本文目录一览：
- 1、英语幽默笑话小故事
- 2、经典英语笑话6篇
- 3、英语幽默小故事7篇
- 4、短的英语笑话故事
- 5、笑话英语小故事
- 6、英语长篇笑话故事
- 7、英语幽默笑话大全--英文故事
- 8、英语幽默小故事16篇_英语趣味小故事
- 9、英语搞笑故事
英语幽默笑话小故事
英语幽默笑话小故事
英语幽默笑话小故事一：
Very Pleased to Meet YouDuring World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers. One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I'm going abroad tomorrow, but I'd be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months. Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England. Joan went there and said to the matron, "I've come to visit Captain Humphreys." "Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said. "Oh, that's all right," answered Joan. "I'm his sister." "I'm very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I'm his mother!"
英语幽默笑话小故事二：
Two SoldiersTwo soldiers were in camp. The first one's name was George, and the second one's name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?" Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him. Then George said, "Now I haven't got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one. Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?" Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door. George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped. "What do you want now?" Bill said to him. George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What's your girl-friend's address?"
英语幽默笑话小故事三：
est Point My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point." One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."
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经典英语笑话6篇
英语笑话是指以一句英文短语或一个英文故事让说话者和听者之间觉得好笑,或是产生幽默感,笑话是一种经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言,笑话是一种艺术方法。下面是我整理的英语爆笑笑话，欢迎大家阅读!
英语笑话一：
我要做的一切就是付钱!All I do is pay
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My
wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,
and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your
position?"
"I’m the people. All I do is pay."
布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子
是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”
“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢?”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”
英语笑话二：
喂狗 For the Dog
The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.
"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"
"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"
一家人在饭馆里吃过晚饭，父亲把服务生叫了过来。
”先生，什么事?“服务生问。
”我儿子的盘子里剩下许多肉，“父亲说，”能给我们一个袋子吗?我把剩下的东西带回去喂狗。“
”啊呀，爸爸!“儿子激动地叫喊着。”咱家养狗了吗?“
英语笑话三：
脑移植 A Brain Transplant
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."
一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。
“你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。”医生告诉病人，“一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。
病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的差别，“政治家的大脑好一些吗?”他问。
医生说：“不是好一些，只是没有用过。”
英语笑话四：
不是我的错
It's not my fault
Mother (reprimanding训斥，谴责 her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.
Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.
不是我的错
妈妈(正教训她的女儿)：你不该拽猫的尾巴。
女儿：妈，我只是握着猫尾巴，它自己在拽。
英语笑话五：
Coins in American Currency 美国的硬币
There are 100 cents in a dollar. Coins come in the following denominations: $.01 or 1 cent (a penny,a cent, one cent), $.05 or 5 cents (a nickel, five cents),$.1 or 10 cents (a dime, ten cents), $.25 or 25 cents(a quarter, two bits, twenty-five cents), and $.50 or50 cents (a fifty-cent piece).
Coins are called "change", "small change", or"silver" though they aren’t made of silver anymore.
Coins are generally recognized by their size, butsomebody "goofed" on the dime, which is smaller than either a nickel or a penny. All the others are in size order.
One more word for you: don’t hold out your hand with either bills or coins and expect someone to take the correct change from you. That cannot be done in any Western country.一美元中有一百美分。硬币是按下列币值铸造的：一美分，五美分，十美分，二十五美分，五十美分。
硬币也叫"零钱"，"小钱"，或"银币"，虽然它们不再是用银子铸成的。总的说来，硬币是通过大小来识别的，但总有人把十美分搞错，它比五美分和一美分都要小。其他的都按币值的大小顺序排列。
还有一点要说明：你不能伸出手，托出一把纸币和硬币而希望别人从你那里拿走数目正确的零钱。这在任何西方国家都是不好的。
英语笑话六：
Now We Run 现在我们跑吧
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"
一个牧师正沿着街走路，这时他看到街对面有个小男孩正试图按一所房子的门铃。但这个小孩太小了，门铃又高，他够不着。看到那个小男孩费了很多劲，牧师走近了他。牧师优雅地穿过马路，走到小家伙的背后，轻轻地把手放在小男孩肩头，按响了门铃。他弯下身子，微笑着问道：“接下来怎么办，孩子?”小男孩回答说：“接下来我们跑。”
英语幽默小故事7篇
若是你在 学习英语 的过程中感到很枯燥，不妨来读一些英语幽默小 故事 放松放松。英语幽默故事简短，内容诙谐幽默，情节生动有趣，相信在你在阅读的同时也可以一起学习英语哦。这次我给大家整理了英语幽默小故事，供大家阅读参考。
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英语幽默小故事1
My husband，Michael，a bus driver，was passing a deserted bus stop when one of his passengers called out that a woman wanted to get on. He pulled up to the curb and opened the doors.
