本文目录一览：
- 1、关于英语的笑话大全
- 2、经典有趣的英语笑话
- 3、世界上最好笑的英语笑话大全？
- 4、经典英语课堂笑话大全
- 5、幽默的英语笑话短文
- 6、英文幽默笑话带翻译短篇？
- 7、有关英语小笑话带翻译短一些：英语小笑话带翻译简短
- 8、英语幽默笑话
- 9、英文笑话小短文
关于英语的笑话大全
笑话,顾名思义,是一种通过幽默的文字或图示来达到令人会心一笑或捧腹大笑效果的文学形式。我整理了英语笑话，欢迎阅读!
英语笑话篇一 An Unwelcome Hornor
A doctor came into the hospital ward and said to Mr. Johnson, "I have some good news and some bad news for you."
Then Mr. Johnson said, "Please, give me the good news first."
So the doctor said, "The doctors here are going to name an incurable disease after you."
【中文译文】
宁可不要的荣誉
一位医生走进医院的病房，告诉强森先生：“我有一个好消息和一个坏消息要告诉你。” 强森先生说：“请先告诉我好消息吧!” 医生说：“本院的医师决定用你的名字，来为一种不治之症命名。”
英语笑话篇二 If I Am A Manager
One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition--If I Am a Manager.All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason. “Iam waiting for my secretary.”was the boy’s answer.
【中文译文】
如果我是一个经理
一天课上，老师要同学们以如果我是一个经理为题写一篇作文。 所有的学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。 我在等我的秘书。那孩子答道。
英语笑话篇三 Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribedsome extra-strong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awakebefore he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to hisboss, “I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.”
“That's fine,” roared the boss, “but where were you Monday and Tuesday?”
【中文译文】
强效安眠药
鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床特别顺利。”“好啊!” 老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了?”
经典有趣的英语笑话
经典有趣的英语笑话
导语：幽默的人不仅仅会说笑话，还要懂得他人说的笑话，这里我收集整理了经典有趣的英语笑话，来测试一下你的幽默细胞的指数有多高吧!
1 Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar.
As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him.
Both of them stopped, staring at each other.
Then the critic said, "I'll never make way for a fool."
"But I will," with that Goethe retreated aside.
一次，歌德正在魏玛一个公园的.一条狭窄小道上散步。
碰巧他遇见一个对他怀有敌意的评论家。
两人都停了下来，彼此相互对视。接着评论家说道：“我从来不给傻瓜让路。”
“可我给。”说完歌德退到了一边。
2 ?After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date.
Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said,
"I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.
""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
和相亲对象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。
他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话，这样他就能借故先离开了。
当他回到桌边，他垂下眼睛，装出一副阴沉的表情，说：“有个不幸的消息，我的祖父刚刚去世了。”
“谢天谢地!”他的约会对象说，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了!”
3 A worker who was being paid by the week approached his employer and held up his last paycheck.
This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on, he said.
I know, the employer said.
But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained.
Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake, the worker answered, but when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention.
一个拿周薪的工人找到雇主，拿出上周的工资单，“比我们商量好的少了200美元，”他说。
“我知道，”雇主说，“但上星期我们多付了你200美元，也没听你抱怨。”
“好了，我并不介意偶尔犯错误，”工人回答，“但如果成了习惯，我觉得必须提起你的注意。”
4 A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand.
The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it.
If the other fellows know I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in."
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。 “最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”
5 Two little boys wanted to ask a favor of their mother.
"You ask her," said Paul, age ten.
"No," said Roy, age nine, "You ask her, you have known her longer than I have."
两个小男孩想找他们的母亲帮忙。
“你去找她。”十岁的保罗说。
“不，”九岁的罗伊说，“你去，你比我更早认识她。”
6 It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner.
"What are you charged with?" he asked.
"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉?”他问。
“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。
“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早?”
在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。
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世界上最好笑的英语笑话大全？
英语笑话幽默话语分析的理论不断推陈出新,但是对于把英语作为外语学习的中国读者而言,文化因素在解读幽默的过程中扮演着更加重要的角色。下面是我带来的世界上最好笑的英语笑话，欢迎阅读!
世界上最好笑的英语笑话篇一
一切都很好 Been Okay
Things Have Been Okay.
A young couple was being anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him.
Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned."
"You talked! You talked!" shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taken this long."
"Well, up till now," said the boy, "things have been okay."
