英语课前三分钟笑话,初一英语课前三分钟

本文目录一览：

• 1、初中英语课前三分钟笑话演讲稿
• 2、有趣的英文对话三分钟
• 3、我要一个简短的英文笑话，高一的 能在课堂上表演就好。。。两三分钟的。。。。谁能帮帮我
• 4、跪求 英语课前三分钟的演讲稿 或者一些小故事、笑话也行 初一水平 （带翻译）
• 5、英文课前演讲。三分钟左右，哲理故事或者笑话都可以
• 6、求一篇英语笑话，两人的，求能撑过三分钟，两个男的，要搞笑
• 7、初一英语课前三分钟
• 8、高一英语课前三分钟演讲（要短，易懂，笑话也行）
• 9、高一英语课前三分钟演讲，求英文小故事

初中英语课前三分钟笑话演讲稿

　　笑话作为一种文学体裁名称在近代还不普遍,因而吴趼人提出的笑话小说具有非常高的文学史价值，他亲自创作的笑话小品中新意识和新趣味的加入,很有代表性。下面我整理了初中英语课前三分钟笑话，希望大家喜欢!

　　初中英语课前三分钟笑话：Cute Harry:可爱的哈利 　　It's was little Harry's first visit to the country,
　　这是小哈利第一次停留在乡下，
　　and feeding the chickens fascinated him.
　　并且喂食吸引他目光的小鸡。
　　Late one evening he caught his first glimpse of peacock strutting in the yard,
　　有一天晚上，他第一次看到孔雀在院子里神气 十足地昂首阔步，
　　feathers spread beautifully in all its glory.
　　得意地将羽毛很优美地向外展开,
　　Rushing indoors excitedly,Harry called out for his grandma.
　　小哈利很兴裔地，向屋内冲，大声叫他的奶奶来看……
　　"Oh,Granny,come see!Come see!" he exclaimed.
　　他高声地叫说：“喔，奶奶，快来看!快来看!”
　　"one of your chickens is in bloom!"
　　“你们家有一只鸡开花罗!”
　　初中英语课前三分钟笑话：Flowers花 　　A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.
　　有一家公司开幕，老板的其中一位朋友为了这件太事要送他花。
　　They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,
　　他们到达了新的公司地点，老板读了卡片的 内容：
　　"Rest in Place."
　　“安息吧”。
　　The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
　　老板非常生气就打电话给花店抱怨。
　　After he had told the florist of the obvious mitake
　　就在他告诉花店这项明显的错误，
　　and how angry he was ,
　　以及他有多么生气之后，
　　the florist replied,
　　花庙却回答说：
　　"Sir,I am really sorry for the mistake,
　　“先生，我真的对于这项错误感到十分抱歉，
　　but rather than getting angry,
　　但是与其生气，
　　you should imagine this :
　　你还不如应当想象
　　somewhere there is a funeral taking place today,
　　以下这个情况：今天有一个地方在举行葬礼，
　　and they have flowers with a note saying,
　　他们收到了花，还附上一张纸条说：
　　‘Congratulations on your new location' "
　　‘恭喜新居落成!”’
　　初中英语课前三分钟笑话：Insomnia失眠 　　A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia.
　　有一个男的去看医生，诉说着失眠的苦恼。
　　The doctor gave him a thorough examination,
　　医生给他做了一次完整的检查，
　　found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him,
　　完全找不到他身体有任何毛病，
　　and then told him,
　　然后告诉他;
　　"Listen,if you ever expect to cure your insomnia,you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."
　　“你听好，如果你希望治疗好你的失眠，你就必须停止把你的烦恼跟着你带上床。”
　　"I know" said the man, "but I can't.My wife refuses to sleep alone."
　　这个男的说：“我知道呀，但是我没办法呀，我老婆不肯一个人睡嘛!”
　　初中英语课前三分钟笑话：Johnny's Prayer强尼的祈祷 　　Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room .
　　强尼因为不乖就被赶进他的房间。
　　After a while emerged and informed his mother that he had thought over and then said a prayer .
　　过了一会儿。他就出来跟他的妈妈说他已缓!彻底反省，而且事后祷告了。
　　"Fine",said the pleased mother.
　　满心欢喜的妈妈说：“很好，
　　"If you ask God to help you not misbehave,He will help you."
　　如果你求上帝帮勘你不要不乖，她就会帮助你。”
　　"Oh,I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave,"said Johnny.
　　强尼说："哦，我没有求她帮助我不要不乖;
　　"I asked him to help you put up with me."
　　我求它帮助你来忍受我。”