我丈夫，麦克是个开大巴士的。一次当他刚要开过一个无人上下车的车站时，一位乘客喊过有位老妇人要上车。麦克把车停靠在马路边，打开了车门。
After a minute，Michael saw an elderly woman with a cane crossing the street slowly.
过了足有一分钟，麦克才见到一位老太太拄着拐杖，慢腾腾地过着马路朝车子走来。
He waited patiently as she made her way to the bus and climbed the steps.
麦克衬心地等她来到汽车旁上着台阶。While she was looking in her purse for her bus pass，he began to close the doors.”Wait a minute!”she snapped."My mother's coming.”
趁老太太打开钱包找月票的工夫，麦克欲关门，老妇人阻止道:“等一会，我妈妈还在后面呢!”
英语幽默小故事2
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."
Bernie应邀来到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie发现，不管问他老婆什么问题，Morris总要在每句话的前面加上一些亲密的称呼，象蜜糖，我的爱人，亲爱的，甜心等等。Bernie对Morris说，“你们夫妻俩真够亲密的，结婚这么多年了，你还叫她叫得那么亲密。”Morris低下头，小声地对Bernie说，“老实跟你说吧，三年前我忘记老婆的真名是什么了。”
英语幽默小故事3
Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them. One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?" His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."
两个男人正在穿过丛林，突然，一只老虎出现在远处，向他们冲来。 其中的一个人从包里拿出一双“耐克”鞋，开始穿上。另一个人惊奇地看着他说，“你以为穿上这个就可以跑得过老虎吗?” 他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得过它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。”
英语幽默小故事4
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
一个女孩去 拜访 她的金发朋友，这个朋友最近养了两只“狗”，于是女孩问道：“它们叫什么名字呀?”
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
金发朋友说，一只叫Rolex，另一只叫Timex。
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?
女孩说：“哪有狗狗叫这个名字的。”
"HELLLOOOOOOO..." answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"
“那个……”金发朋友说。“他们是监视器!”
英语幽默小故事5
Too Much Pressure
For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job，but now I found out the real reason：I’m tired because I’m overworked.The population of this country is 237 million.104 million are retired.That leaves 133 million to do the work.There are 85 million in school，which leaves 48 million to do the work.Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government，leaving 19 million to do the work.2.8 million are in the Armed Forces，which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.At any given time there are 188，000 people in hospitals，leaving 1，212，000 to do the work.Now，there are 1，211，998 people in prisons.That leaves just two people to do the work.You and me.And you’re sitting at the table reading jokes.
压力太大
多年以来我一直感到很疲惫，我曾经把原因归咎为缺乏睡眠以及来自于工作上的巨大压力。但是，我现在找到了真正的原因：我感到疲倦是因为我超负荷工作。我们这个国家有2.37亿人口。其中1.04亿已经退休了。还剩下1.33亿在工作。有8，500万人还在上学，工作的就剩下4，800万。这其中还有2，900万联邦政府雇员，真正做事的就剩1，900万人，又有280万人在服兵役，就剩下1，620万人在工作。从中再去掉各州和市政府的雇员1，480万人，还剩下140万人工作。但又有18.8万人生病住院，现在只剩下121.2万人工作。其中1，211，998人在坐牢。这样仅剩下两个人在工作，就是你和我。而你却坐在桌边看笑话。
英语幽默小故事6
Top 9 Reasons to Study Economics
Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands."
Economists can supply it on demand .
You can talk about money without ever having to make any.
You get to say "trickle down" with a straight face .
Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out .
When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.
If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE".
Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward , in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.
When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.
学习经济学的九大理由
经济学家们会武功：“小心我们的无影手。”
经济学家们能够做到有求必应。
你可以不必挣钱而对金钱夸夸其谈。
你可以开始拉着脸说“涓滴”这一术语了。
米克·贾格尔和阿诺德·施瓦辛格两人都学过经济学，看看他们后来都成为了什么样的人物。
站在失业队伍里的时候，至少你会知道自己为什么失业。
假如重新安排“经济学”这个词包含的字母，你得到的是“小丑的鼻子”。
伦理学教导我们坚守德行本身即是回报，在经济学中我们得到的教导则是获得回报本身即是德行。
喝醉了的时候，你可以告诉所有人你只是在体验边际效用递减规律而已。
英语幽默小故事7
Nobel Prize in Economics
Economics is the only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing.