中文：
一对年轻的夫妇对于他们四岁的儿子仍然不会说话这件事非常着急。他们带他去看专家，但是医生们找不出任何不正常的地方。
之后有一天早上，这个男孩突然说道：“妈妈，面包拷糊了。”
“你说话了!你说话了!”他的妈妈嚷道。“我真高兴!但是为什么要我们等这么长的时间呢?”
“嗯，直到现在，”男孩说，“每件事都很正常啊。”
世界上最好笑的英语笑话篇二
Who Is the Laziest?
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
中文：
父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒?
汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。
父亲：啊，不对，你知道!想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课?
汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。
世界上最好笑的英语笑话篇三
I think that I'm a chicken
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
精神病医师：你哪里不舒服?
病人：我认为我是一只鸡。
精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的?
病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。
世界上最好笑的英语笑话篇四
看见一只死鸟了吗 Bird
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning. Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird. "A, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly. The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?"
译文： 一天早晨，一位黑人女人和一位金发女郎正走在公园里。
突然，黑人女人发现了一只死去的小鸟。“哦!看这只死去的小鸟。”她悲伤地说。
金发女郎停下了脚步，她抬头望着天空，问道：“哪，在那?” Notebrunette: 浅黑肤色的女人
世界上最好笑的英语笑话篇五
欺骗的代价 The Revenge
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
译文：
老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。”
妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。”
约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。”
妻子：“为什么?”
约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”
经典英语课堂笑话大全
冷笑话是一种新兴的语言现象,伴随着网络的普及它已经渗透到了青年群体的日常生活,偶尔爆出的一两句冷笑话能使交流氛围变得轻松愉悦,也能展示交谈者的幽默和智慧。下面是我带来的经典英语课堂笑话，欢迎阅读!
经典英语课堂笑话篇一
After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin he'd originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "What's so special about this coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, "It has a lifetime warranty."
在将母亲下葬9个月后，当地殡仪馆的一个客户终于攒够了钱去买那副他早就相中的价值不菲的棺材了。他把母亲的棺材挖了出来，将尸体转移到了那副新的钢制棺材中。“这副棺材有什么特别?”，我问葬礼的承办人。他回答说，“这种棺材终生保修。
经典英语课堂笑话篇二
Once I received a thank-you note from a friend whom I had helped. In the envelope were five lottery tickets that had been scratched, revealing the numbers. "Thank you very much for your help," the note read. "As a gift, I bought you some lottery tickets- sorry you didn't win. "
有一次，我收到一封 感谢信 ，是一个我曾帮助过的朋友寄来的。信封内有五张彩票，都被刮过了，露出了数字。“非常感谢您的帮助，”信上写道，“作为礼物，我给您买了些彩票----真遗憾，您没中奖。”
经典英语课堂笑话篇三
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅?”
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。”
经典英语课堂笑话篇四
One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim.What happened? Did your father help you?"
一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说："蒂姆，你这次的作业全都做对了，怎么回事?你爸爸帮你做了吗?"
"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it allmyself," said Tim."
不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。"
经典英语课堂笑话篇五
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow
经典英语课堂笑话篇六
The Preacher Buys a Parrot
传教士买鹦鹉
A preacher is buying a parrot.
一个传教士在买鹦鹉。
"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.
“你确信它不会尖叫，大叫或诅咒别人吗?”传教士问。
"Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.
“噢，绝对不会。它是一只虔诚的鹦鹉。”店主向他保证。
"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
“你看见它腿上的那些细绳了吗?当你拉动右边这根，它会背诵天主经;当你拉动左边那根，它会背诵赞美诗。”
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
“太棒了!”传教士说，“但是如果我同时拉动两根绳子，会发生什么呢?”
"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.
“我会从树干上掉下去，你这个笨蛋!”鹦鹉尖声说道。
经典英语课堂笑话篇七
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."
我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时，我还是非常平静地问她，“有什么问题吗?”“我早上上街了，”女顾客说，“我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹给了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了!”“是什么好东西?”我问。“我丈夫的新助听器”。
幽默的英语笑话短文
幽默的英语笑话短文（精选11篇）
在繁忙的学习工作中，适时读一些幽默笑话，放松自己，劳逸结合十分重要。下面是我整理的幽默的英语笑话短文（精选11篇），希望大家喜欢！
幽默的英语笑话短文 篇1 The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient,"For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist,or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price."Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied,"No,it’s not better,just unused."
一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。
“你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。”医生告诉病人，“一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。
病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的.差别，“政治家的大脑好一些吗?”他问。
医生说：“不是好一些，只是没有用过。”
幽默的英语笑话短文 篇2 Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV.
