本文目录一览：
- 1、求搞笑英文段子
- 2、英文笑话段子带翻译
- 3、经典搞笑的英语段子
- 4、经典幽默英语段子精选
- 5、超简短的英语笑话段子
- 6、精选励志幽默英语段子
- 7、趣味英语笑话
- 8、求一些搞笑的英文小段子
- 9、塑料英语搞笑
求搞笑英文段子
I`ve Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes,dear," she replied. "Why do you ask?"
"Because I`ve just bitten my tongue!"
我刚咬了自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗？”一条年幼的蛇问它的妈妈。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬了自己的舌头！”
one car come , one car go,two car peng peng, one car die
One day,a farmer met a foreigner，the farmer was hit the foreigner，he said at once：‘I am sorry！’When the farmer said that，the foreigner said：‘I am sorry，too！’Then the farm -er said：‘I am sorry，three！’
搞笑英文段子
1.“You say that you love rain, but you open yourumbrella when it rains.
You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the
sun shines. You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when wind blows. This is why I am afraid, when you say that you love me too.”
你说你爱雨，但当细雨飘洒时你却撑开了伞；
你说你爱太阳，但当日当空时你却往荫处躲；
你说你爱风，但当它轻拂时你却紧紧地关上了自己的窗子；
所以当你说你也爱我，我却会为此而烦忧。
2、My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe “Go to hell.”
我对你的深情无法付诸言语，
除了一句“滚一边去”！
3、My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you has screwed up my life
我的心肝，我的挚爱，我美丽的贤妻，
我这辈子就毁在你手里。
4、Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you ’cause I was pissed.
爱是上天赐福，爱情多么美好，
可我与你同眠只是因为喝醉。
5、Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything you are not.
善良、聪慧、多情而性感，
可惜这些你一条都不占。
英文笑话段子带翻译
英文笑话段子带翻译
会讲笑话的人都是有幽默感的人，有幽默感的人患上抑郁症的可能性就大为减少，接下来一起来看看英文笑话段子带翻译，看看你的幽默指数吧!
英文笑话段子带翻译【1】 Snorer 瞌睡者
The preacher was vexed(生气的) because a certain member of his congregation(集会，圣会) always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start(吓一跳) , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit(讲道坛) , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。
一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来——当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来!”
打瞌睡的人被这突然的`喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。
英文笑话段子带翻译【2】 Sharing the Apples 分苹果
Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said.
So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one.
Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me I'd have given you the large one and had the small one myself.
Well, said Harry, that's what you've got, so what are you worrying about?
妈妈给了哈里两个苹果，一个大一点，另一个小点儿。跟妹妹分着吃。妈妈说。
所以，哈里就把小个的给了妹妹，自己开始啃那个大个的。
哼，妹妹说，如果妈妈给了我，我会把大的给你，把小的留给自己的。
对呀，哈里说，你拿到的不就是小的吗?还着什么急呀?
英文笑话段子带翻译【3】 Intelligent son 聪明的儿子
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"Certainly"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。
儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”
“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”
“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”
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经典搞笑的英语段子
熬夜对身体不好，所以我建议你通宵。Staying up late is not good for your health, so I suggest you stay up all night.整理了一些英语 说说大全 ，欢迎大家阅读！
1、我胖了才显得你瘦，免得我瘦的时候显得你丑。I am fat to look thin, so that I don't look ugly when I am thin.
2、在街上看美女，目光高一点就是欣赏，目光低一点就是流氓。Looking at beauties in the street, the higher one is appreciation, and the lower one is rogue.
3、如果你主动一点，我们不光会有故事，还会有孩子。If you take the initiative, we will not only have stories, but also children.
4、这个世间只有圆滑，没有圆满的。This world only smooth, not perfect.
5、我喜欢交朋友，但不喜欢供祖宗。I like to make friends, but I don't like to offer sacrifices to my ancestors.
6、黑夜给了我一双黑色的眼睛，可我却用它来翻白眼。The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I used it to turn white eyes.
7、即使失败99次，我也要继续下去，最起码凑个整，免得强迫症又犯了Even if I fail 99 times, I will continue, at least to make a whole, so as not to make another obsessive-compulsive disorder!
8、我卖的了梦，装得了酷，我是超级无敌美少女。I sell the dream, pretend to be cool, I am a super invincible beauty girl.
9、幸好追你的时候你重，跑不动。Fortunately, you are heavy and can't run when chasing you.