Or Economics is the only field in which two people can share a Nobel Prize for saying opposing things. Specifically, Myrdal and Hayek shared one.
(A rumor has it that there was a similar case in neuroscience, Golgi and Cajal, maybe economists are not so different!)
诺贝尔经济学奖
两个持完全不同观点的人都能够获得诺贝尔奖，这种情况只有在经济学领域才会发生。
或者两个持完全不同观点的人能够分享诺贝尔奖，这种情况也只有在经济学领域才会发生。具体而言，缪尔达尔和哈耶克就是如此。
(有传言称在神经科学领域也有类似情形，比如戈尔吉和卡哈尔，所以经济学家也许并非那么另类。)
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短的英语笑话故事
短的英语笑话故事大全（精选13篇）
笑话具有篇幅短小，故事情节简单而巧妙，往往出人意料，给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象，具有讽刺性和娱乐性。其趣味有高下之分。接下来由我为大家整理出短的英语笑话故事，仅供参考，希望能够帮助到大家！
短的英语笑话故事 篇1 Where is your beard?
After many years, a young Jewish Talmud student who had left the old country for America returns to visit the family. "But--where is your beard?" asks his mother upon seeing him. "Mama," he replies, "in America, nobody wears a beard." "But at least you keep the Sabbath?" "Mama, business is business. In America, everybody works on the Sabbath." "But kosher food you still eat?" "Mama, in America, it is very difficult to keep kosher." The old lady ponders this information and then leans over and whispers in his ear, "Isaac, tell me--you’re still circumcised?"
短的英语笑话故事 篇2 They Didn't Have Nike's In Those Days
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we'll talk about it."
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if he could use the car. His father said, "Son, I'm really proud of you. You brought your grades up, studied the bible well, but you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."
His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went."
短的英语笑话故事 篇3 Polly Want a WHAT?
This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest asked.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."
"Thank you," said the lady.
The next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes! Do you want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and screams, "Frank! Put the Bibles away--our prayers have been answered!"
短的英语笑话故事 篇4 Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to Chinafromher visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directlyfromAmerica."
短的英语笑话故事 篇5 Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
短的英语笑话故事 篇6 Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
短的英语笑话故事 篇7 West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."
短的.英语笑话故事 篇8 Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
短的英语笑话故事 篇9 Napoleon Was Ill
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
"He‘s a good boy," said Jack‘s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."
"No, no, that‘s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!"
"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack‘s father. "You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."
短的英语笑话故事 篇10 He Was Only Wrong by Two
Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren‘t always smart enought to be accepted by the college.
One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I‘d better ask him a few questions first."
Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn‘t know any of the answers.
At last the dean said, "Well, what‘s five times seven?"
The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six."
The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."
短的英语笑话故事 篇11 I worked as a mailman for a short time. However, I am afraid of dogs and I had a lot of trouble.
One day I tried to deliver some letters to a big house. I started to open the gate and all of a sudden a huge dog ran towards me.It growled and barked at me, I threw the letters over the fence. The dog picked them up and carried them into the house. The dog was a better mailman than I was!
短的英语笑话故事 篇12 good news and bad news
"there's good news and bad news," the divorce lawyer told his client.
"i could sure use some good news," sighed the client. "what's it?"
"your wife isn't demanding that your future inheritances be included in the settlement."
"and the bad news?"
"after the divorce, she's marrying your father."
短的英语笑话故事 篇13 After my husband，John，and I moved to Michigan from Nebraska，our new friends，proud of their beautiful tree一lined roads，teased us about the Mid-west's dull，flat，treeless land. When my parents，Nebraska farmers，visited us，I asked them about their trip.
What a boring drive，"my father replied."Once you get to Michigan, there's nothing to see but trees."
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笑话英语小故事
下面是我整理的笑话英语小 故事 ，希望对大家有帮助。
笑话英语小故事：We are friends(我们是朋友)
Tommy is turtle. He has no daddy, no mummy and no friends.
Tommy 是一只乌龟。他没有爸爸、妈妈和朋友。
He is crying. A bird comes. She says: “I can fly. Let’s fly!”
他在哭。一只小鸟过来了。她说：“我会飞，让我们一起飞吧。”
Tommy says: “ no,no, I can’t fly!”