Mum:There is no electricity tonight.
Mike:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on.
迈克：妈妈，我想看电视。
妈妈：今晚停电了。
迈克：那我们就点着蜡烛看吧。
幽默的英语笑话短文 篇3 The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made,Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安?" 老师发问道。
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。
幽默的英语笑话短文 篇4 Little Robert asked his mother for two cents."What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly."Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
幽默的英语笑话短文 篇5 I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes,dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
我刚咬破自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么?”
“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
幽默的英语笑话短文 篇6 It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate,a plump,middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind,lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back.Her momentum carried her close to my shoes.Before I could help her,however,she had scrambled up.Gaining her composure,she winked at me and said,"Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗?”
幽默的英语笑话短文 篇7 -- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody.What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的?
-- 墓地守墓人。
幽默的英语笑话短文 篇8 Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States,she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her.At the bank counter,the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real.It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more,uttering."Trust me,Sir,and trust the money.They are real US dollars.They are directly from America."
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
幽默的英语笑话短文 篇9 Mrs.Brown:Oh,my dear,I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs.Smith:But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs.Brown:It's no use,my little dog can't read.
布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
幽默的英语笑话短文 篇10 —Waiter,this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry,sir.It must have been in a fight.
-- Well,bring me the winner then.
-- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
幽默的英语笑话短文 篇11 teacher:here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrow.now who can tell us which is which?
student:i cannot point out but i know the answer.
teacher:please tell us.
student:the swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
;
英文幽默笑话带翻译短篇？
笑话 在《现代汉语词典》中作名词解时意为 能引人发笑的谈话或故事,供人当作笑料的事情 ,是一种以民间口头创作为主的文学样式。下面是我带来的英文短篇幽默笑话带翻译，欢迎阅读!
英文短篇幽默笑话带翻译篇一
The newlyweds entered the elevator of their Miami Beach hotel. The operator, a magnificent blonde, looked at them in surprise and said, "Why, hello, Teddy, how are you?" When the couple reached their room, the piqued bride demanded: "Who was that woman?!" "Take it easy, honey," said the groom, "I'm going to have trouble enough explaining you to her."
一对新婚夫妇走进位于迈阿密海滩旅馆的电梯。电梯操作员是一个漂亮的金发碧眼的美女，看到他们十分惊奇，她说：“嗨，Teddy,你好吗?”夫妇俩到了他们自己的房间，愤怒的新娘要求丈夫做出解释：“那女人是谁?!”“冷静点，宝贝，”新郎说： “我得对她解释你是谁，这已经足够烦死我了。”
英文短篇幽默笑话带翻译篇二
Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch.
三位男子在公园的长椅土坐着。中间的一个在读报纸，另外两个在假装钓鱼。他们给想象的鱼钩上鱼饵，放线，并卷线把鱼抓上来。
A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two.
一位过路警察驻足观察了这个景象，他问中间的那个男子是否认识其他两位。
"Oh yes," he said. "They are my friends”
“喔，认识，”他说，“他们是我的朋友”
"In that case," warned the officer, "you'd better get them out of here!"
“那样的话，”警察告诫说，“你最好把他们从这里弄走。”
"Yes, sir." the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.
“好的，瞥官。”那男子回答说，接着就开始疯狂地做起划桨的动作来。
英文短篇幽默笑话带翻译篇三
Tom is a very old man. After dinner, he likes walking in the street. And he goes to bed at seven o’clock.
汤姆是一位老人，他喜欢在晚饭后到大街上散步，在7点回来睡觉。
But tonight, a car stopped at his house. A policeman helps him get out. He tells Tom’s wife, “The old man couldn’t find his way in the street. He asked me to take him in the car.”
但是，今天晚上一辆小汽车停在他家门前，汤姆在一位警察的帮助下走下汽车。警察告诉汤姆的妻子：“这位老人在街上迷路了，他让我用汽车送他回来。”
After the policeman leaves there, his wife asks, “Tom, you go to the street every night. But tonight you can’t find the way, what’s the matter?”
警察走后：“汤姆，你每天都到那条街上散步，但是今天你迷路了，你怎么了?”
The old man *** iles like a child and says, “I couldn’t find my way? I didn’t want to walk home.”
这位老人像孩子般的笑道：“我迷路了?我是不想走路回家。”
英文短篇幽默笑话带翻译篇四
One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
妈妈激动地说：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么?
The little girl replied, "My homework."