有趣的英文对话三分钟

1.英语小笑话，简短 He Won Tommy: How is your little brother， Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window， and he won. 他赢了 汤姆:约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗? 约翰尼:他害病卧床了。 他受了伤。 汤姆:真糟糕，怎么回事儿? 约翰尼:我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked， "What happened?" "A kid bit me，" replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where，" said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事?” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。 “他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman，" he answered. "You're a good boy，" said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了?” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。 “再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?” “她是个卖糖果的。” Drunk One day， a father and his little son were going home. At this age， the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now， he asked， "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk'， dad?" "Well， my son，" his father replied， "look， there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But， dad，" the boy said， " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。 他向父亲发问道:“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀!” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled， put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother， sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap， sir，" replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。 过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。 你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。 英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球， 一个老美看到就笑我说， "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性， 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快， 联想力这么丰富时，旁边的 一个老美帮我解围， 他说， 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn， 他们的招牌歌之一就是 (All day I dream about sex)所以呢，这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.。2.简单搞笑的英语对话 你选选吧 经典对话一: 男:Can I buy you a drink?(我可以为你买一杯饮料吗?) 女:Actually I'd rather have the 不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。) 经典对话二: 男:Can I have your name?(直译:我能有你的名字吗?) 女:Why? Don't you already have one? (为什么?你不是已经有一个了吗?) 经典对话三: 男:I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like 我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。) 女:I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like 我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。) 经典对话四: 男:Is this seat empty?(直译:这个座位是空的吧?) 女:Yes， and this one will be if you sit 是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。) 经典对话五: 男:Haven't I seen you some place before?(我好像以前在什么地方见过你?) 女:Yes. That's why I don't go there 是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。) 经典对话六: 男:Will you go out with me this Saturday?(这个星期六你想跟我出去吗?) 女:Sorry. I'm having a headache this 抱歉。这个周末我头疼。) 经典对话七: 男:I think I could make you very 我想我能让你非常快乐。) 女:Why? Are you leaving?(是吗?你是说你要离开?)3.有没有非常实用的英语句子 999句最实用英语口语! 1。 I see. 我明白了。 2。 I quit! 我不干了! 3。 Let go! 放手! 4。 Me too. 我也是。 5。 My god! 天哪! 6。 No way! 不行! 7。 Come on. 来吧(赶快) 8。 Hold on. 等一等。 9。 I agree。 我同意。 10。 Not bad. 还不错。 11。 Not yet. 还没。 12。 See you. 再见。 13。 Shut up! 闭嘴! 14。 So long. 再见。 15。 Why not? 好呀! (为什么不呢?) 16。 Allow me. 让我来。 17。 Be quiet! 安静点! 18。 Cheer up! 振作起来! 19。 Good job! 做得好! 20。 Have fun! 玩得开心! 21。 How much? 多少钱? 22。 I'm full. 我饱了。 23。 I'm home. 我回来了。 24。 I'm lost. 我迷路了。 25。 My treat. 我请客。 26。 So do I. 我也一样。 27。 This way。 这边请。 28。 After you. 您先。 29。 Bless you! 祝福你! 30。 Follow me. 跟我来。 31。 Forget it! 休想! (算了!) 32。 Good luck! 祝好运! 33。 I decline! 我拒绝! 34。 I promise. 我保证。 35。 Of course! 当然了! 36。 Slow down! 慢点! 37。 Take care! 保重! 38。 They hurt. (伤口)疼。 39。 Try again. 再试试。 40。 Watch out! 当心。 41。 What's up? 有什么事吗? 42。 Be careful! 注意! 43。 Bottoms up! 干杯(见底)! 44。 Don't move! 不许动! 45。 Guess what? 猜猜看? 46。 I doubt it 我怀疑。 47。 I think so. 我也这么想。 48。 I'm single. 我是单身贵族。 49。 Keep it up! 坚持下去! 50。 Let me see.让我想想。 51。 Never mind.不要紧。 52。 No problem! 没问题! 53。 That's all! 就这样! 54。 Time is up. 时间快到了。 55。 What's new? 有什么新鲜事吗? 56。 Count me on 算上我。 57。 Don't worry. 别担心。 58。 Feel better? 好点了吗? 59。 I love you! 我爱你! 60。 I'm his fan。 我是他的影迷。 想看更详尽的内容，请查看乐知网的网友课程 。4.来个搞笑的英语对话 Jack:Tom，who do you think the man with a yellow straw hat on the stool in front of the palm trees? Tom:I guess he must be a fortune teller。 Jack:Are you sure? Tom:Yes，without a doubt。 You see he is looking forward to talking to someone。 Jack:Maybe you are right。 But Tom， can you read the palm? Tom:Yes， I have read a lot of books about reading the palm。 May I read your palm? Jack: Yes，I'd love to。 But I want to make fun of him。 It is very funny。