Tommy 说：“不，不，我不会飞。”
A rabbit comes. He says: “ I can jump. Let’s jump!”
一只兔子过来了。他说：“我会跳。让我们一起跳吧。”
Tommy says: “no, no. I can’t jump!”
Tommy说：“不，不。我不会跳。”
A monkey comes. He says:“I can climb the tree. Let’s climb the tree!”
一只猴子过来了。他说：“我会爬树。让我们一起爬树吧。”
Tommy says: “ no, no. I can’t climb the tree!”
Tommy说：“不，不。我不会爬树。”
A duck comes. He says: “I can swim. Let’s swim!”
一只鸭子过来了。他说:“我会 游泳 ，让我们一起游泳吧!”
Tommy smiles: “ we are friends!”
鸭子笑了：“我们是朋友!”
笑话英语小故事：Little mouse(小老鼠)
It’s a sunny day. A little mouse wants to go out and play.
这是一个晴朗的一天。一只小老鼠想要去外面玩
But he is afraid of the cat . so he peeks and peeks.
但是它害怕猫。 所以左看看右看看
He peeks to the left and peeks to the right.
它看了左边又看右边
Suddenly, the mummy mouse shouts.
突然，老鼠妈妈叫道：
“watch out! Watch out! The cat is here , the cat is here.”
“小心!小心! 猫在这里，猫在这里”
笑话英语小故事：The hart in the ox-stall
A hart was being pursued by some dogs. It ran into an ox-stall, and hid itself in a truss of hay. Only the tips of its horns could be seen.
Soon after the hunters came to the stable, and asked if anyone had seen the hart. The stable boys looked around, but could see nothing. So the hunters went away.
Later the master came in. He looked around, and saw that something unusual was there.
He pointed to the truss of hay, and asked, "What are those two strange things?" When the stable boys went to look, they discovered the hart.
牛栏里的雄鹿
●一只雄鹿被猎狗追赶得很急，跑进牛栏里，躲在一大堆干草里面，只有鹿角尖露在外面。
●猎人们很快来到牛栏，询问是否有人看到这头鹿。牧童们四处张望，什么也没有看到，于是猎人们走了。
●不久，主人回来了，他四处检查时，觉得有些异常。
●他指着那堆干草问：“那两个怪模怪样的东西是什么?”牧童们上前来翻寻，发现了那只鹿。
寓意: 在逃避一种危险时，不要忽视另一种危险。
笑话英语小故事：The eagle and the arrow
An eagle was flying in the sky. As soon as it saw a rabbit, it swooped down on its prey.
Suddenly it was hit by an arrow.
It fluttered slowly down to the earth, and blood was pouring from the wound.
When the eagle looked down, he found that the shaft of the arrow was feathered with one of its own plumes.“Alas!”it cried.“We often give our enemies the means for our own destruction.”
鹰和箭
●鹰在天空中飞翔，当他看见一只野兔时，就俯冲下来捕捉猎物。
●突然，有人一箭射中了它。
●鹰扇着翅膀降落在地面上。鲜血从伤口中喷涌而出。
●它低头看到箭尾竟是由一根它自己的羽毛制成的，就痛苦地说：“唉，我们总是给敌人提供毁灭我们自己的工具!”
寓意: 人们常常因自己的原因而受到伤害，那种痛苦更令人难受。
英语长篇笑话故事
英语长篇笑话故事（通用7篇）
故事是一种文体，它是通过叙述的方式讲一个带有寓意的事件，那你知道关于讲述“笑话故事”有哪些吗？下面是我为大家整理的英语长篇笑话故事，仅供参考，欢迎大家阅读。
英语长篇笑话故事 篇1 A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?
一位年轻的母亲认为，世界上还有许多受饥饿的人，浪费食物真不应该。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前，她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油，但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。母亲看了女儿几秒钟，随即说道，露茜，当我象你一样小的时候，总是吃面包加黄油，或者面包加果酱，从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。露茜看了母亲一会儿，眼中露出怜悯的神情，然后她柔声说：您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗?
英语长篇笑话故事 篇2 A father said to his sons: "Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it?"
The oldest son replied: "Father, Ill eat it all!"
The father then said: "Tomorrow Im going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it?"
The same son answered: "Father,Ill eat it all!"
The father added: "Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough?"
The oldest son answered again: "Its always me, always me. Now its someone elses turn to volunteer!"
总是我
一位父亲对他的儿子们说：“你们的妈妈明天要烙一张馅饼，谁要吃呢?”
大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”
父亲接着说：“明天我要杀一口猪，谁要吃呢?”
