑话六：
Now We Run 现在我们跑吧
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"
一个牧师正沿着街走路，这时他看到街对面有个小男孩正试图按一所房子的门铃。但这个小孩太小了，门铃又高，他够不着。看到那个小男孩费了很多劲，牧师走近了他。牧师优雅地穿过马路，走到小家伙的背后，轻轻地把手放在小男孩肩头，按响了门铃。他弯下身子，微笑着问道：“接下来怎么办，孩子?”小男孩回答说：“接下来我们跑。”
英语搞笑笑话8篇
下面是我整理的英语搞笑笑话8篇，欢迎大家阅读!
英语搞笑笑话：Imitation 模仿
A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it.
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it.
一个男孩放学回家时，觉得肚子痛。来，坐下，吃点点心，妈妈说，你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。
一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，说是头痛。
你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的，他那聪明的儿子说，里面装点东西，就会好的。
英语搞笑笑话： Fried chicken
In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"
Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."
老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。然后他问其中一名学生，“杰克，你最喜欢哪种鸟儿啊?”
杰克想了想，回答，“炸鸡，老师。”
英语搞笑笑话：I've Just Bitten My Tongue
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
英语搞笑笑话：我刚咬破自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么?”
“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
How much English can you speak?
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to
be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his
way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
"法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。
而且，他只会说几个 英语单词 。"
法官看了看被告，问道："你会说多少英文?"
被告抬起头，说："把你的钱包给我!"
英语搞笑笑话：He Won 他赢了
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗?
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿?
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
英语搞笑笑话：Three pastors 三个牧师
Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(阁楼) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.
Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(钟楼) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.
The third said, I baptized(洗礼) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!
三个南部的牧师在一家小餐馆里吃午饭。其中的一个说道：“你们知道吗，自从夏天来临，我的教堂的阁楼和顶楼就被蝙蝠骚扰，我用尽了一切办法----噪音、喷雾、猫----似乎什么都不能把它们赶走。”
另外一位说：“是啊，我也是。在我的钟楼和阁楼也有好几百只。我曾经请人把整个地方用烟熏消毒一遍，它们还是赶不走。”
第三个牧师说：“我为我那里的所有蝙蝠洗礼，让它们成为教会的一员......从此一只也没有再回来过。”
英语搞笑笑话：Excited Remarks 激动的话
Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals(长声尖叫) of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I'm going to have one of those someday, his dad's response always was Not as long as I'm alive.
One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I'm getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.
我五岁的儿子对摩托车有强烈的 爱好 。只要看见一辆摩托车，他就会高兴得哇哇直叫，并激动地说：瞧这辆!瞧这辆，我总有一天也要有一辆。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活着，你就别想有这玩艺儿。
一天我们的儿子跟他的小朋友在说话，有一辆摩托车开了过去。他兴奋的指着摩托车叫道瞧这辆!瞧这辆!等我爸一死我就要有这样一辆摩托车了。
英语搞笑笑话：Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
Here is the situation, she said. A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?
A girl raised her hand and asked, to draw out all of his savings?
小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。
他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会 游泳 ，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么? 一个女生举手答道，是不是去取他的存款?
又短又好笑的英语笑话
又短又好笑的英语笑话
总是有些时候莫名其妙的不开心，心情不佳的时候就会办什么都不在状态，你会这样么?这里我收集整理了又短又好笑的英语笑话，让你的心情速速好起来。
又短又好笑的英语笑话一：The cowboy without a horse A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.
He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and starte.
又短又好笑的英语笑话二：How To Deal with a Doberman A highly timid little man, Casper Milquetoast, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, 'Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?'
A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, 'It's my dog. Why?'
'Well,' squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, 'I believe my dog just killed it, sir.'
'What?' roared the big man in disbelief. 'What in the hell kind of dog do you have?'
'Sir,' answered the little man, 'It's a four week old puppy.'
'Bull!' roared the biker, 'How could your puppy kill my Doberman?'
'It appears that he choked on it, sir.'