我要一个简短的英文笑话，高一的 能在课堂上表演就好。。。两三分钟的。。。。谁能帮帮我

A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it. Inside was a genie. The genie said," I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only." The man thought about his first wish and decided, "I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account. POOF! Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color. POOF! There was the car sitting in front of him. He asked for his final wish, " I wish I was irresistible to women." POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates.
有一天，一个男人在沙滩上散步，发现了一个半掩在沙子中的瓶子。他决定打开它。里面住着一个精灵。精灵说，“我允许你许三个愿望，只有三个愿望哦。”男人想了想他的第一个愿望，然后决定说，“我想要将一百万元钱汇到我的瑞士银行账户上。”“嘣！”于是男人又许愿要一辆红色的法拉利。“嘣！”一辆车出现在了他的眼前。他开始许他最后一个愿望：“我想要所有的女人对我无法抗拒。”“嘣！”他变成了一盒巧克力。

跪求 英语课前三分钟的演讲稿 或者一些小故事、笑话也行 初一水平 （带翻译）

Funny English Story
One day ,my english teacher asked me a question in class :Li ,can you tell me which three words that students use most when answer [??ns?] the teacher's question? Li was embarrassed [?m?b?r?st] (尴尬): I don't know. then the teacher smiled :Yes ,you are right.
which three words ? You know?
this three words is : I 、 don't 、 know
有一天，我的英语老师问我一个问题在课堂上：鲍勃，你能告诉我这三个单词，学生使用最多的时候回答[??纳秒?]老师的问题吗？鲍勃很尴尬[?M?B?R?圣]（尴尬）：我不知道。然后老师笑了：是的，你是对的。
这三个字？你知道吗？
这三句话是：我不知道、、
Hellow,my name is xxx,I'm xx years old. i like xxxxxxx,i don't like xxxxx,my favourite food is xxxx,on the weekend i usually xxxxx,sometime i xxxxx,that all,thank you!
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？

英文课前演讲。三分钟左右，哲理故事或者笑话都可以

Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
谁更有礼貌？
一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。
Dead Kitty
Once there was a man named Jim, who let his dog out to relieve himself late one night. He watched some TV, and then remembered to let the dog back in. When he opened the door, he was shocked at what he saw! In his dog's mouth was his neighbor's cat, dead! "Bad dog! BAD DOG!", said the panicked man.

He took the cat away and looked at it. He couldn't bring himself to tell his neighbor what happened, so he decided to clean it up and leave it on the neighbour's porch. He took the cat into the bathroom and washed off all the blood and dirt.

It took him forever. He had to wash it four times to get it all cleaned. He brushed it's beautiful white fur as he blow dried it, and put it's collar back on. Since it was so dark, he snuck into the neighbor's yard, and laid the cat down on the porch, in front of the door.

