本文目录一览：
- 1、幽默的英语小故事
- 2、幽默风趣的英语小故事5篇
- 3、英语幽默小故事5篇
- 4、幽默简短的英语小故事
- 5、英语搞笑故事
- 6、儿童双语幽默英语小故事【三篇】
- 7、关于英语小故事1分钟幽默
- 8、简短搞笑的英文故事大全
- 9、英文幽默故事
- 10、英语幽默小故事五篇
幽默的英语小故事
英语 故事 是英语教材中提升学生学习兴趣、展现学习要点的重要载体,是英语教学无法绕过的槛。我整理了幽默的英语小故事 ，欢迎阅读!
幽默的英语小故事篇一
名声与艰苦劳动
During the Gulf War，my sister，Jane，bought a flag and asked her apartment's maintenance man, a Vietnam vet，to install a pole for him. When she offered to pay him,he told her there was no way he could take money for putting up the American flag.
海湾战争期间，我妹妹珍妮买了一面美国国旗，她请房子的维修工—一位老兵给她竖一根旗杆。当我妹妹为此什给他钱时，他说，他帮助挂美国国旗，无论如何都不该收钱。
Jane contacted her local newspaper，and they published an article about the incident. The next time she encountered the maintenance man, he told her that everyone he knew had read her story and that she had made him a celebrity.Jane jokingly asked for his autograph.
珍妮来到当地报杜，就此事在报上发表了一篇 文章 。当珍妮第二次碰到那位维修工时，他对珍妮说他所认识的人都看了她写的报章，是她使他成为了名人。珍妮开玩笑地说让他给签个名。
"I don't have time,"the man replied. "I'm too busy setting up American flags.”
他回答说:“那我可没时间，挂美国国旗的事忙得我不可开交。”
幽默的英语小故事篇二
独自在家
My wife will go to any extreme to keep people from, knowing she is home alone. One evening when I was working late，my wife heard a knock on the door. She ignosed it,but the knocing continued. Frantic，sloe began to bark,softly at first，then louder and louder. Much to her relief,the knocking soon stopped.
我妻子独自在家时，总是不想让别人知道家里没有其他的人。一天晚上，我工作到很晚。我妻子听到有人敲门，她就没理，但敲门的声音总是不停，慌乱之中，她开始学狗叫。一开始她低声地叫，随后她的叫声越来越大。敲门声很快地停了，她这才松了口气。
The next day the paper boy came to the door to collect."I came by last night,"he told me,"but I left when your wife barked at me!"
第二天，送报的小孩来我家收钱，那小孩告诉我:“我昨晚上就来了，你老婆老冲我学狗叫，我就走了。”
幽默的英语小故事篇三
彼得的长相决定了分数
One semester when my brother, Peter，attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis，an art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter's portait for a class.assignment. Peter agreed，and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus.
我兄弟彼得在明尼阿波利斯的明尼索达大学上学时，有一个学期，他的一位学艺术的朋友问他是否可以用他做 素描 的模特作为课堂作业。彼得同意了。那位艺术生画完了，就把肖像交给了老师。他只得了一个C-.
The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor. The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect.”The head is too big，”the professor explained.”The shoulders are too wide， and the feet are enormous."
那位艺术生找到教授问为什么他的分数这么低。教授告诉他肖像中的比例失调，教授说:“脑袋太大，肩太宽，脚也过于大了。”
The next day,the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He took one Look at my brother."Okay, A minus. "he said.
第二天，那位艺术生带彼得见教授，教授看了我兄弟一眼，并说:“好，可以得A-。”
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4. 简单幽默英语小故事精选
5. 有趣搞笑的英语故事大全
6. 英语幽默小故事带翻译大全
幽默风趣的英语小故事5篇
【 #能力训练# 导语】大多数小朋友都喜欢听故事，如果是英语故事的话，可以在听故事的同时学习英语知识。下面是 分享的幽默风趣的英语小故事5篇。欢迎阅读参考！
1.幽默风趣的英语小故事 篇一
the hare was once boasting of his speed before the other animals. "i have never been beaten," he said, "when i run at full speed, no one is faster than me." the tortoise said quietly, "i will race with you." "that is a good joke," said the hare. "i could dance around you the whole way."the race started. the hare darted almost out of sight at once. he soon stopped and lay down to have a nap.the tortoise plodded on and on. when the hare awoke from his nap, he saw the tortoise was near the finish line, and that he had lost the race.
moral: pride goes before a fall. only by persevering can we achieve our goals.
兔子有一次在其他动物面前夸耀他的速度。“我从来没有被打败过，”他说，“当我全速奔跑时，没有人比我更快。”乌龟平静地说:“我要和你比赛。”“这是个好笑话。”兔子说。“我可以一直围着你跳舞。”比赛开始。那只野兔几乎立刻跑得看不见了。他很快停下来，躺下来打了个盹。乌龟慢吞吞地走啊走。当兔子从午睡中醒来时，他看到乌龟已经快到终点线了，他输了比赛。
寓意: 骄兵必败;只有持之以恒，才能实现目标。
2.幽默风趣的英语小故事 篇二
One day, Zhuang Gong, King of the State of Qi, went out in a chariot to hunt.
一天，齐庄公乘车外出打猎。
On the way, he saw a small insect raise both its arms, trying to stop the wheels of the chariot. Zhuang Gong of Qi was curious and asked the driver:
路上，他看见一只小虫举起双臂，想阻挡车轮前进。齐庄公很好奇，就问车夫:
"What kind of insect is it?"
“这是什么虫子?”
"It is a mantis," the driver replied promptly. "This kind of insect only knows how to advance but not retreat, blindly underrating its enemies and overrating its own abilities."