又短又好笑的英语笑话三：Who is Stupid? A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
中文：
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼?”老师问。
“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”
又短又好笑的英语笑话四：I knew I could count on you! Smith goes to see his boss in the front office. "Boss," he says: "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage."
"We're short-handed, Smith." the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"
中文：
史密斯去找他的'老板。“老板，我们家明天有很重的工作要做，我妻子让我修阁楼和车库。”
“可我们很缺人，史密斯。”老板答道，“我不可能放你的假。”
“谢谢，老板。”史密斯说，“我就知道你会帮我。”
又短又好笑的英语笑话五：Dog in heat A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."
The little girl went to the garage and asked "Dad, may I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Susie was in heat, and to come talk to you."
Dad said, " Bring Susie over here" He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear-end with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash.
Dad asked, "Where is Susie?"
The little girl said, "She will be here in a minute, she ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home."
;
简短的英语小笑话精选
笑话从另一个角度反映着人们对于各种现象的态度,笑话是民族幽默的集中体现方式之一。下面是我带来的简短的英语小笑话，欢迎阅读!
简短的英语小笑话精选
(一)
make your own bed
Farmer: If you want to spend the night here, you'll have to make your own bed.
Traveling salesman: That's perfectly all right.
Farmer: Here's a hammer and saw. Good night.
(二)
给父亲账单
Send the Bill to My Father
Doctor: ″I can do nothing for your complaint. It is hereditary.″
Patient: ″then send the bill to my father,please.″
给父亲账单
医生:“对你的抱怨我无能为力。那是遗传病。”
病人:“那请你把账单给我父亲吧。”
简短的英语小笑话阅读
(一)
Excited Remarks
Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I’m going to have one of those someday, his dad’s response always was Not as long as I’m alive.
One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I’m getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.
激动的话
我五岁的儿子对摩托车有强烈的 爱好 。只要看见一辆摩托车,他就会高兴得哇哇直叫,并激动地说:瞧这辆!瞧这辆,我总有一天也要有一辆。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活着,你就别想有这玩艺儿。
一天我们的儿子跟他的小朋友在说话,有一辆摩托车开了过去。他兴奋的指着摩托车叫道瞧这辆!瞧这辆!等我爸一死我就要有这样一辆摩托车了。
(二)
A simple sense
Once upon a time, there were two hungry people got a gift: a senior and a basket fresh fishing huge fish. Among them, a person to a basket fish, another a rod, so they parted. Get the in situ fish sticks who build up a fish, and cook bonfires, yet he tasted the fish meat, fish soup, even in he ate, and soon, he starved to death in the empty fish basket. Another person is carrying rod to starve, step by step, hard to the edge, but when he has not seen the blue sea, he was the last bit of strength and make out, he can only with endless regret looking salto earth.
And two hunger, they also received a gift elders and a basket fishing rod. But they did not each rush thing, but agreed together to find the sea, they only cook fish, they pass distant journey, came to the sea, and they began a fishing day, after a few years, they built a house, with their families, children, had built a boat, the well-being of life.
A person only, get the immediate benefits will be short, One goal, but also to face the reality of life. Only the ideal and the reality, to combine may become a successful man. Sometimes, a simple, but enough to give people a meaningful life.
关于简短的英语小笑话
(一)
BlackBerry or iPhone
BlackBerry has just unveiled its new model handset, the Bold, in an effort to match the competition of Apple's
iPhone. The latter's intuitive touch-sensitive screen has been a big selling point, but critics say the BlackBerry's
keyboard makes it more user-friendly, especially for email. Which gadget tops your wishlist?
(二)
A Half-price Ticket
半价票
"How much is the movie ticket?"
“电影票多少钱一张?”
"Ten dollars, kid."
“10美元，孩子。”
"I only have five dollars. Please let me in. I'll see it only with one eye."
“我只有5美元。请让我进去吧，我只用一中眼睛看。”
有哪些英语小笑话？给我来十个（越短越好）
1.What's the best day to eat fried fish and chips?那一天是最好的日子去吃炸鱼和薯片？
Fry-Day (近似"friday")
2.What's the best month to eat toast?那一个月是最好的月份去吃土司？
Jam-uary(jam意为果酱，而jam-uary又近似january一月，所以答案为一月）
3.What do you get if you eat too much dessert?当你吃太多的点心时你会得什么？
A stomach-cake(本题答案想表达的是肚子痛，此答案和肚子痛stomach-ache相近）
4.Monster school pupil: What are we cooking for lunch today?