The next day, he was on his way to the car to go to work and his neighbor was outside.

"Hi," he said. "Hi," replied Jim, nervously. His neighbor said, "something weird happened last night."

"Oh yeah? What's that," asked Jim, sweating now.

"Well, my cat died yesterday, and we buried him, and this morning he was lying on my front porch!"

求一篇英语笑话，两人的，求能撑过三分钟，两个男的，要搞笑

B: I heard that you are learning English. A: Yes. B: harvest? A: Yes. B: I asked what have you got? A: Yes. B: (laughing) this is it right? Wrong? How would only say " choked to death ' '? A: you are wrong.. B: why will speak Chinese. Do you have any harvest in learning English? A: I have a new discovery. B: fast and I say. A: English name and our names are different. B: yes? A: we Chinese is the name before, in the later. B: what is called the name. A: what's your name? B: my surname Cao Mingwu. A: can I English is first, last name in the post. If JimGreen Jim is Geeen's name. B: is this. A: in oral English class, the teacher asked us to introduce myself, but also the first name after name. B: This is consistent with the habits of Americans and English. A: results, the joke. B: what? A: (teacher) Whatyouname? B: MynameisWuCao. A: he asked me. B: your name is Liu Hongtao. A: my answer is Mynameis" the six ' ' (Hong Tao Liu) B: Oh, poker! A: one of my classmate stands up say: Mynameis" ' ' (five of clubs; Mei Wu) B: are there in your class, called square sheet seven? A: when you play cards! The teacher told us to write their own name, surname initials. B: it is good to write ah! A: not for a while, the students have already been written. Hospice ice raised her initials, laugh! B: what is it? A: she was writing N.B.A B: Oh, the United States occupation basketball team. 1 A: we monitor called Ban Rui Ming, she was writing R.M.B B: RMB. A: Ou Wantao people is more interesting. B: don't say, his English abbreviation is W.T.O a: After class, the students asked him to the world trade organization. B: getting on? A: to speak English abbreviation, or your most beautiful. B: yes? A: isn't your name Cao Wu?
B: Yeah, what? A: that's W.C!
B: the toilet ah!!
乙:听说你正在学英语.甲:Yes.乙:有收获吗?甲:Yes.乙:我问你有什么收获?甲:Yes.乙:(狂笑)这位是不是有毛病?怎么只会说"噎死''啊?甲:你才有毛病呢.乙:敢情会说中国话啊.请问你学习英语有什么收获？甲:我有一个新发现.乙:快和我说说.甲:英美人姓名和我们姓名有所不同.乙:是吗？甲:我们中国人是姓在前，名在后.乙:要不怎么叫姓名呢.甲:请问你贵姓?乙:免贵姓曹名武.甲:可人家英美人是名在前,姓在后.如JimGreen中Jim是名Geeen是姓.乙:是这样的.甲:在口语课上,老师叫我们自我介绍,还要先说名后说姓.乙:这符合英美人的习惯吗.甲:结果,闹笑话了.乙:怎么了?甲:(学老师)Whatyouname?乙:MynameisWuCao.甲:他在问我.乙:你叫刘红涛啊.甲:我回答是Mynameis"红桃六''(红涛刘)乙:呵,扑克啊!甲:我的一个同桌站起来说:Mynameis"梅花五''(梅花吴)乙:你们班有叫方片七的吗?甲:你当打扑克呢!老师又叫我们写自己名,姓的缩写来.乙:这好写啊!甲:不一会,同学们都写好了.安宁冰一举起她的缩写,全班大笑!乙:怎么回事?甲:她写的是N.B.A乙:呵,美国职业篮球队啊1甲:我们班长叫班瑞茗,她写的是R.M.B乙:人民币啊.甲:人家欧万涛的就更有意思了.乙:别说,他的英语缩写是W.T.O甲:下课后,同学们都叫他世界贸易组织.乙:挨的上吗?甲:要说英语缩写,还是你的最风光.乙:是吗?甲:你不是叫曹武吗?
乙:是啊,怎么着?甲:那就是W.C啊!
乙:厕所啊!!
I Never Work after Supper 我饭后从不工作
A penny-pinching farmer didn’t want his hired hand to stop working. One morning, he told the farmhand, “It’s such a nuisance to come in from the field, wash up for lunch and take time to eat. Why don’t we save time and eat lunch now?”
一位农场主非常吝啬，不想让他雇佣的帮手停下来休息。一天早上，他对帮手说：“从地里回来，又要洗手吃饭，又花时间，真是太不方便了。我们何不省点时间，现在就吃午饭呢？”
The hired man agreed. The farm’s wife brought in some cold meat and fried potatoes, and the two men ate again.