车夫连忙回答:“这是蝗螂。这种虫子只知前进，不知后退，盲目轻敌，不自量力。”
Hearing the driver's reply, Zhuang Gong smiled to himself and remained silent.
听了车夫的回答，庄公暗自发笑，默默无语。
3.幽默风趣的英语小故事 篇三
Fox is with the grape
Hungry of the fox see the grape to up hang the radiant and extremely keen grape of a string, saliva direct current, and want to pick to eat, but again
Can not take off.See in a short while, helplessly walked, and his side walk the side oneself to fort to by oneself say:" this grape have noes familiar, affirmative Is sour."
This is to say, and the some person's ability is small, and do to not acplish anything, borrow to say the opportune moment immaturity.
狐狸和葡萄
饥饿的狐狸看见葡萄架上挂着一串串晶莹剔透的葡萄，口水直流，想要摘下来吃，但又摘不到。
看了一会儿，无可奈何地走了，他边走边自我安慰自我说：“这葡萄没有熟，肯定是酸的。”
这就是说，有些人本事小，做不成事，就借口说时机未成熟。
4.幽默风趣的英语小故事 篇四
A wild boar was sharpening his tusks against a tree one day when a fox came by.
"What are you doing that for?" asked the fox . "There are no hunters around. Everything looks very peaceful to me ."
"Quite true, "said the boar, "but when the hunter does e with his dogs I shall be too busy running away to have time for this . So let me sharpen my tusks while I can."
Be prepared .
野猪和狐狸
有一天，野猪在树上磨牙齿，狐狸走过来。
"你为什么干这个呀？"狐狸问，"附近又没有猎人，我觉得平安无事。"
"不错，"野猪说，"可是，如果猎人真的带着猎狗来了，我只能逃走，就没工夫干这个了。趁我此刻能够磨，就让我磨磨牙齿吧。"
时刻准备着（有备无患）
5.幽默风趣的英语小故事 篇五
Long ago a great mountain began to rumble and shake.
People came from far and near to see what would happen.
"A great river will be born." said one.
"Surely nothing less than a mighty dragon will e out." said another.
"A god himself will spring form these rocks." said a third.
Finally,after days of expectation a small crack appeared in the mountain. And out popped-a mouse.
Just because someone makes a lot of fuss， it doesn't mean he is important.
很久以前，一座大山隆隆作响，摇晃起来。远近各处的人都来看是怎样回事。
一个人说："要出现一条大河了。"
另一个人说："准会出现一条巨龙。"
第三个人说："从这些岩石中会出现一尊神来。"
等了几天之后，山坡上最终裂开一条小缝，却蹦出来一只耗子。
正因为某人大肆张扬，所以他没有什么了不起。
英语幽默小故事5篇
英语 故事 会出现学生认识或是不认识的单词，而这个单词的重复不断出现，会加深同学们对单词的记忆。这种记忆不是死记硬背，而是在潜移默化中，让学生记住。这次我给大家整理了英语幽默小故事，供大家阅读参考。
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英语幽默小故事1
Don't Pick Up the Money on the Ground
An economist professor and a student are walking down the street when they see a $20 bill lying on the sidewalk in front of them. The student goes to pick up the money but his professor stops him and tells him not to bother.
Why not?
If it were a real twenty-dollar bill, someone would have picked it up already.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
别捡地上的钱
一位经济学教授和一名学生正在大街上行走，这时他们看到前面的人行道上躺着一张20美元面值的钞票。学生走过去准备捡，教授制止了他，告诉他别自寻烦恼。
“为什么不捡?”
“假如那是一张真20美元钞票的话，早就有人捡走了。”
“该发明的都已经被发明出来了。”
英语幽默小故事2
The Less You Know, the More Money You Make
Theorem: Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.
Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows, Power=Work/Time. Since Knowledge=Power, and Time=Money, we have
Knowledge=Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money=Work/Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more money you make.
知识越少挣钱越多
定理：工程师和科学家永远应当比经济专家挣钱少。
下面是对该定理的一个严格的数学证明：
假设一：知识就是力量(Power)。
假设二：时间就是金钱。
每个工程师都知道：功率(Power)= 。既然知识=力量，时间=金钱，我们有：知识= 。求解金钱表达式，我们得到：金钱= 。
因此，当知识趋于零时，无论你做了多少功，金钱趋于无穷大。
结论：知识越少，你挣得的金钱就越多。
英语幽默小故事3
They Should Be Playing at Night
A therapist, a priest and an economist go golfing. The group ahead of them is extremely slow, leading to some frustration among the three. Their complaints are overheard, and a man from the group ahead walks over to them. He introduces himself as an aide because the group of golfers he is with is blind! The aide thanks the three in appreciation for their patience for the blind golfers. The priest goes, "Oh no, all my life I've preached for all to be better to my fellow man and here I am complaining about the blind!" The therapist says, "I've been trained my whole life to help others and here I am complaining about the blind, shame on me!" The economist says, "Oh no! They should be playing at night."
他们本该在晚上打球
神父、心理学家和经济学家三人结伴打高尔夫。前面的一组打球进度极其缓慢，这让三人大为恼火。他们开始抱怨，前面那组中的一人听到抱怨声后朝他们走了过来。他 自我介绍 说是前面那组球手们的助手，因为那组球手都是盲人。助手感谢他们三位耐心等待。神父听后忙说：“哦，不会吧?我一辈子都在祈祷同胞们过上更美好的生活，而我却在这里抱怨这些盲人!”心理学家也赶紧说：“我一生的信条是帮助别人，可是我却在这里抱怨这些盲人，我真惭愧!”这时只听经济学家说：“哦，别这样!他们本该在晚上打球的。”
英语幽默小故事4
A fellow pilot flying over the Midwest heard an air-traffic controller trying to contact an airliner for normal frequency change.“Flight 354，“said the controller，"contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.“The request was repeated several times with no reply from the pilot.Finally，in exasperation the controller raised his voice."Flight 354，Simon says contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.”The call was acknowledged with an emharrassed reply and prompt compliance.