怪物学院学生：今天的午饭要煮什么？
Monster school teacher: Shut up and go to the stove.
怪物学院老师：闭嘴并去到撸子里。
4. What's worse than finding a slug in your salad?有什麼比找到鼻涕虫塞在你的沙拉？
A half slug.半个鼻涕虫。
5.“waiter,waiter.There are some worms on my plate".服务员，服务员，我的盘子里有一些虫子！
"I didn't see any worms.Those are your sausages.我并没有看到什么虫子,那些是你的香肠。
6.Why did the man stare at the carton of orange juice？为什麼男人盯著橙汁纸箱？
Because it said 'concentrate'.因为它说：“集中”。
7.Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的？
汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇动瓶子了
8.A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,'Get the kid.'
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
9.Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
10.
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A:what is your name? 你叫啥名？
B:Hu胡（谐音:谁）
A:you~你
B:Hu~胡
A:Who?谁？
B:yes, I am~是，我就是
A:I want to know your name我只是想知道你的名字
B:Hu胡啊
A:You!你！
B:Yes, my name是啊，我的名字啊
A:So tell me about it那就告诉我啊
B:Hu!胡！
A:You! What is your name!? 你！你叫啥名？！
B:Hu is my name!我就叫胡
A:O~哦
三 Expensive Price
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
昂贵的代价
牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？
牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了
能让我们的老师回去吗？
有一次，一位督学去视察一个只有三间教室的学校。一间教室非常吵闹，因此督学抓住其中一个正在站着说话的人，把他带进另一间教室，并让他站在墙角。五分钟以后，一个小男孩从第一间教室走进来，问道，“您什么时候能让我们的老师回去呢？”
二 Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
One night just before Valentine's Day a woman had a lovely dream about a beautiful necklace.
When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it could mean?"
"You'll find out on Valentine's Day." he said with a knowing smile.
On Valentine's Day, the man gave his delighted wife a beautifully wrapped package.
Excitedly, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".
情人节前一天，一个女人做了个项链的梦。
当她醒来，她和她丈夫说：“我刚梦到你情人节给了我一根珍珠项链。你说那是什么含义呢？”。
“到情人节那天你就会知道了。”他笑着说。
情人节那天，男人给了他老婆一个礼盒。
她很兴奋地打开，看到的却是一本书，书名是《梦的解析》。
1、英语笑话（一）??
老师在黑板上写了一句：Time?is?money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”???
小明上英文课时跟老师说：May?I?go?to?the?toilet????
老师说：Go?ahead.??
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May?I?go?to?the?toilet????
老师说：Go?ahead.??
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？???
小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！???
2、英语笑话（二）??
某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I?am?hong tao?liu，外宾曰：我TM还是方片七呢！???
3、英语笑话（三）??
江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss?Jiang,?you?are?very?beautiful."?翻译照翻，江青心花怒?放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。??
翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where??Where?"?外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere,?everywhere."??
翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："You?are?not?allowed?to?see,?you?are?not?allowed?to?see."??
4、英语笑话（四）???
话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大?拇指道：「I?AM后羿！」??
B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I?AM丘比特！」??
轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！?结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」???
5、英语笑话（五）??
某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，?忙说：I?am?sorry.???
老外应道：I?am?sorry?too.???
某人听后又道：I?am?sorry?three.???
老外不解，问：What?are?you?sorry?for????
某人无奈，道：I?am?sorry?five.?
6、英语笑话（六）??
一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOyOTA！Made?in?Japan!?It?is?very?fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说：?“oh，NISSAN！Made?in?Japan!?It?is?very?fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made?in?Japan!?It?is?very?fast！”??
后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How?Much？”出租车司机说：“1000！”??
日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer（计?程表）！Made?in?Japan!?It?is?very?fast！”?