又是大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”
父亲又说：“明天我们要耕地，谁想耕地呢?”
大儿子再次回答道：“总是我，总是我，这次还是让其他人来做吧。”
英语长篇笑话故事 篇3 Good news: Two boys went out climbing trees.好消息：两名男童出去爬树。
Bad news: wone of them fell out.坏消息：其中有一人摔下来了。
Good news: There was a hammockbeneathhim.好消息：他下面有一个吊床。
Bad news: There was a rakebeside the hammock.坏消息：吊床旁边有一个耙子。
Good news: He missed the rake.好消息：他和耙子擦肩而过。
Bad news: He missed the hammock too !坏消息：他也和吊床擦肩而过！
英语长篇笑话故事 篇4 The squad（班，小队） were having "visual training". One smart recruit（新兵，招募） was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field. The party was so faraway（遥远的，恍惚的） that the men appeared as mere dots, but unhesitatingly（迅速地） the recruit replied：
"Sixteen men and a sergeant（中士，军士） , sir."
"Right, but how do you know there's a sergeant there?"
"He's not doing any digging, sir."
班里正在进行“视力训练”。一个聪明伶俐的新兵被班长叫出来数远处旷野上采掘队的人数。采掘队在很远的地方，那些人看起来只是一些小点儿。但是这个新兵毫不犹豫地回答。
“十六个兵外加一个中士，长官。”
“正确，可是你怎么知道那儿有一个中士？”
“他不干活，长官。”
英语长篇笑话故事 篇5 不必再看眼科医生了
It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally，she made an appointment for me.
我己经很多年没做眼睛检查了。我妻子总是催我去挂个号。她越是督我，我越是耽搁不去。最后，她替我挂了个号。
The day before I was to see the doctor，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,
在我去见医生的前一天，我的.情绪特别好。我对妻于又是亲又是抱，还说她是我眼里最漂亮的女人.
"That does it,”she said.“I'm canceling your appointment."
她说:“这回眼睛没问题了，那我现在就去把号退了。”
英语长篇笑话故事 篇6 After my husband，John，and I moved to Michigan from Nebraska，our new friends，proud of their beautiful tree一lined roads，teased us about the Mid-west's dull，flat，treeless land. When my parents，Nebraska farmers，visited us，I asked them about their trip.
我和丈夫约翰从内布拉斯加搬到密西根后，我们新认识的朋友们总为他们美丽的林荫大过引以为荣.他们嘲讽我们的中西部平原荒凉、贫瘩，连株枯树都没有。后来我父母从内布拉斯加的老家来看我们，我问他们对旅途的感受。
What a boring drive，"my father replied."Once you get to Michigan, there's nothing to see but trees."
我父亲抱怨着:“枯澡，乏味，一进入密西根，除了树什么都没有。”
英语长篇笑话故事 篇7 The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a story. From time to time, she would take her eyes’ off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by she was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
小女孩坐在祖父的膝上读故事。她时不时的从书上转移视线抬起头来碰到他褶皱的脸。随后她摸摸自己的脸颊又回去摸摸祖父的。
Finally she spoke, "Granddaddy, did God make you?"
最后她问：“爷爷，是上帝创造的你吗？”
"Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
“是啊，甜心。”他回答道：“上帝很久前创造出了我。”
"Oh" she said, then "Granddaddy, did God make me too?"
“喔。”她回答。接着又问道：“爷爷，上帝也创造了我吗？”
"Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago."
“是啊，当然了宝贝。”他向她保证：“上帝只是不久前创造的你。”
"Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?"
“喔。”她回答。又分别感受了两人的脸颊，边观察边说：“上帝的技术越来越好了，是不？”
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英语幽默笑话大全--英文故事
幽默笑话:葬礼(一)
Afuneralserviceisbeingheldforawomanwhohasjustpassedaway.
有一场刚过世的女子的葬礼正在举行。
Attheendofthepall1bearersarecarryingthecasketoutwhentheyaccidentallybumpintoawall,shakingthecasket.
到了仪式的尾声，正当抬棺材的人要将棺材抬出之际。他们一不小心撞到了一面墙壁，摇动了棺材。
Theyhearfaintmoan.
他们听到了一个微弱无力的呻吟声。
Theyopenthecasketandfindthatthewomanisactuallyalive.
他们将棺材打开，发现到这个女子实际上还活着。
Shelivesfortenmoreyears,andthendies.