一名飞行员在中西部上空听到地面指挥塔的指挥员在呼叫一民航调整其正常接收频率。"354航班，”指挥塔在呼叫，“请与堪萨斯市中心135.5频率联系。”这一指令重复了几次之后，竟没得到任何回音。最后，指挥塔的指挥员显然是被激怒了，他大声地锐:"354航班，西蒙说速与135. 5预率联系。”这一声显然奏效，只听对方慌忙地做了回答并迅速服从了指挥。”
英语幽默小故事5
Even My Driver Can Answer that Question
A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give a series of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast. For the task, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place . With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on the highly technical lectures. After several lectures, the driver commented to the economist, "You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I could deliver it myself." The economist found this idea intriguing and decided to switch places with him at his next lecture.
The driver gave the talk flawlessly. However, after the lecture, some one in the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had no idea how to even begin to answer. The driver considered it for a moment, and then replied, "That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it."
甚至我的司机都能回答那个问题
一位著名的博弈论专家一获得克拉克奖便开始在东北部各个知名大学展开一系列讲座。为了完成这项任务，他租了一辆车并雇了一名司机载着他到处赶场。没有别的事可做的司机就坐在课堂里听专家那科技含量颇高的讲座。几场讲座下来，司机对这位经济学家说：“我听了这么多次你的讲座，我觉得我自己也能讲了。”经济学家觉得这个想法很有趣，于是决定下次作讲座时他们两个互换位置。
司机完美无瑕地完成了演讲。可是当讲座结束后，听众中有人问了他一个技术含量相当高的问题，他不知如何开口回答。司机沉思了一会，回答道：“这个问题太简单了，连我的司机都能回答。”
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幽默简短的英语小故事
幽默简短的英语小故事 篇1 The Old Cat：An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.
Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."
幽默简短的英语小故事 篇2 Everybody dreams of doing something important. As a boy Raymond dreamed of being a scientist,infact, he is a postman now.
Raymond is an active young man. He livesby the saying“If you can't live the life you love, love the life you live”He greets everyone with a big smileand afriendly“Hi, howare you?”And he really wants to know! It's hardto feel unhappy when we hear him whistling happily up and down the street.
幽默简短的'英语小故事 篇3 Not long after my sister's wedding，one of my father's colleagues and his wife dropped in to see Mom and Dad.The guests had not been invited to the wedding, so when the woman said，”I'm sorry I didn't get over to the church the other day，”Mom assumed she meant the church's Good Cheer Club Tea and Bazaar.
"I'rn glad you didn't.”Mom replied.”You never saw such a mob scene!""I thought I'd like to see how everyone was dressed，"the guest said."What did you wear?"
"Just my old navy print and my oxfords,“said Mom，"and a good thing，too，as we cleared almost a thousand dollars. "
"Did you take a collection?"the woman gasped.“
"Oh, no，“said Mom，"you know how it is，a lot of people come just to look and you don't make a thing out of them，so we decided to charge admission at the door.”
At this point Dad realized signals were crossed，and he suggested to Mom that she explain that my sister's wedding had been neither a mob scene nor a profit-making venture.
幽默简短的英语小故事 篇4 A big一city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted o be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check，the young lawyer couldn’t resist gloating a little over his success，telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man，but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!”
The old rancher replied，"Well，I’11 tell you，young Teller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning.”
幽默简短的英语小故事 篇5 One day, Robin Hood went hunting alone in the forest. He had told his men that if he should fall into any danger and could not escape he would blow his horn so that they might know and come to help him. When he was crossing a river by a long bridge he met a huge man at the middle.
And neither of the two would give way to the other. Robin Hood got angry and put an arrow to his bow and made ready to shoot. The stranger said it was unfair for Robin Hood to shoot a man who had only a staff in his hand. Hearing this Robin Hood lay down his bow and pulled up a small tree and returned to the stranger.
幽默简短的英语小故事 篇6 A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master.
"So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?"
"40," replies the dog.
"How can there be 40?" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!"
"I know," says the dog. "But I rounded them up."
幽默简短的英语小故事 篇7 Many years afterreceivingmygraduatedegree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as afacultymember. One day in a crowdedelevator, someone remarked on itsinefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.
When the door finally opened, I felt acompassionatepaton my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," shewhispered. "Perseverance is a virtue."
幽默简短的英语小故事 篇8 A newly married woman was sitting on a chair, looking vexed, when her husband came home. "What's up? Why do you look so troubled?" the husband asked. The woman replied, "I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and
burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said, "That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same."
"Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair," the wife responded.
幽默简短的英语小故事 篇9 A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.
She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
幽默简短的英语小故事 篇10 The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film. When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them, “you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund you the tickets.”
About half an hour later, the husband asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?” “I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered. “It’s not worth seeing.” “I don’t think much of it, either.” The husband said. “Wake the child up and let him cry.”
幽默简短的英语小故事 篇11 A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.
Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"
幽默简短的英语小故事 篇12 Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before ， so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.
His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.
After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?"
"Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."
幽默简短的英语小故事 篇13 A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog cocked its leg, then urinated on its owner. Calmly, the blind man reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog. A passerby who'd seen everything remarked: "That’s extremely tolerant of you, especially after what he just did.”
"Not really，”came the reply. "I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts.”
幽默简短的英语小故事 篇14 Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he re- quested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came run- ping up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!”