雇员同意了。农场主的妻子端进来一些冷肉和油炸土豆。于是，两个人又开始吃起来。
When they had finished, the cheap farmer said, “While we’re still at the table, let’s have supper too.”They were now served steak, boiled potatoes and mixed vegetables, and they ate once more.
吃完后，吝啬鬼说：“既然我们还在桌子边，让我们连晚饭也吃了吧。”这次上桌的有排骨、煮土豆和杂烩青菜。于是两个人又吃起来。
“Now that the meals are out of the way, ” the farmer announced, “we can go out and work all day without interruption. ”
“现在三顿饭都吃过了，”农场主宣称道，“我们便可以出去一整天不停地干活了。”
“Oh, no,” the farmhand answered. “I never work after supper.”
“哦，不，”那帮手回答说，“晚饭后我从不工作。”
英语单词:
penny-pinching n. 小气adj. 小气的，吝啬的
nuisance n. 讨厌的人；损害；麻烦事；讨厌的东西
boil n. 沸腾，煮沸vt. 煮沸，烧开；使…激动；使…蒸发
interruption n. 中断；干扰；中断之事
不好还有。。。
I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我没有睡着
当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒！”
“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。
“没睡着？可是你眼睛都闭上了呀？”
“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父亲在哪儿？
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
Does the dog know the proverb, too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
狗也知道这个谚语吗？
一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”
一 Can we have our teacher back？
Once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school. One room was very noisy, so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking. He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner. Five minutes later, a smalll boy came out of the first room and said, "When can we have our teacher back?"
能让我们的老师回去吗？
有一次，一位督学去视察一个只有三间教室的学校。一间教室非常吵闹，因此督学抓住其中一个正在站着说话的人，把他带进另一间教室，并让他站在墙角。五分钟以后，一个小男孩从第一间教室走进来，问道，“您什么时候能让我们的老师回去呢？”
二 Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
谁更有礼貌？
一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。
三 Expensive Price
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
昂贵的代价
牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？
牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了
提问者评价
谢谢！
评论(29)|1961
え宫あかね |四级采纳率15%
擅长：动漫小说幽默滑稽恋爱历史话题
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其他5条回答
2009-12-26 09:14wang757649046|四级
A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."
The busis very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him.
"Hey,let me get on the bus."the man shouts.
"It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus."a passenger says to him.
"But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says.
公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路.
"喂,让我上车!"那位男士喊道.
"车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说.
"但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!"那位男士说道.
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
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2009-12-25 20:02V々略|五级
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
呵呵,一个比一个效率高.
Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!
拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情."精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!"
My Baby Swallowed a Bullet
Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ?
Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody."
Notes
1. to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹
2. to point at: 对...瞄准
allybaby
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"
两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”