小女孩回答说：我的家庭作业。
英文短篇幽默笑话带翻译篇五
Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?老师: 汤姆，“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么?Tom: Men.汤姆:男人们。Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
老师: 答得好。那“孩子”的复数形式呢?Tom : Twins.
汤姆: 双胞胎。
有关英语小笑话带翻译短一些：英语小笑话带翻译简短
笑话是文化的重要组成部分,通过笑话,我们可以了解一个国家的文化内涵。我精心收集了有关短一些的英语小笑话带翻译，供大家欣赏学习!
有关短一些的英语小笑话带翻译篇1
i'll see to the rest
a guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.
"come on, miss!" he shouted. "shut the door, please!"
"oh, i just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back.
"you just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and i'll see to the rest."
其余的事由我负责
一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。
“快点，小姐!”他喊道：“请把门关上。”
“噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。
“请把门关上好了，”列车员说：“其余的事由我负责。”
有关短一些的英语小笑话带翻译篇2
first flight
mr. johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, mr. johnson was very worried about accepting. finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and mr. johnson boarded the plane.
his friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. mr. johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.
after a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "look at those people down there. they look as small as ants, don't they?"
"those are ants," answered his friend. "we're still on the ground."
第一次坐飞机
约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。
他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。
过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是?”
“那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。”
有关短一些的英语小笑话带翻译篇3
my first and my last
when george was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. he soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.
george had a friend. his name was mark. one day george offered to take mark up in his plane. mark thought, "i've travelled in a big plane several times, but i've never been in a small one, so i'll go."
they went up, and george flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air.
when they came down again, mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "well, george, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane."
gerogy was very surprised and said, "two trips?"
"yes, my first and my last," answered mark.
第一次与最后一次
乔治35岁时买了架小型飞机，并开始学习驾驶。不久，他就能很娴熟地驾机做各种各样的特技飞行了。
乔治有个朋友名叫马克。一天，乔治主动邀请马克乘他的飞机上天兜一圈。马克心想，“我乘大客机飞行过好几次，还从来没有乘过小飞机，我不妨试一试。”
升空后，乔治飞了有半个小时，在空中做了各种各样的飞行特技。
后来他们着陆了。马克很高兴能够安全返回地面。他用颤抖的声音对他的朋友说：“乔治，非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做了两次飞行。”
乔治非常吃惊地问：“两次飞行?”
“是的，我的第一次和最后一次。”马克答道。
英语幽默笑话
英语幽默笑话（精选15篇）
在繁忙的学习工作中，适时读一些幽默笑话，放松自己，劳逸结合十分重要。下面是我为你整理的几则英语幽默精彩段子，让你笑到停不下来!!!
英语幽默笑话 篇1 一、我是单身汉
Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt.A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms.Jack finished them and gave them back."Anything else?" The nurse asked."Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor."
杰克骑车摔伤,得住院治疗.一位年轻美貌的护士拿着表格让填.仞杰克填好递上表格"还有什么漏填的?"护士问."有!"杰克想了想说,"我是个单身汉."
二、死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭
Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.
Husband:It's okey.To my investigation,all Thespeopleeat meals.
妻子：你看这张报纸,据统计,死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的.
丈夫：那有什么?据我调查,死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭的.
三、位置上的冰激凌
"Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine."
"Yours?Can you prove it?"
"Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it."
"请原谅,你占了我的位置."
"你的位置?你能征明这点吗?"
"能,我在位置上放了杯 冰激凌."
四、别无选择
One day,Eve asked Adam,"Doyou really love me?"
Adam said helplessly,"Do I have any other choice?"
一天,夏娃问亚当："你当真爱我吗?"
亚当无可奈何地回答："我还有的选择吗?"
五 、 两个男孩
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says,"Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers,"We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher,"When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
当老师走进教室时,两个男孩在争论.
老师是说：你们在争论什么?
一个男孩回答：‘我们捡到一张10块,我们决定把它给一个说最大的谎的人.’
‘你们应该觉得羞耻’老师说,‘当我像你们那么大的时候,我连什么是说谎都不知道.’
两个男孩把钱给了那个老师.
六、两只鸟
Teacher:Here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which?
Student:I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher:Please tell us.
Student:The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老师：这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀.谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我指不出,但我知道答案.
老师：请说说看.
学生：燕子旁边的`就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子.
七、鱼网
"Can you tell me what fish net is made,Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗," 老师发问道.
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了." 小女孩回答道.
八、他赢了
Tommy:How is your little brother,Johnny?Johnny:He is ill in bed.He hurt himself.