7、英语笑话（七）??
传说克林顿和教皇同一天去世，上帝搞错了，把克林顿送上了天堂，而把教皇送入了?地狱。发现错误后上帝马上改了回来，路上二人相遇。?精彩继续教皇：感谢上帝，我终于能见到圣母玛利亚了（Virgin?Maria）.?克林顿（坏笑中）：Sorry，it"s?too?late.?
8、英语笑话（八）?
小强去看电影，到了电影售票处，发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带比得好半天，就自告奋勇的上前做翻译，售票小姐说：麻烦你告诉她，现在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站着看。??
小强转头就对老外说：no?sit?see,?stand?see.?if?see?stand?see.?
老外回答说:Sorry?I?don’t?understand?your?English.??
小强就对售票小姐说：哦，他说他不懂英文....
踩了一个老外的脚，为了显示咱国家是有名的礼仪之邦，就先SORRY啦，老外更是礼貌有加，就来个sorry?too.?
two??the?chinese?puzzled.恩，咱中国人还不是得礼尚往来？！~那就I?am?sorry?three~???这下老外蒙了，一句what?are?you?sorry?for??
晕，还有完没完啊，还FOUR？！~哼，偶跟你卯上了，Iam?sorry?five~(who怕?who？！~）?
9、英语笑话（九）?
我朋友在南大看到一非洲老外：“hello，你妈是猴儿。”老外用纯正的天津话说：“你妈是大猩猩！”?
10、英语笑话（十）?
"Are?we?poisonous?"?the?young?snake?asked?his?mother.??"Yes,?dear,"?she?replied?-?"Why?do?you?ask?"??"Cause?I've?just?bitten?my tongue!?"?????????????????????
“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”??“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
5个浅显易懂的英语小笑话有哪些？
1、爆笑英语小笑话1：Who are stupid？谁蠢？
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid stand up!”
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said “Do you think you’re stupid Johnny?”
“No ma’am but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。
“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”
2、爆笑英语小笑话2：A great man一名伟人
Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a greatman if he were still alive today?
Student: Of course. He must be a great man for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.
老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？
学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。
3、爆笑英语小笑话3：Two Cute dogs
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper “Does
your dog bite?”
The shopkeeper says “No my dog does not bite.”
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch” he says “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”
The shopkeeper replies “That is not my dog.”
一个男人走进了一家商店，看到了一个可爱的小狗，于是他问店主：“你的狗咬人吗？”
店主说：“不，我的狗不咬人。”
这个男人就试图抚摸狗，然后狗咬了他。“哎呀”他说：“我还以为你说你的狗不咬人呢！”
店主和他说：“那不是我的狗。”
4、爆笑英语小笑话4：Four gold teeth四颗金牙
6.Policeman: Why didn’t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth they’d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。
5、爆笑英语小笑话5：Barking dogs don’t bite吠狗不咬人
The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.
“It’s all right” said a gentleman “don’t be afraid. Don’t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don’t bite?”
“Ah yes” answered the little girl. “I know the proverb but does the dog know the proverb too?”
一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”
简短英语小笑话
简短英语小笑话
简短英语小笑话一：
I Wasn't Listening Mother asked her little daughter who was reading a book. "What are you reading, dear?" "I don't know." the little girl answered. "You don't know? But you were reading aloud, so you must know." "I was reading aloud, mummy, but i wasn't listening," explained the child.
简短英语小笑话二：
Actual Age The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming for a long time. She decided to get his attention. "Johnny," she said, "If the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I? "Thirty-four," Johnny answered unhesitatingly. The teacher replied "Well, that's not far from my actual age. Tell me...how did you guess?" "Oh, there's nothing to it," Johnny said. "My big sister is seventeen and she's only half-crazy."
简短英语小笑话三：
Goldfish Little Amy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Amy?" "My goldfish died," replied Amy tearfully, without lookingup, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Amy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."