10、谈一次恋爱，少一个朋友。A love, less friends. 11、早起的鸟儿有早饭吃，晚起的鸟儿有晚饭吃。The early bird has breakfast, the late bird has supper.
12、你那么甜，不适合风吹日晒，适合躺在我怀里。You are so sweet, not suitable for the wind and sun, suitable for lying in my arms.
13、我是水神，我为自己带盐！I am the water god, I bring salt for myself!
14、自从放了暑假，我就把早餐给戒了。Since the summer vacation, I've given up breakfast.
15、当初说好的不让我受一点委屈，果然不止一点点。I was not wronged by what I said at the beginning, and it was indeed more than a little.
16、减肥这种事从来不会船到桥头自然直，你这体重，没到桥头船就沉了。This kind of thing will never go straight from bridge to bridge. Your weight will sink before bridge.
17、我真是个花心的人，暑假刚走了我就想着寒假。I'm really a flowery person. I think of winter vacation just after the summer vacation.
18、听君一席话，省我十本书。Listen to your words, save me ten books.
19、衣柜衣服千千万，只有新的最好看。There are thousands of clothes in the wardrobe, only the new ones are the best to see.
20、你是最好的，如果真有人比你好，我就装作没看见。You are the best. If someone is better than you, I pretend I haven't seen it.
21、孔子不能解决的问题，老子帮你解决。I will help you solve the problems that Confucius can't solve.
22、车到山前必有路，有路我也刹不住。There must be a way to get to the front of the mountain. I can't stop if there is a way.
23、我们说好不分离，要一直一直在一起。We agreed not to separate, to always be together.
24、别和我谈恋爱，虚伪，有本事咱俩结婚。Don't fall in love with me. Hypocrisy. We can get married.
25、从来都不用化妆品，我保持年轻的秘诀就是，谎报年龄。I never use cosmetics. The secret to keep young is to lie about my age.
26、每当我找到成功的钥匙，就有人偷偷把锁给换了。Whenever I find the key to success, someone stealthily changes the lock. 27、愿你们都拥有人人羡慕的爱情，而我有钱就好。I wish you all have the love that everyone envies, and I have money.
28、大姨妈是吐血鬼，卫生巾是吸血鬼。Big aunt is a spitting blood ghost, sanitary napkin is a vampire.
29、怎么把脑子的钱转到银行卡里，在线等，急！How to transfer the money of brain to bank card, online, etc., urgent!
30、前面一只虫飞到我的数学题旁边，看了几眼题目死了。A bug in front of me flew to my math problem and saw the problem dead.
31、想和你喝酒是假，想醉你怀里是真。Want to drink with you is false, want to drunk your arms is true.
32、待我日后嫁得良人，定谢你当年不娶之恩。I will thank you for not marrying when I am married.
33、这世间，真心本就稀缺，更该俭省。In this world, sincerity is scarce, even more frugal.
34、青春就是疯狂的奔跑，然后华丽的跌倒。Youth is crazy running, then gorgeous fall.
35、没有人不会累，只是每个人宣泄的方式不同，比如我：懒得说。No one is not tired, but everyone has different ways of venting, such as me: lazy to say.