Tommy:That's too bad.How did that happen?
Johnny:We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won.
汤姆：约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?
约翰尼：他害病卧床了.他受了伤.
汤姆：真糟糕,怎么回事儿?
约翰尼：我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了.
选我吧
英语幽默笑话 篇2 心不在焉的老师
An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.”
有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。 一个碰见他的学生说： “晚安，老师。您怎么了?” “啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”
英语幽默笑话 篇3 谁的儿子最伟大
The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'." The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."
"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.
" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"
四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的儿子。“我的儿子是个教士，”第一位母亲自豪地说道，“他进入房间，人们都说，‘您好，阁下’。”
第二为母亲说：“我的儿子是位主教。他进入房间，人们都称，‘您好，大人’。” “我的儿子是位红衣主教，”第三位母亲接着说，“他走进房间，人们都说，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”
第四位母亲略思片刻。“我的儿子身高六英尺十，体重三百磅，”她说，“他要是走入房间，人们都说‘哦，我的上帝’!”
英语幽默笑话 篇4 为什么六怕七呢?
Q: Why was six scared of seven?
A: Because seven "ate" nine.
问题：为什么六怕七呢?
回答：因为七连九都能吃掉呢!
(笑点：本应该是seven eight nine, 但是利用了发音相同，将eight用ate(吃)替换掉了。)
英语幽默笑话 篇6 用“beans(豆子)”造句
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
一名老师让学生们利用单词“beans(豆子)”造句，其中一个女孩说“我爸爸种豆子”。另外一个同学说“我妈妈炒豆子”。第三名学生说“我们是人类”。
(笑点：老师让用的单词是beans，豆子的意思，结果，第三个学生将beings 和 beans 搞混了，因为发音相同。)
英语幽默笑话 篇7 两块蛋糕
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!
汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗?
妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧!
英语幽默笑话 篇8 一分一块钱 A dollar per point
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
一天，教授正在给学生们监考。他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。
考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票，还有一张纸条写着：“一分一块钱。”
第二堂课，教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。其中一个学生不但得到了试卷还得到64块钱的找零。
英语幽默笑话 篇9 Eating out
外出就餐
When the bill arrives ,Mark, Chris ,Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20,even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the women get their bill , out come the pocket calculators.
买单的时候，阿麦，阿克、阿力和阿汤每人都甩出20块钱，虽然其实一共只吃了32块50没人有更小的票子了，也没人愿意承认他们其实想把票子破开。女人买单时，每人掏出个计算器。
英语幽默笑话 篇10 卷烟厂都失火
Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.‘I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday .’‘Don't worry ,dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later .’He said with a smile.
玛丽非常讨厌丈夫吸烟，一天她对丈夫抱怨说：“我希望有一天所有卷烟厂都失火。”“不用担心，亲爱的，所有的烟卷迟早都会点着的。”他笑着说。
英语幽默笑话 篇11 成年人的抉择
The year before my son turned 18, he constantly pleaded to be allowed to a have tattoo, but I refused to sign permission for one.He argued that soon he would be a man and he should be able to make adult decisions. Sure enough,a few days after his 18th birthday,he come home with a tattoo. Although l was not happy about this, I was curious to see what symbol of masculin', he had chosen. There, on his shoulder,was a two inch image of Mickey Mouse.
我儿子十八岁前的那一年，常常向我提出准许他文身。但我拒绝允许他这么做。他争辩说他不久就要成为男子汉了，并说他应该能够做出成年人的抉择了。果然，十八岁生日的几天后，他文了身，回到家里。尽管我对此感到不高兴，但出于好奇，我想看看他选择了什么雄性象征物。原来他在肩上文了一个两英寸长的米老鼠像。
英语幽默笑话 篇12 和上帝对话
He says: "God,what is a million dollars to you?"and God says: "A penny,then the man says: "God,what is a million years to you?”and God says: ¨a second", then the man says: “God,can I have a penny ?"and God says:"In a second."
他问：“主啊，一百万美元对你意味着多少?”上帝回答：¨一便士。” 男子又问：“那一百万年呢，?”上帝说：“一秒钟。”最后男子请求道：”上帝，我能得到一便士吗?“上帝回答：“过一秒钟。”
英语幽默笑话 篇13 可以借用一下吗
Are you using your mower this afternoon?
今天下午你准备用割草机吗?
Mr. Johnson:Are you using your mower this afternoon?
约翰逊先生：今天下午你准备用割草机吗?
Mr. Smith.Yes.