"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"
"No,”she said，"I did better than that! I got the license plate number”
幽默简短的英语小故事 篇15 A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give aseries of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast. For thetask, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place . With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on the highlytechnical lectures. After several lectures, the driver commented to theeconomist, "You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I coulddeliver it myself." The economist found this idea intriguing and decided toswitch places with him at his next lecture.
The driver gave the talk flawlessly. However, after the lecture, some onein the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had noidea how to even begin to answer. The driver considered it for a moment, andthen replied, "That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it."
幽默简短的英语小故事 篇16 The miserly millionaire called a family conference, “ I’m placing a box of money in the attic,” he said.” When I die, I intend to grab it on my way up to heaven. See to it that no one touches it until it’s my time too go.”
The family respected his wishes. After his death, the millionaire’s wife looked in the attic. The box was still there. “ THE FOOL!” she said. ”I told him he should have put it in the basement.”
英语搞笑故事
① 英文幽默故事
Marriage Proposal to Bernard Shaw Once a beautiful and dissolute British actress wrote to propose marriage to Bernard Shaw． She said she did not mindBernard Shaw's old age and ugliness because he was a genius． And if they could bine the beauty of the woman with the talents of the great man，that would be greatly harmonious． “With your wisdom and my appearance，our children must be perfect．” Bernard Shaw answered，in a letter，that her imagination wassplendid，“But，what if the children take my appearance and yourwisdom？” 向肖伯纳求婚 英国有位美貌风流的女演员，曾写信向肖伯纳求婚。她说，因为他是个天才，她不嫌肖伯纳年迈丑陋。假如能使女郎的美貌和超人的天才结合，那该是多么协调啊。“咱们的后代有你的智慧和我的美貌，那一定是十全十美了。” 肖伯纳给她回了一封信说，她的想象很是美妙，“可是，假如生下的孩子外貌象我，而智慧又象你，那又该怎么办呢？”
② 幽默英语故事
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse es up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got ins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse es up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse es up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got ins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
③ 英语幽默笑话故事
Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a *** all box with holes punched in the top. " What's in your box?" asked the friend. "A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them." "But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend. "So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown. 猫和老鼠 布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。“盒子里装的是什么？”朋友问道。“一只小猫，”布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。“小猫也是假想的。”布朗夫人小声说道。
④ 关于英语的幽默故事
Three Surgeons 三个有名的外科医生 Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "A man came to me who had his hand cut off," said one. "Today that man is a concert violinist." "That's nothing," said another. "A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner." "I can top both of you," said the third. "One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horse's posterior - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate." 三个有名的外科医生正在吹嘘他们的技术。“一个人断了一只手，他来找我，”一个说，“如今那个人是个音乐会的小提琴手。” “这算不了什么，”另一个说。“一个家伙两条腿断了，他来找我，我将它们接了回去。如今，那人是马拉松选手。” “我比你们两个都强，”第三个说，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的车祸。除了一个马 *** ，和一幅眼睛，什么都没有留下。如今，那人坐在美国参议院里。” 一天3个人比赛射击。A，50步射中某人头上的苹果说：I am A。B，100步射中说：I am B。C，150步，开枪后说：I am sorry.
⑤ 四个英语经典搞笑故事
My First and My Last When Gee was thirty-five, he bought a *** all plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks. Gee had a friend. His name was Mark. One day Gee offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a *** all one, so I'll go." They went up, and Gee flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air. When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, Gee, thank you very much for those o trips in your plane." Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?" "Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark. 第一次与最后一次 乔治35岁时买了架小型飞机，并开始学习驾驶。不久，他就能很娴熟地驾机做各种各样的特技飞行了。 乔治有个朋友名叫马克。一天，乔治主动邀请马克乘他的飞机上天兜一圈。马克心想，“我乘大客机飞行过好几次，还从来没有乘过小飞机，我不妨试一试。” 升空后，乔治飞了有半个小时，在空中做了各种各样的飞行特技。 后来他们着陆了。马克很高兴能够安全返回地面。他用颤抖的声音对他的朋友说：“乔治，非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做了两次飞行。” 乔治非常吃惊地问：“两次飞行？” “是的，我的第一次和最后一次。”马克答道。 First Flight Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own *** all phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane. His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes. After a minute or o he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as *** all as ants, don't they?" "Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground." 第一次坐飞机 约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。 他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。 过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是？” “那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。” A Nail Or A Fly? An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour. So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed. Now the old man entered his room. The *** ell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding! 钉子还是苍蝇？ 一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房。他双手各拿一瓶酒。在墙上有只苍蝇，他误以为是枚钉子。他把两只瓶子朝上一挂，瓶子掉下来摔碎了，酒洒了一地。一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后，对他深表同情，决定帮他个忙。 于是，第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时，她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方。 这里，老人回到了房里。倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事。他抬头往墙上一看，苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近，使尽全力拍了一掌。听到一声大叫，好心的女服务员冲进房来。让她大为吃惊的是，可怜的老头正坐在地板上，牙关紧咬，右手滴血不止。 I'll See to the Rest A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage. "Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!" "Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back. "You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest." 其余的事由我负责 一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。 “快点，小姐!”他喊道：“请把门关上。” “噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。 “请把门关上好了，”列车员说：“其余的事由我负责。” Chaude and Cold A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he plained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water." "But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal." "Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C." "Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city." 热与冷 蒙特利尔自助餐厅的一位顾客拧开盥洗室的龙头，结果被水烫伤了。“这太可恶了，”他抱怨道，“标着C的龙头流出的是开水。” “可是，先生，C代表Chaude－法语里代表‘热’。如果您居住在蒙特利尔的话就得知道这一点。” “等等，”那位顾客咆哮一声，“另外一个龙头同样标的是C。” “当然，”经理说道：“它代表冷。毕竟，蒙特利尔是个双语城市。” 这个网站里还有很多//wenku./view/6b5902aad1f34693daef3eb2
⑥ 英语搞笑故事
Weather Prediction An old Indian chief was famous for predicting what the weather would do. A group of people went up to the chief and asked him, "What will the weather be like tomorrow?" The chief replied, "Much rain. Very wet." The next day, it did rain and it was very wet. Some more people went up to the chief and asked, "What will the weather be like tomorrow?" "Much snow. Very cold." Sure enough, it snowed and it was very cold. The next day, people were so impressed with this, they asked him another time. Chief," they asked, "what will the weather do tomorrow?" The chief replied, "I nno. Radio broken."