以上就是带给大家欣赏的英语 说说大全 ，喜欢记得收藏！
经典幽默英语段子精选
看了那么多中文段子，来看一点英文段子解解腻吧!下面是我为大家整理的经典幽默英语段子精选，希望大家能够喜欢。
经典幽默英语段子精选1：
1、Whatever is worth doing is worth doing well.任何值得做的，就把它做好。
2、Happiness is a way station between too much and too little.幸福是太多和太少之间的一站。
3、In love folly is always sweet.恋爱中，干傻事总是让人感到十分美妙。
4、The hard part isn’t making the decision. It’s living with it.做出决定并不困难，困难的是接受决定。
5、Your happy passer-by all knows, my distressed there is no place hides.你的幸福路人皆知，我的狼狈无处遁形。
6、You may be out of my sight, but never out of my mind.你也许已走出我的视线，但从未走出我的思念。
7、Love is not a maybe thing. You know when you love someone.爱不是什么可能、大概、也许，一旦爱上了，自己是十分清楚的。
8、In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.到头来，你活了多少岁不算什么，重要的是，你是如何度过这些岁月的。
9、When the whole world is about to rain, let’s make it clear in our heart together.当全世界约好一起下雨，让我们约好一起在心里放晴。
10、It’s better to be alone than to be with someone you’re not happy to be with.宁愿一个人呆着，也不要跟不合拍的人呆一块。
经典幽默英语段子精选2：
1、Life is a journey, not the destination, but the scenery along the should be and the mood at the view.人生就是一场旅行，不在乎目的地，在乎的应该是沿途的风景以及看风景的心情。
2、Time goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life. You must never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean to you.时间在流逝，生命中人来人往。不要错失机会，告诉他们在你生命中的意义。
3、I lied when I said I didn’t like you. I lied when I said I didn’t care. I lie every time I try to tell myself I will never fall for you.我说不爱你，那是假话;我说不在乎，那是假话;我告诉自己对你再不会有感觉了，那也是假话。
4、One needs 3 things to be truly happy living in the world: some thing to do, some one to love, some thing to hope for.要得到真正的快乐，我们只需拥有三样东西：有想做的事，有值得爱的人，有美丽的梦。
5、No matter how bad your heart has been broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief. The sun comes right back up the next day.不管你有多痛苦，这个世界都不会为你停止转动。太阳依旧照样升起。
6、Accept what was and what is, and you’ll have more positive energy to pursue what will be.接受过去和现在的模样，才会有能量去追寻自己的未来。
7、Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have.除非你能和真实的自己和平相处，否则你永远不会对已拥有的东西感到满足。
8、If you would hit the mark, you must aim a little above it. Every arrow that flies feels the attraction of earth. -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.要想射中靶，必须瞄准比靶略为高些，因为脱弦之箭都受到地心引力的影响。
9、If you wish to succeed, you should use persistence as your good friend, experience as your reference, prudence as your brother and hope as your sentry.如果你希望成功，当以恒心为良友、以经验为参谋、以谨慎为兄弟、以希望为哨兵。
10、I’ll think of you every step of the way.我会想你，在漫漫长路的每一步。
经典幽默英语段子精选3：
1、all things are difficult before they are easy. 凡事先难后易。
2、within you i lose myself, without you i find myself wanting to be lost again.有了你，我迷失了自我。失去你，我多么希望自己再度迷失。
3、first impression of you is most lasting.对你最初的印象，久久难以忘怀。
4、the more you learn, the more you know, the more you know, the more you forget.the more you forget, the less you know. so why bother to learn.学的越多,知道的越多, 知道的越多,忘记的越多, 忘记的越多,知道的越少, 为什么学来着!
5、the soul cannot live without love. 灵魂不能没有爱而存在。
6、you don’t love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her.你不会因为美丽去爱一个女人，但她却会因为你的爱而变得美丽。
7、atrue friend is some one who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.一个真正的朋友是向你伸出手，触动你心灵的人。
8、 to the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.对于世界而言，你是一个人;但是对于某个人，你是他的整个世界。
9、Love understands love; it needs no talk.相爱的心息息相通，无需用言语倾诉。
10、may your love soar on the wings of a dove in flight. 愿你的爱乘着飞翔的白鸽，展翅高飞。
超简短的英语笑话段子
超简短的英语笑话段子
超简短的英语笑话段子：What has a head, a tail, and no body?A coin!
超简短的英语笑话段子(一) 顾客：小心，你的大拇指在我汤里了!
服务员：别担心，先生，不是很烫!
Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。
“你疯了吗?”顾客喊到，“你的手在我的牛排上!”
“什么?”服务员说，“你想让它再掉地上?”
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my steak?"
"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"
服务员：茶或咖啡?先生。
第一个顾客：我要茶
第二个顾客：我也是茶——杯子要干净的!
服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子?
Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"
1st customer: "I'll have tea."
2nd customer: "Me, too - and be sure the glass is clean!"
(Waiter exits, returns)
Waiter: "Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?"
服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么?
看起来象是在仰泳，先生……
Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir...
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇!
别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Don't worry sir, the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.
服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇!
不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
No sir, that's a cockroach, the fly is on your steak.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇!
别让别人看见，先生，要不别人都要。
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Keep it down sir, or they'll all be wanting one.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇!
我知道，先生，我们没有另收钱。
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Its OK, Sir, there's no extra charge!
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇!
对不起，先生，我弄走那三个时忘了这个。
Waiter, there is a fly in my soup!
Sorry sir, maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three.
服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇!
是的，先生，是开水杀死了它们。
Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!