初一英语课前三分钟

Tom’s Birthday
It was Tom’s birthday,and he was five years old.He got quite a lot of nice birthday presents from his family,and one of them was a beartiful big drum.
“Who gave him thay thing?”answered Tom’s mother.
“Oh,”said his father.
Of course,Tom liked his drum very much.He made terrible noise with is,but his mother did not mind.His father was working during the day,and Tom was in bed when he got home in the evening,so he did not hear the noise.
But one of the neighbours did not like noise at all.So one morning a few days later she took a sharp knife and went to Tom’s house while he was hitting his drum.She said to him,”Hello,Tom,do you know,there’s something very nice inside your drum.Here is a knitf.Open the frum and let’s find it.”
那天是汤姆五岁的生日，他从家人那里得到了很多不错的礼物，其中有一件礼物是一只漂亮的大鼓。
“这是谁给他的呢？”汤姆妈妈问道。
“哦。”爸爸说。
当然，汤姆非常喜欢这个大鼓。虽然他敲鼓的声音很难听，但妈妈却从不在意。汤姆爸爸因为白天工作，而且当爸爸回家时汤姆已经睡觉了，所以爸爸并没有听见过这些噪音。
但是，他们的一位邻居非常不高兴。几天后的一个早上，当她又一次听到汤姆的噪音时，她带着锋利的小刀来到汤姆家：”嘿，汤姆，你知道吗你的鼓里有好东西，打开它，我们一起找找那好东西吧
The City Mouse and the Country Mouse
Once there were two mice. They were friends. One mouse lived in the country; the other mouse lived in the city. After many years the Country mouse saw the City mouse; he said, "Do come and see me at my house in the country." So the City mouse went. The City mouse said, "This food is not good, and your house is not good. Why do you live in a hole in the field? You should come and live in the city. You would live in a nice house made of stone. You would have nice food to eat. You must come and see me at my house in the city."
The Country mouse went to the house of the City mouse. It was a very good house. Nice food was set ready for them to eat. But just as they began to eat they heard a great noise. The City mouse cried, " Run! Run! The cat is coming!" They ran away quickly and hid.
After some time they came out. When they came out, the Country mouse said, "I do not like living in the city. I like living in my hole in the field. For it is nicer to be poor and happy, than to be rich and afraid."
【译文】
城里老鼠和乡下老鼠
从前，有两只老鼠，它们是好朋友。一只老鼠居住在乡村，另一只住在城里。很多年以后，乡下老鼠碰到城里老鼠，它说：“你一定要来我乡下的家看看。”于是，城里老鼠就去了。乡下老鼠领着它到了一块田地上它自己的家里。它把所有最精美食物都找出来给城里老鼠。城里老鼠说：“这东西不好吃，你的家也不好，你为什么住在田野的地洞里呢？你应该搬到城里去住，你能住上用石头造的漂亮房子，还会吃上美味佳肴，你应该到我城里的家看看。”
乡下老鼠就到城里老鼠的家去。房子十分漂亮，好吃的东西也为他们摆好了。可是正当他们要开始吃的时候，听见很大的一阵响声，城里的老鼠叫喊起来：“快跑！快跑！猫来了！”他们飞快地跑开躲藏起来。
过了一会儿，他们出来了。当他们出来时，乡下老鼠说：“我不喜欢住在城里，我喜欢住在田野我的洞里。因为这样虽然贫穷但是快乐自在，比起虽然富有却要过着提心吊胆的生活来说，要好些。”

高一英语课前三分钟演讲（要短，易懂，笑话也行）

　　Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.
　　When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," she whispered. "Perseverance is a virtue."
　　美 德
　　获取研究生学位多年以后，我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学当教员。一天，电梯里很拥挤，有人抱怨电梯效率太低。我说自我在那里当学生起，20年来电梯一直没有换过。
　　最后当电梯门打开时，我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下，回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑。“你会拿到学位的，亲爱的，”她低声说道：“坚持不懈是一种美德。”
　　A mother mouse
　　老鼠的第二语言也重要
　　A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she
　　spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and
　　the cat watched the mice.
　　Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat
　　was so terrified that it ran for it's life.
　　Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you
　　understand the value of a second language?"
　　一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。
　　母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。
　　母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”

高一英语课前三分钟演讲，求英文小故事

New Discovery
A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young
model stepped off the elevator.
Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I shouldhave brought my wife!"

新发现
一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。
乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!”
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with
the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents
more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
1.who is the old woman?
2.what did the boy use the money to do?
我们也要...同新高一
Big Head
“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”
“Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”
“Where's the shopping bag?”
“I haven't got one,use your hat.”
大脑袋
“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”
“别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说：“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了，去商店买10磅土豆来。”
“购物袋在哪？”
“我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。”
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”