⑦ 英语幽默小故事50字左右（带翻译）
Q: Why won’t the elephant use the puter?
为什么大象不玩电脑？
A: He’s afraid of the mouse!
他害怕老鼠！
鼠标和老鼠的英文皆为mouse。
mouse [ma?s]n. 鼠标；老鼠；胆小羞怯的人
2.A much worried patiant walked into the doctor's office and asked for help。
"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday."
"Oh, don't worry! All you have to remember is not to *** oke in the next few days." The doctor said.
一位很焦急的病人走到医生办公室寻求帮助。
“医生，我不知道该怎么办。昨天我不小心喝下了一瓶汽油。”
“哦，不用担心。你一定要牢记未来几天不要吸烟就行了。”医生说。
3.A man was hit by a cab in the street.
He was brought to the hospital.
His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."
"Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.
他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."
医生说:"我怕他已经死了."
听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."
妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."
4.A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?"
And God says: "A penny".
Then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?"
And God says: "a second",
Then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?"
And God says "In a second". 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.
他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"
上帝回答:"一便士."
男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"
上帝说:"一秒钟."
最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"
上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
5.Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
6.Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
⑧ 搞笑的英语故事
Talking Dog A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads "Talking Dog for Sale." Intrigued, he walks in. "So what have you done with your life?" he asks the dog. "I’ve led a very full life," says the dog. "I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home." The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, "Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?" The owner says, "Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!" A Baby? A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
⑨ 英语幽默故事
Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking. 老师正在讲课，彼得打起瞌睡来了。 Teacher: Peter！Tell us, what's the biggest in the world? 老师：彼得！你说说，世界上什么最大？ Peter: Well, well....eyelids.... 彼得: 嗯……嗯……眼皮…… Teacher: What？Eyelids？ 老师：什么？眼皮？ Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world. 彼得：是的，老师。因为我眼睛一闭，眼皮就把世界上所有的东西都遮住了 Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!" 疯人院 一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么知道？"第一个人说："上帝对我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！"
儿童双语幽默英语小故事【三篇】
儿童双语幽默英语小故事：白雪公主SnowWhite（一）
SnowWhite
SnowWhiteisbornonacoldwinterday.Sheisaswhiteassnow.Hereyesareverybig,herhairverylongandhervoiceissweet.Sheisverykindandbeautiful.Everyonelovesher.Hermummy,theQueenlovesher,too.Butshedied.
AnewQueencomes.Sheisbeautiful,butbad.Shedoesn’tlikeSnowWhite,becauseSnowWhiteisthemostbeautifulgirlintheworld.
“IwillkillSnowWhite.”SosheordersahuntertokillSnowWhite.Thehunterisanhonestman.“Youareagoodgirl;Idon’twanttokillyou.”SoheletsSnowWhitego.
SnowWhitegoesintoaforest.Shefindsahouse,andgoesintothehouse.Sevendwarfslivethere.TheylikeSnowWhite,andaskSnowWhitetolivewiththem.
Nosooner,thenewQueendies.Becausesheisn’tthemostbeautifulwomanintheworld.
白雪公主
白雪公主出生在一个寒冷的冬天，因此她像雪一样洁白无瑕。她又两只大眼晴，有漂亮的长头发和甜蜜的声音。她又善良又美丽。每个人都很喜欢她。她妈妈——皇后也爱她，但她死了。
一位新皇后来了，她很漂亮但很恶毒。她不喜欢白雪公主，因为白雪公主是世界上最美丽的女孩。
“我一定要杀死白雪公主。“因此，她命令一位猎人去杀白雪公主。这位猎人是一个诚实的人。“你是一个好姑娘，我不想杀你。”所有他放走了白雪公主。
白雪公主走进一片森林，她发现了一个房子，并且走进了房子。七个小矮人住在房子里。他们很喜欢白雪公主并留她一起住下来了。
不久，女皇死了，因为她不是世界上最美丽的人。
儿童双语幽默英语小故事：父母的东西Father’sThings（二）
Father’sThings
WhenPeteris17,heisastallashisfather.Sohebeginstoborrowhisfather’sclotheswhenhewantstogooutwithhisfather’sclotheswhenhewantstogooutwithhisfriendsintheevening.Fatherdoesn’tlikethis.Andhealwaysgetsveryangrywhenhefindshissonwearinganyofhisthings.
OneeveningwhenPeterisabouttogoout;hisfatherstopshiminthelivingroom.HelooksatPeter’sclothesverycarefully.Thenhesaysangrily,“Isn’tthatoneofmyties,Peter?”
“Yes,Father,itis,”answersPeter.
“Andthatshirtismine,too.”
“Yes,that’syour,too.”answersPeter.
“Andyou’rewearingmybelt!”
“Yes,Iam,Father,”answersPeter,“Youdon’twanttoyourtrouserstofalldown,doyou?”