她又活了十多年，然后就死了．
Aceremonyisagainheldatthesameplace,andattheendoftheceremonythepallbearersareagaincarryingoutthecasket.
在同样的地点再次举行葬礼，而在葬礼的尾声，抬棺材的人又再次要将棺材抬出去。
Astheyarewalking,thehusbandcriesout,"Watchoutforthatdamnwall!"
正当他们在走路的时候，老公大声叫说：“小心注意那面该死的墙壁。
幽默笑话:守护天使(二)
Amanwaswalkinginthestreetwhenheheardavoice:
有一名男子正走在街上的时候听到一个声音：
"Stop!Standstill!Ifyoutakeonemorestep,abrickwillfalldownonyourheadandkillyou."
“停！站住不要动瞅口果你再走一步，就会有一个砖块掉到你的头上砸死你。”
Themanstoppedandabigbrickfellrightinfrontofhim.
这名男子停住了，一个大砖块就掉在他的面前。
Themanwasastonished.
这名男子非常惊讶。
Hewenton,andafterawhilehewasgoingtocrosstheroad.
他继续向前走：不久后，他要穿越马路。
Onceagainthevoiceshouted；
那个声音再次叫说：
Stop!Standstill!Ifyoutakeonemorestepacarwilloveryouandyouwilldie."
“停！站住不要动，如果你再走一步，就会有一辆汽车辗过你，你就会死掉。”
Themandidashewasinstructed,justasacarcamecareeningaroundthecorner,barelymissinghim.
这名男子因为曾被指示过，所以就照着做，此时正好有一辆汽车左摇右晃地冲过转角处，差一点撞上他。
"Whereareyou?”themanasked,"Whoareyou?"
这名男子问说：“你在哪里？你是谁？”
"Iamyourguardian1angle,"thevoiceanswered.
这个声音回答说：“我是你的守护天使。…”
"Ohyeah?"themanasked."AndwherethehellwereyouwhenIgotmarried?"
这名男子问说：“喔，是吗？那我结婚的时候：你死到哪里去了？”
幽默笑话:上帝造人(三)
Amanwaswanderingaroundinafield,thinkingabouthowgoodhiswifehadbeentohimandhowfortunatehewastohaveher,
有名男子在田野里徘徊,心里想着他的老婆对他有多么好，他多么幸运拥有她。
HeaskedGod,"Whydidyoumakehersokindhearted?"
他问上帝：“你为什么要把她造得这么心地善良？”
TheLord1responded2,"Soyoucouldloveher,myson."
主响应说：“我儿呀，这样你就会爱她呀。”
"Whydidyoumakehersogoodlooking?"
“你为什么要把她造得这么貌美呢？”
"Soyoucouldloveher,myson."
“我儿呀，这样你就会爱她呀。”
"Whydidyoumakehersuchagoodcook?"
“你为什么要把她造成一个很会做饭菜的人呢？”
"Soyoucouldloveher,myson."
“我儿呀，这样你就会爱她呀。”
Themanthoughtaboutthis.
这名男子想了一下这件事。
Thenhesaid,"Idon'tmeantoseemungratefuloranything,but,whydidyoumakehersostupid?"
然后他说:“我并不是有意好像我不知好歹，或是什么的,可是，你为什么把她造得这么笨？”
"Soshecouldloveyou,myson."
“我儿呀，这样她就会爱你呀。”
英语幽默小故事16篇_英语趣味小故事
在繁忙的学习工作中，阅读一些幽默笑话是我们放松心情的好方式。既然这样，那么你知道英语幽默小 故事 有哪些吗？下面我为大家带来英语幽默小故事16篇_英语趣味小故事，希望大家喜欢!
英语幽默小故事1：Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
幽默故事翻译：中间战术
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。
英语幽默小故事2：Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."
"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"
幽默故事翻译：
在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要 出国 ，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。
后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。
琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”
“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。
“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”
“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”
英语幽默小故事3：Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
幽默故事翻译：
军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”
比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。
乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。
这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”
比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。
乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。
“你还要什么?”比尔问。
乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
英语幽默小故事4：Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
幽默故事翻译：五个月大
第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。
“你多大了?”军医问。
“十八，长官。”约翰说。
“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”
约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”
英语幽默小故事5：West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."
幽默故事翻译：
父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的 橄榄球 赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好让我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会得到什么。”
一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。”
英语幽默小故事6：Present for Girlfriend
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."