Yes sir, it's the hot water that kills them.
服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇!
1美元你想要什么——活的.?
aiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!
What do you expect for $1 - a live one?
服务员，汤里有只蜜蜂!
是的，先生，今天苍蝇放假。
Waiter, waiter, there's a bee in my soup.
Yes Sir, it's the fly's day off.
服务员，来杯咖啡，不加奶油。
对不起，先生，奶油没了，不加奶怎么样?
Waiter, I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.
I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?
服务员，你的领带在我的汤里了。
没关系，先生，它不缩水。
Waiter, your tie is in my soup!
That's all right, sir, it's not shrinkable.
超简短的英语笑话段子(二) Wife: "How would you describe me?"
妻子：你会怎么形容我呢?
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK.
Wife: "What does that mean?"
妻子：那是什么意思?
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
妻子：哇，谢谢，但是“IJK”是什么意思呢?
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
丈夫：开个玩笑!
超简短的英语笑话段子(三) Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.
老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。
One boy throws his bag out the window.
一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。
Teacher: who just threw that?!
老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了?
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
男孩：我!我现在要回家了。
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精选励志幽默英语段子
我们很多励志幽默的段子，但是总体会不全面，应该多扩充套件看看国外是怎么励志的。下面是我为大家整理的关于，希望大家能够喜欢。
1：
1、You have to believe in yourself. That's the secret of success. -- Charles Chaplin人必须有自信，这是成功的秘密。 -- 卓别林
2、Gods determine what you're going to be. 人生的奋斗目标决定你将成为怎样的人。
3、The reason why a great man is great is that he resolves to be a great man.伟人之所以伟大，是因为他立志要成为伟大的人。
4、A thousand-li journey is started by taking the first step.千里之行，始于足下
5、A strong man will struggle with the storms of fate. -- Thomas Addison强者能同命运的风暴抗争。 -- 爱迪生
6、pain past is pleasure.忍过痛苦即得快乐。
7、Suffering is the most powerful teacher of life.苦难是人生最伟大的老师。
8、All things are difficult before they are easy.凡事必先难后易。
9、、There’s only one corner of the universe you can be sure of improving, and that’s your own self.这个宇宙中只有一个角落你肯定可以改进，那就是你自己。
10、Where there is life, there is hope.生命不息，希望不止。
2：
1、I feel strongly that I can make it.我坚信我一定能成功。
2、Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.与其诅咒黑暗，不如燃起蜡烛。
3、The shortest answer is doing.最简短的回答就是行动。
4、Four short words sum up what has lifted most successful individuals above the crowd: a little bit more.成功的秘诀就是四个简单的字：多一点点。
5、The car will find its way round the hill when it gets there.车到山前必有路。
6、All things in their being are good for something.天生我才必有用。
7、Difficult circumstances serve as a textbook of life for people.困难坎坷是人们的生活教科书。
8、Failure is the mother of success. - Thomas Paine失败乃成功之母。
9、You have to believe in yourself. That's the secret of success. -- Charles Chaplin人必须有自信，这是成功的秘密。 -- 卓别林
10、The unexamined life is not worth living. -- Socrates混混噩噩的生活不值得过。 -- 苏格拉底
3：
1、None is of freedom or of life deserving unless he daily conquers it anew. -Era *** us只有每天再度战胜生活并夺取自由的人，才配享受生活的自由。
2、Pursue your object, be it what it will, steadily and indefatigably.不管追求什么目标，都应坚持不懈。
3、Living without an aim is like sailing without a pass. -- John Ruskin生活没有目标，犹如航海没有罗盘。-- 罗斯金
74、What makes life dreary is the want of motive. -- George Eliot没有了目的，生活便郁闷无光。 -- 乔治 · 埃略特
5、Towering genius disdains a beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto unexplored.-- Lincoln卓越的天才不屑走旁人走过的路祝寿对联。他寻找迄今未开拓的地区。
6、There is no such thing as a great talent without great will - power. -- Balzac没有伟大的意志力，便没有雄才大略。 -- 巴尔扎克
7、All things in their being are good for something.天生我才必有用。
8、Difficult circumstances serve as a textbook of life for people.困难坎坷是人们的生活教科书。
9、Failure is the mother of success. 失败乃成功之母。
10、For man is man and master of his fate.人就是人，是自己命运的主人。
4：
1、The unexamined life is not worth living. -- Socrates混混噩噩的生活不值得过。 -- 苏格拉底
2、None is of freedom or of life deserving unless he daily conquers it anew. -Era *** us只有每天再度战胜生活并夺取自由的人，才配享受生活的自由。
3、Our destiny offers not the cup of despair, but the chalice of opportunity. So let us seize it, not in fear, but in gladness. -- R.M. Nixon命运给予我们的不是失望之酒，而是机会之杯。因此，让我们毫无畏惧，满心愉悦地把握命运 - 尼克松
4、Living without an aim is like sailing without a pass. -- John Ruskin生活没有目标，犹如航海没有罗盘。-- 罗斯金
5、What makes life dreary is the want of motive. -- George Eliot没有了目的，生活便郁闷无光。 -- 乔治 · 埃略特
6、Towering genius disdains a beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto unexplored.-- Lincoln卓越的天才不屑走旁人走过的路。他寻找迄今未开拓的地区。
7、Keep on going never give up. 勇往直前，决不放弃!