父母的东西
皮特17岁的时候，长得和父亲一样高了。于是，当他晚上和朋友一起出去时，就开始借父亲的衣服穿。可是这位父亲可不喜欢这样，当他发现他的儿子穿他的衣服时，总是非常生气。
一天晚上，皮特准备出去，父亲在客厅里拦住了他。父亲细细打量着皮特的穿着。然后气呼呼的说着;“皮特，那不是我的领带吗?”
皮特回答说：“是的，父亲，是您的领带。”
“还有那衬衫也是我的。”
“是的，衬衫也是您的。”皮特回答说。
“还有呢，你连皮带也用我的。”父亲说。
儿童双语幽默英语小故事：小红帽LittleRedRidingHood（三）
LittleRedRidingHood
LittleRedRidingHoodisalovelygirl.Shelikesredhats.SohermothercallsherlittleRedRidingHood.
Hergrandmalovesherverymuch.Butnowsheisill.Hermotherisbusy.SosheaskslittleRidingHoodtoseehergrandma.
Intheforest,awolfseeslittleRedRidingHood,“Look,littleRidingHood.Ihavechildrenforlunch,thepathgoestohergrandma’shouse.”
Thewolfcomestograndma’shouseandeatsgrandma.Thenhewearsgrandma’sglassesandclothes,andinherbed.
Afterawhile,littleRedRidingHoodcomestograndma’sbed.Tohersurprise,grandma’smouthisverybig.Sosheasks:“Grandma,whyisyourmouthsobig?”“Ieatlittlegirlswiththismouth.”AndherushedatlittleRedRidingHood.
“Help!Help!”ThewolfrunsafterlittleRedRidingHood.Atthistime,ahunterpassesthroughthehouse.HeshootsthewolfandsaveslittleRedRidingHood.Thenhecutsthewolfandgrandmacomesout.
小红帽
小红帽是一个可爱的女孩。她喜欢红帽子，于是她妈妈就叫她小红帽。
她的祖母很爱小红帽，但现在她生病了。小红帽的妈妈非常忙，所有她让小红帽去看望祖母。在森林里，一只狼看见了小红帽。“瞧啊!小红帽。午餐有小孩子可以吃啦!这是一条去她祖母家的路。”
狼来到了祖母家并吃掉了祖母。然后他戴上祖母的眼镜，并穿上祖母的衣服并睡在祖母的床上。过了一段时间，小红帽来到了祖母的床前，使她吃惊的是祖母的嘴巴非常大。于是她问：“祖母，为什么你的嘴巴这么大?”“用它来吃小女孩。”狼说这就扑向小红帽。
“救命，救命!狼追着小红帽。正在此时，一个猎人路过这儿，他用枪打死了狼并救出小红帽;然后他剥开狼的兔子，救出祖母。”
“是的，父亲，”皮特回答说，“您不愿意让您的裤子掉下来吧?”
关于英语小故事1分钟幽默
幼儿 英语 故事 对激发幼儿 学习英语 兴趣,培养幼儿的听、说及交际等诸方面的能力有着不可或缺的作用。我整理了关于1分钟幽默英语小故事，欢迎阅读!
关于1分钟幽默英语小故事篇一
A Jew, an Indian and a black were lined up to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
一位犹太人、一位印第安人和一位黑人列队进入天国之门。
Said the Jew to St. Peter, 66 Frankly, I'm rather surprised to be here. All my life Christians have despised and reviled me. "
那位犹太人对圣彼得说：“坦白讲，能到这里让我蛮惊讶的，我一辈子一直都受到__的轻视和侮辱。”
"That's a great sorrow to us," said St. Peter, "but you won-t find that kind of prejudice here. Here, all are truly equal. Just spell God and you may enter. "
“我们实在感到非常遗憾，”圣彼得说，“但我们这里没有那样的偏见，这里每个人都完全平等，只要拼出G。d这个词你就能进入天堂。”
Next,the Indian came forward and said,"St.Peter,all my life I suffered from poverty and discrimination,and could only live in a reservation.Will I truly be free here?"
那名犹太人正确地拼出 God后，被招入门内。 接着印第安人走向前说道“圣彼得，我一辈子饱受贫穷和种族歧视的打击，而且只能住在居留地内，我在这里能得到真正的自由吗?”
"My son, your troubles are over. Just spell the word God you will be free as a bird. "
“小兄弟，你的烦恼已经结束了，只要拼出God这个词，你就能像小鸟一样自由自在。”
The Indian obliged and he, too, entered the Heavenly Kingdom.
印第安人照着做，不久也被引入天堂。
Next, the black man strode forward. "St. Peter," he said, "all my life people looked down on me and treated me unfairly. That won't happen here, will it?"
接着那名黑人跨步向前，“圣彼得，”他说道，“一辈子人们都瞧不起我，不公平对待我，在这里那些事不会发生吧!”
"Of course not, my boy. We don't do that kind of thing here. Just spell" onomatopoeia "and the Kingdom of Heaven is yours "
“当然不会，我的弟兄，我们不会做那样的事，只要拼出onomatopoeia这个词，天堂之国就是你的了!”
关于1分钟幽默英语小故事篇二
The black couple already had eight children, and Lula May was pregnant with her ninth. Finally she convinced her husband to get a vasectomy.
一对黑人夫妇已有八个小孩，而鲁拉·梅又怀了第九个小孩,最后她说服了她先生去做男性绝育手术。
On the morning of the operation, she was surprised to see her husband putting on a tuxedo and getting into a limousine for the short ride to the hospital.
手术的早晨，她惊讶地看见她老公穿着礼服，乘坐一辆礼车到不远的医院去。
"Say, honey, what's all this about?" asked Lula May.
"亲爱的，这是怎么一回事啊?鲁拉·梅问道。"
"Baby, if you gonna be important, you gotta look important.