幽默故事翻译：送给女友的礼物
在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。
那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不--在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”
英语幽默小故事7：Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
幽默故事翻译：慎重许愿
一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。
庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。
妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。
接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”
仙女拾起了 魔术 棒。“呯!”，他变成了90岁。
英语幽默小故事8：Wood Fire
One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. "Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened."
"Does that mean," asked the other, "that they make ashes of themselves?"
幽默故事翻译：森林之火
一名妇女向她最好的朋友大谈雄性动物的特性：“丈夫们就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他们就会燃烧起来。”
“那是不是意味着，”另一个问道，“他们将自己烧成灰烬?”
英语幽默小故事9：Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in."
幽默故事翻译：最好的奖赏
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。
“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”
英语幽默小故事10：Napoleon Was ill
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
"He‘s a good boy," said Jack‘s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."
"No, no, that‘s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!"
"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack‘s father. "You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."
幽默故事翻译：拿破仑病了
杰克到一所大学去学历史。第一学期结束时，历史课教授没让他及格。学校让他退学。然而，杰克的父亲决定去见教授，强烈要求让杰克继续来年的学业。
“他是个好孩子，”杰克的父亲说：“您要是让他这次及格，我相信他明年会有很大进步，学期结束时，他一定会考好的。”
“不，不，那不可能，”教授马上回答。“你知道吗?上个月我问他拿破仑什么时候死的，他都不知道。”
“先生，请再给他一次机会吧。”杰克的父亲说：“你不知道，恐怕是因为我们家没有订报纸。我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。”
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英语搞笑故事
① 英文幽默故事
Marriage Proposal to Bernard Shaw Once a beautiful and dissolute British actress wrote to propose marriage to Bernard Shaw． She said she did not mindBernard Shaw's old age and ugliness because he was a genius． And if they could bine the beauty of the woman with the talents of the great man，that would be greatly harmonious． “With your wisdom and my appearance，our children must be perfect．” Bernard Shaw answered，in a letter，that her imagination wassplendid，“But，what if the children take my appearance and yourwisdom？” 向肖伯纳求婚 英国有位美貌风流的女演员，曾写信向肖伯纳求婚。她说，因为他是个天才，她不嫌肖伯纳年迈丑陋。假如能使女郎的美貌和超人的天才结合，那该是多么协调啊。“咱们的后代有你的智慧和我的美貌，那一定是十全十美了。” 肖伯纳给她回了一封信说，她的想象很是美妙，“可是，假如生下的孩子外貌象我，而智慧又象你，那又该怎么办呢？”
② 幽默英语故事
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse es up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got ins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse es up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse es up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got ins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
③ 英语幽默笑话故事
Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a *** all box with holes punched in the top. " What's in your box?" asked the friend. "A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them." "But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend. "So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown. 猫和老鼠 布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。“盒子里装的是什么？”朋友问道。“一只小猫，”布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。“小猫也是假想的。”布朗夫人小声说道。
④ 关于英语的幽默故事
Three Surgeons 三个有名的外科医生 Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "A man came to me who had his hand cut off," said one. "Today that man is a concert violinist." "That's nothing," said another. "A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner." "I can top both of you," said the third. "One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horse's posterior - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate." 三个有名的外科医生正在吹嘘他们的技术。“一个人断了一只手，他来找我，”一个说，“如今那个人是个音乐会的小提琴手。” “这算不了什么，”另一个说。“一个家伙两条腿断了，他来找我，我将它们接了回去。如今，那人是马拉松选手。” “我比你们两个都强，”第三个说，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的车祸。除了一个马 *** ，和一幅眼睛，什么都没有留下。如今，那人坐在美国参议院里。” 一天3个人比赛射击。A，50步射中某人头上的苹果说：I am A。B，100步射中说：I am B。C，150步，开枪后说：I am sorry.