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非常短的英语小笑话
非常短的英语小笑话
当听别人说笑话的时候觉得不大好笑，还会觉得冷很冷，可是自己看的时候，却笑到不行，你有这样的经历么?以下的非常短的英语小笑话，希望能让你欢乐笑不停。
非常短的英语小笑话(一) 纹身
A few months after Tom and I were married一during World War II, he was shipped off to Pearl Harbor. In one of his first letters，he wrote，"I'm going to have a Navy battle-ship tattooed on my chest.”
二战中，汤姆和我刚结婚几个月，他就被派到珍珠港。在他早期的一封信中，他写道:“我想把海军战舰纹刻在胸前。”
Instead of pleading, I answered simply,“Send me a pitcture of your tattoo，and I'll have a duplicate put on my chest. "
我没有劝阻，只是简单地回了信:“给我寄一张你纹旁的照片来，然后我也在我的'胸前仿纹一个。”
We have been married for 51 years. Neither of us has a tattoo.
我们现在已结婚51年了，谁也没纹过身。
非常短的英语小笑话(二) 关心
A customer at my teller's window was grumbling about the low interest rate on his savings account. He finally said he was just going to take all his money out of the bank，dig a hole in his back yard and bury it.
一位顾客站在我的出纳窗口前，埋怨存钱的利率太低。最后，他说他妥把所有的钱从银行里取出来，在自家后院挖个坑，把钱理了。
The teller next to rne leaned over. "Sir，I couldn't help overhearing. Tell me, what is your address?".
隔壁窗口的出纳员探过身来说:“先生，我实在不怒愉听，但还是听到了，告诉我，您住在什么地才?”
非常短的英语小笑话(三) 过分紧张
My little girl loves animals，but one day she was bitten by a small field mouse she'd found. She carried it home in her pocket and told me what happened. Worried about rabies，I called our town humane society and was told that the animal would have to be examined, and they'd send someone for it.
我的小女儿喜欢动物。但有一天，她被一只她找到的小田鼠咬了一口。她把那小动物放在口袋里带了回来，并把所发生的一切都告诉了我。由于害怕她被传染上鼠痊，我给镇上的私区医院打了电话。他们告诉我这个小动物应被检查一下，还说他们会派人去把它取走。
When the humane-society truck pulled up，a big man got out，put on a pair of gauntlets and took a capture stick and a big cage from the back of the truck. Trying not to laugh, I handed him a small shoe box containing the mouse.
社区医院的卡车停在了我家门口，一个大个子下了车，他戴上了防护手套，从车的后箱里取出一根棍子和一个笼子。我
尽量克制自己不笑出来，把那装有小田鼠的杜盒子递给了他。
"Lady，"he said，seeing my expression, "they only told me it was a wild animal. "
“太太，”当他看到我的表情时他说，“他们只告诉我说是好生动物。”
非常短的英语小笑话(四) 异奇!
My first waitressing job was in a coffee shop. We featured a lunch special called "Tuna Salad Surprise"，a tuna sandwich served with soup and chips. When our sandwich maker didn't show up for work one hectic Saturday，we had to prepare our own sandwiches.
我做招待工作始于咖啡店。我们有道午餐特餐叫“金枪鱼沙拉异奇”。这个套餐实际上就是把金枪鱼三明治、汤、薯条技在一起吃.一个例霉竹星期六，我们那做特餐三明治的
厨师没来上班，我们只好自己准备三明治。
A man sat down and ordered the special. I raced to the sandwich board，prepared the order，poured his coffee and rushed to the next customer. Later，as I delivered his check,he noted politely that he had never. eaten a potato-salad sandwich before. Horrified at my mistake，I asked，”Why didn't you tell me it was potato salad instead of tuna?"
一位男食客坐下来，要了这道特餐。我跑到了三明治拒台，替他准备好了套餐，又给他倒了一杯咖啡，就开始招待下一位食容。不久，我把帐单递给了要特餐的食客.他很礼
貌地说，他从没吃过土豆沙拉三明治。这时我才意识到我把三明治弄错了，我真有点害怕了。我问他:“你为什么不早告诉我特餐是土豆沙拉而不是金枪鱼沙拉呢?”
"I thought that was the surprise.”
“我还以为那就是所谓的异奇呢.
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