史密斯先生：是的。
Mr. Johnson: Fine. Then can I borrow your tennis racket, since you won't be needing it ?
约翰逊先生：太好了。既然您不用网球拍，那我可以借用一下吗?
英语幽默笑话 篇14 妈妈不见了
A little girl was lost, so she went up to a policeman and said, "l've lost my moml" The cop said,"What's she like?" The little girl replied,"Shopping and gossiping!”
有一个小女孩走丢了，于是她走到一个警察跟前说：“我妈妈不见了!”这个警察说：“她什么样子?”小女孩回答：“买东西和说闲话!”
英语幽默笑话 篇15 Get the kid
A bit of advice for those about to retire. lf you are only 65,never move to ansrUrement community. Everybody else is in their 71s, 80s,or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded,they yell,"Get the kid.
这里想对将要退休的人提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。因为那里的人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们会喊，“让小的干吧。
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英文笑话小短文
笑话是内容丰富并具有出乎意料结尾的幽默口头 故事 。笑话几乎涵盖人们生活的所有领域,其中包括政治笑话、经济笑话、家庭生活笑话、关于民族性格的笑话等。 下面是我带来的经典 英语笑话 阅读，欢迎阅读!
经典英语笑话阅读篇一
泡泡温泉(双语阅读)
a:tom,look at your shoes.how dirty they are! you must clear hem.
汤姆，看看你的鞋子，多脏呀，你必须洗一洗了。
b:oh.mother,but i cleaned them only yesterday.
噢，妈妈，可我昨天才洗过的。
a:but they are dirty now.you must clean them again.
可现在它们又脏了，你再洗一次吧。
b:i don't want to clean them today. even if i clean them today,they will be dirty again tomorrow.
我今天不想洗，我即使今天把鞋洗了，明天还会脏的。
a:ok,don't clean them then.
好吧，那就别洗了。
(ln the evening tom came back from school.he was very hungry.
晚上汤姆放学回到家，他非常饿。)
经典英语笑话阅读篇二
喂养宠物(双语阅读)
Birds in their little nests agree.
鸟在巢中不相争。
A small child was giving a bath to a tiny and dirty kitten in the gar-den. while an ojd lady passing by.
一个小男孩在花园里给一只身上很脏的小花猫洗澡，正在这时，一个上了年纪的女士从旁边经过。
A:Sonny.you shouldn't bathe a kitty in cold waLer.He will get sick and die.
小家伙，你不应该在凉水中给小猫洗澡，他会生病,甚至会死。
(The child go on with his job.barely liatening to her.Two houra Wer,the lacjy was retumiWg when ahe saw the boy sittinS on the ground and cring.with the dead kitten lying beaide him.
可是，小男孩继续给小猫洗澡，几乎对那位女士置之不理。两小时以后，那位女士返回时看见那个小男孩坐在地上哭泣，小猫躺在他的身旁，死了。)
B:Didn't I tell you .sonny.that the kitty would die if you wa.shed him in the cold water?
小家伙，我不是告诉休了吗?如果在凉水中给小猫洗澡，他会死的。
A:But Auntie. he didn't die because I waahed him; he died when I was wrinpng him dry.
可是，阿姨，他不是因为我给它洗澡死的，当我把他拧于时，他就死了。
经典英语笑话阅读篇三
戒除烟瘾(双语阅读)
Health is not valued till sickness comes.
生病才知健康好。
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.
一个被告卷入了一桩牵涉大笔资金的诉讼案，他去找他的律师。
A:If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.
如果我输了这场官司，我就完了。
B:It's in the judge's hand now.
这事掌握在法官的手上。
A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?
如果我给法官送一箱雪茄，会不会起点作用?
B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldn't even smile ai the judge.
哦.不会的!这位法官很固执，非常注意职业道德。这种花招只会让他对你产生偏见，他甚至会认为你蔑视法庭。事实上，你甚至都不用对他微笑。
With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,
最后，法官作了一个有利于被告的判决，当被告离开法院时。
A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.
谢谢你关于雪茄的忠告，这很多管用。
B:I'm sure we wodd have lost the caae if you'd sent them.
如果你送了的话，我肯定休会输掉这场官司。
A:But did send them.
但是我的确送了。
B:What? You did?!
什么?你送了?!
A:Yes.That's how we won the case.
对，这就是我们会赢这场官司的原因。
B:I don't understand
我不明白。
A:It's easy.I sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiff's business card.
这很简单，我把雪茄送到了{去官那里，但是附上了原告的一张名片。