⑤ 四个英语经典搞笑故事
My First and My Last When Gee was thirty-five, he bought a *** all plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks. Gee had a friend. His name was Mark. One day Gee offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a *** all one, so I'll go." They went up, and Gee flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air. When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, Gee, thank you very much for those o trips in your plane." Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?" "Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark. 第一次与最后一次 乔治35岁时买了架小型飞机，并开始学习驾驶。不久，他就能很娴熟地驾机做各种各样的特技飞行了。 乔治有个朋友名叫马克。一天，乔治主动邀请马克乘他的飞机上天兜一圈。马克心想，“我乘大客机飞行过好几次，还从来没有乘过小飞机，我不妨试一试。” 升空后，乔治飞了有半个小时，在空中做了各种各样的飞行特技。 后来他们着陆了。马克很高兴能够安全返回地面。他用颤抖的声音对他的朋友说：“乔治，非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做了两次飞行。” 乔治非常吃惊地问：“两次飞行？” “是的，我的第一次和最后一次。”马克答道。 First Flight Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own *** all phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane. His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes. After a minute or o he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as *** all as ants, don't they?" "Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground." 第一次坐飞机 约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。 他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。 过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是？” “那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。” A Nail Or A Fly? An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour. So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed. Now the old man entered his room. The *** ell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding! 钉子还是苍蝇？ 一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房。他双手各拿一瓶酒。在墙上有只苍蝇，他误以为是枚钉子。他把两只瓶子朝上一挂，瓶子掉下来摔碎了，酒洒了一地。一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后，对他深表同情，决定帮他个忙。 于是，第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时，她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方。 这里，老人回到了房里。倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事。他抬头往墙上一看，苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近，使尽全力拍了一掌。听到一声大叫，好心的女服务员冲进房来。让她大为吃惊的是，可怜的老头正坐在地板上，牙关紧咬，右手滴血不止。 I'll See to the Rest A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage. "Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!" "Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back. "You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest." 其余的事由我负责 一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。 “快点，小姐!”他喊道：“请把门关上。” “噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。 “请把门关上好了，”列车员说：“其余的事由我负责。” Chaude and Cold A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he plained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water." "But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal." "Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C." "Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city." 热与冷 蒙特利尔自助餐厅的一位顾客拧开盥洗室的龙头，结果被水烫伤了。“这太可恶了，”他抱怨道，“标着C的龙头流出的是开水。” “可是，先生，C代表Chaude－法语里代表‘热’。如果您居住在蒙特利尔的话就得知道这一点。” “等等，”那位顾客咆哮一声，“另外一个龙头同样标的是C。” “当然，”经理说道：“它代表冷。毕竟，蒙特利尔是个双语城市。” 这个网站里还有很多//wenku./view/6b5902aad1f34693daef3eb2
⑥ 英语搞笑故事
Weather Prediction An old Indian chief was famous for predicting what the weather would do. A group of people went up to the chief and asked him, "What will the weather be like tomorrow?" The chief replied, "Much rain. Very wet." The next day, it did rain and it was very wet. Some more people went up to the chief and asked, "What will the weather be like tomorrow?" "Much snow. Very cold." Sure enough, it snowed and it was very cold. The next day, people were so impressed with this, they asked him another time. Chief," they asked, "what will the weather do tomorrow?" The chief replied, "I nno. Radio broken."
⑦ 英语幽默小故事50字左右（带翻译）
Q: Why won’t the elephant use the puter?
为什么大象不玩电脑？
A: He’s afraid of the mouse!
他害怕老鼠！
鼠标和老鼠的英文皆为mouse。
mouse [ma?s]n. 鼠标；老鼠；胆小羞怯的人
2.A much worried patiant walked into the doctor's office and asked for help。
"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday."
"Oh, don't worry! All you have to remember is not to *** oke in the next few days." The doctor said.
一位很焦急的病人走到医生办公室寻求帮助。
“医生，我不知道该怎么办。昨天我不小心喝下了一瓶汽油。”
“哦，不用担心。你一定要牢记未来几天不要吸烟就行了。”医生说。
3.A man was hit by a cab in the street.
He was brought to the hospital.
His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."
"Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.
他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."
医生说:"我怕他已经死了."
听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."
妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."
4.A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?"
And God says: "A penny".
Then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?"
And God says: "a second",
Then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?"
And God says "In a second". 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.
他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"
上帝回答:"一便士."
男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"
上帝说:"一秒钟."
最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"
上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
5.Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
6.Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
⑧ 搞笑的英语故事
Talking Dog A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads "Talking Dog for Sale." Intrigued, he walks in. "So what have you done with your life?" he asks the dog. "I’ve led a very full life," says the dog. "I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home." The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, "Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?" The owner says, "Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!" A Baby? A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
⑨ 英语幽默故事
Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking. 老师正在讲课，彼得打起瞌睡来了。 Teacher: Peter！Tell us, what's the biggest in the world? 老师：彼得！你说说，世界上什么最大？ Peter: Well, well....eyelids.... 彼得: 嗯……嗯……眼皮…… Teacher: What？Eyelids？ 老师：什么？眼皮？ Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world. 彼得：是的，老师。因为我眼睛一闭，眼皮就把世界上所有的东西都遮住了 Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!" 疯人院 一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么知道？"第一个人说："上帝对我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！"