"宝贝，如果你想当名大人物的话，就要让人一看就知道你很重要!"
关于1分钟幽默英语小故事篇三
Smith was the manager of a construction',event)">construction company and was taking bids on a new project. The first bidder was a Polish company, and their representative offered to do the job for $ 400,000.
"That seems reasonable," said Smith. "Can you give me a breakdown on that?"
史密斯是一家建设公司的经理，他正负责一个新工程的招标案。第一位投标的是一家波兰公司，他们的代表出价四十万元接那个案子。“似乎很合理，”史密斯说。“你可不可以给我一张明细表呢?”
"Sure," said the Pole, " $200, 000 for labor and $ 200,000 for materials. "
“当然没问题，”波兰公司代表说道，“廿万元工资，廿万元材科费。”
Next to make a bid was the Standard American Construction',event)">Construction Company, which bid $ 800,000.
下一个出标的是美国标准建设公司，他们以八十万元竞标。
"Hmm, that seems a bit high," said Smith. "What's the breakdown?"
“嗯，这个价钱似乎有些偏高，”史密斯说道。“你们有明细表吗?’
" $ 400,000 0n materials, $ 400,000 0n labor. "
“四十万元材料，四十万元工资。”
"I'll get back to you. "
“我以后再同你联系。”
Finally the representative of Cohen, Goldstein and Leibowitz entered Smith's office.
最后可翰·高斯坦·雷伯威兹公司的代表走进史密斯办公室。“一百廿万元是我们竞标的价码，”代表说道。
" $ 1,200,000 is our bid," said the agent."$11 200, 0001 That' s way out of line," exclaimed Smith. "Can you give me a brea kdown on that?"
“一百廿万元这个标高得太过分了，”史密斯叫道：“你可以给我一张明细表吗?"
"No problem," replied the rep. " $400, 000 for me,$ 400 , 000 for you and $ 400 . 000 for the Polacks.
“没有问题，”代表回答道。“四十万元给我，四十万元给你，最后四十万元则给那家波兰佬开的公司。”
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简短搞笑的英文故事大全
一 短小幽默的英语小故事有哪些
短小幽默的英语小故事 1.Lady First 女士优先 A teacher asked her class: "Is the sentence ' The ox and the cow are in the fields' correct?" Most of the children said: "Yes, it is all right!" And only one little boy said: "No, it is not correct. The lady must be mentioned first." 女士优先 一位老师问班上的学生：”公牛和母牛在田里“这个句子对吗？” 大多数学生回答说：“对，一点不错。” 只有一个小男孩说：“不对，应该先说女士。” 2.Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday. Teacher:Then where is the “egg"? Student:In the cake,Sir. 鸡蛋在哪里？ 老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？ 学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。 老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？ 学生：在蛋糕里，先生。
二 英语简短幽默故事
talking clock 会说话的钟 while proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "what is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "that is the talking clock," the man replied. "how's it work?" "watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "knock it off, you idiot! it's o o'clock in the morning!" 一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这 *** ！现在是凌晨两点钟了！” 参考资料： ///s?wd=%bc%c3%c4%cf%d1%ef%b8%f1&cl=3
三 英语简短幽默的小故事（1分半钟）
clock 会说话的钟 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's o o'clock in the morning!" 一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这 *** ！现在是凌晨两点钟了！” 这是第一篇~ A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟." Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse es up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got ins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse es up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse es up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got ins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"! 四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的 经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人 说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝 并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!" 呵呵,一个比一个效率高.
四 英语简短幽默的小故事有哪些
Talking clock 会说话的钟 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's o o'clock in the morning!" 一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这 *** ！现在是凌晨两点钟了！” 这是第一篇~ A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟." Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse es up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got ins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse es up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse es up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got ins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"! 四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的 经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人 说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝 并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!" 呵呵,一个比一个效率高.
五 英文短篇幽默故事
Big Head “来All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head” “Don't listento them.”his motherforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes” “Where's the shopping bag?” “I haven't got one,use your hat.” 大脑袋源 “所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。” “别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说：“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了，去商店买10磅土豆来。” “购物袋在哪？” “我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。”
六 搞笑英文故事（短,易懂）
A little boy asked his mother "Why are you crying?" 一个男孩问他的妈妈：“ 你为什么要哭呢？” "Because I'm a woman," she told him. 妈妈说：“因为我是女人啊。” "I don't understand," he said. 男孩说：“我不懂。” His mum just hugged him and said, "And you never will." 他妈妈抱起他说：“你永远不会懂的。” Later the little boy asked his father,"Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?" 后来小男孩就问他爸爸：“妈妈为什么毫无理由的哭呢？” "All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say. 他爸爸只能说：“所有女人都这样。” The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. 小男孩长大了，成为一个男人，但他仍就不懂女人为什么哭泣。 Finally he put in a call to God; and when God got on the phone, he asked,"God, why do women cry so easily?" 最后，他打电话给上帝；在上帝拿起电话时，他问道：“上帝，女人为什么那么容易哭泣呢？” God said: "When I made the woman, she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world; yet, gentle enough to give fort." 上帝回答说：“当我创造女人时，就让她很特别。我使她的肩膀能挑起整个世界；同时却又柔情似水。” "I gave her an inner strength to enre childbirth and the rejection that many times es from her children." “我让她的内心很坚强，能够承受分娩的痛苦，并能多次忍受来自自己孩子的拒绝。”
七 非常简短的英语幽默故事
来源：网络知道 //./question/121739399?device=mobile&ssid=0&from=844b&uid=0&pu=sz@1320_1001,ta@iphone_2_4.4_3_534,u *** @0&bd_page_type=1&id=&tj=2Fl_1_0_10_title Big Head “All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head” “Don't listen to them.”his mother forted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes” “Where's the shopping bag?” “I haven't got one,use your hat.” 大脑袋 “所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。” “别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说：“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了，去商店买10磅土豆来。” “购物袋在哪？” “我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。” Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for o cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are o cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父亲在哪儿？ 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。 “看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！” “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？” 哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
八 谁有简短一点的英语小故事（要搞笑一点哦）
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I e to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow". 老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到? 汤姆:每当我经过学校的回拐角处,就看见一个牌子上答写着"学校----慢行".
九 英语小故事 比较简单 有点搞笑不要太难得
Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for o cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman,"he answered. "You are a good boy ,"said the mother proudly."Here are o more cents.But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy"
英文幽默故事
① 英语幽默故事
Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking. 老师正在讲课，彼得打起瞌睡来了。 Teacher: Peter！Tell us, what's the biggest in the world? 老师：彼得！你说说，世界上什么最大？ Peter: Well, well....eyelids.... 彼得: 嗯……嗯……眼皮…… Teacher: What？Eyelids？ 老师：什么？眼皮？ Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world. 彼得：是的，老师。因为我眼睛一闭，眼皮就把世界上所有的东西都遮住了 Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!" 疯人院 一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么知道？"第一个人说："上帝对我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！"
② 英文幽默故事
Marriage Proposal to Bernard Shaw Once a beautiful and dissolute British actress wrote to propose marriage to Bernard Shaw． She said she did not mindBernard Shaw's old age and ugliness because he was a genius． And if they could bine the beauty of the woman with the talents of the great man，that would be greatly harmonious． “With your wisdom and my appearance，our children must be perfect．” Bernard Shaw answered，in a letter，that her imagination wassplendid，“But，what if the children take my appearance and yourwisdom？” 向肖伯纳求婚 英国有位美貌风流的女演员，曾写信向肖伯纳求婚。她说，因为他是个天才，她不嫌肖伯纳年迈丑陋。假如能使女郎的美貌和超人的天才结合，那该是多么协调啊。“咱们的后代有你的智慧和我的美貌，那一定是十全十美了。” 肖伯纳给她回了一封信说，她的想象很是美妙，“可是，假如生下的孩子外貌象我，而智慧又象你，那又该怎么办呢？”
③ 英语简短幽默故事
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 Q: What's the difference beeen a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？ Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you enty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂贵的代价 牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。 母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？ 牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了。
④ 英语幽默小故事50字左右（带翻译）
Q: Why won’t the elephant use the puter?
为什么大象不玩电脑？
A: He’s afraid of the mouse!
他害怕老鼠！
鼠标和老鼠的英文皆为mouse。
mouse [ma?s]n. 鼠标；老鼠；胆小羞怯的人
2.A much worried patiant walked into the doctor's office and asked for help。
"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday."
"Oh, don't worry! All you have to remember is not to *** oke in the next few days." The doctor said.
一位很焦急的病人走到医生办公室寻求帮助。
“医生，我不知道该怎么办。昨天我不小心喝下了一瓶汽油。”
“哦，不用担心。你一定要牢记未来几天不要吸烟就行了。”医生说。
3.A man was hit by a cab in the street.
He was brought to the hospital.
His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."
"Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.
他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."
医生说:"我怕他已经死了."
听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."
妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."
4.A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?"
And God says: "A penny".
Then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?"
And God says: "a second",
Then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?"
And God says "In a second". 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.
他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"
上帝回答:"一便士."
男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"
上帝说:"一秒钟."
最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"
上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
5.Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
6.Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
⑤ 英语幽默故事
Delicious！ A Hollywood procer was determined to give his mothera birthday gift that would be better than any his brothers weregiving her． He heard about an amazing bird which could talk inelve languages and sing ten famous operas． He immediately bought the bird and sent it to his mother． It cost him＄50，000． The day after her birthday，he phoned his mother．“What did you think of the bird， Mother？” he asked eagerly．His mother replied，“Delcious！” 说的是一个人花了很多钱买了一只鸟，送给他妈妈，过了一时间儿子问他鸟怎么样，他妈妈说“很美味！” 呵呵~~ 字数不够自己加点啦
⑥ 英语简短幽默故事
talking clock 会说话的钟 while proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "what is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "that is the talking clock," the man replied. "how's it work?" "watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "knock it off, you idiot! it's o o'clock in the morning!" 一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这 *** ！现在是凌晨两点钟了！” 参考资料： ///s?wd=%bc%c3%c4%cf%d1%ef%b8%f1&cl=3
⑦ 英语幽默小故事
Once o hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?" 两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”
⑧ 英文版的幽默故事（不要太长）
Nail or Fly? An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour. So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed. Now the old man entered is room. The *** ell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To er great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding! 钉子还是苍蝇? 一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房。他双手各拿一瓶酒。在墙上有只苍蝇，他误以为是枚钉子。他把两只瓶子朝上一挂，瓶子掉下来摔碎了，酒洒了一地。一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后，对他深表同情，决定帮他个忙。 于是，第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时，她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方。 这里，老人回到了房里。倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事。他抬头往墙上一看，苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近，使尽全力拍了一掌。听到一声大叫，好心的女服务员冲进房来。让她大为吃惊的是，可怜的老头正坐在地板上，牙关紧咬，右手滴血不止。
英语幽默小故事五篇
篇一：A Gentle Reminder
Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"
Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?"
篇二：Lucky Mother
A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?
篇三：How to Become Rich
Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.
篇四：I want a nightmare
Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.
篇五：To Buy a Video
Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video.
I’m afraid we can’t afford one, sighed his mother.
But on the following day in came Amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video.
How on earth did you pay for that? gasped his mother.
Easy, Mum. replied Amos, I sold the television!