8、We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope. -- Mattin Luther King我们必须接受失望，因为它是有限的，但千万不可失去希望，因为它是无穷的。 马丁 · 路德 · 金
9、Energy and persistence conquer all things. 能量加毅力可以征服一切。
10、Nothing seek, nothing find.无所求则无所获。
5：
1、Cease to struggle and you cease to live. 生命不止，奋斗不息。 -- 卡莱尔
2、A thousand-li journey is started by taking the first step.千里之行，始于足下。
3、Strength alone knows conflict, weakness is below even defeat, and is born vanquished. -- Swetchine只有强者才懂得斗争;弱者甚至失败都不够资格，而是生来就是被征服的。 -- 斯威特切尼
4、The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for circumstances they want, and if they cannot find them, make them. -- Bernara Shaw在这个世界上取得成就的人，都努力去寻找他们想要的机会，如果找不到机会，他们便自己创造机会。 -- 萧伯纳
5、A strong man will struggle with the storms of fate. -- Thomas Addison强者能同命运的风暴抗争。 -- 爱迪生
6、He who seize the right moment, is the right man. 谁把握机遇，谁就心想事成。 -- 歌德
7、Victory won't e to me unless I go to it. 胜利是不会向我们走来的，我必须自己走向胜利。 -- 穆尔
8、Man errs as long as he strives. -- Goethe失误是进取的代价。 -- 歌德
9、The failures and reverses which await men - and one after another sadden the brow of youth - add a dignity to the prospect of human life, which no Arcadian success would do. 尽管失败和挫折等待着人们，一次次地夺走青春的容颜，但却给人生的前景增添了一份尊严，这是任何顺利的成功都不能做到的。 -- 梭罗
10、Where there is life, there is hope 生命不息，希望常在。
的还：
1.经典幽默英语段子精选
2.励志幽默段子精选
3.精选励志段子大全
4.精选幽默语录
5.每日爆笑段子精选
6.精选搞笑段子
趣味英语笑话
趣味英语笑话集锦
你身边真正的朋友，跟你美丑没多大关系，跟你有钱没钱没多大关系，下面，我给大家收集整理了趣味英语笑话集锦，一起来学学幽默，收集好人缘吧!
趣味英语笑话集锦【1】 Hospitality
好客
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese.
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。
The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate.
这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。
The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?"
客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?”
"In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
“在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
趣味英语笑话集锦【2】 留学前，我觉得自己英文还行，甚至讲起英语来还有口头禅，总爱模仿美剧中老美的口音，说话前先来句“You Know…”作为开场白。当时感觉，这样开始对话会产生些许亲近感，能马上跟对方套上近乎。
我们有一门考试是要跟导师面对面坐下交谈的。因为平时上课时我提问比较多，暗自感觉她应该蛮喜欢我。而且我接触到的美国人普遍给人感觉都是挺容易相处的， 所以即使是老师，大家面对面时也能像朋友般。考试的时候，我也想借此营造一种轻松和平等的对话氛围。记得我当时被问及的题目是“你如何看待嘉年华这种形式”。我习惯性地脱口而出：“You know, I haven’t had any carnival before, but…”
正当我准备口若悬河炫耀自己的英语口语时，只见对方面无表情地瞪了我一眼，毫不客气地打断说“I don’t know。”突然间我尴尬得无地自容。更难堪的是，老师还紧接着用质疑的口吻补充道：“Really?You don’t have any carnival before?”那表情仿佛在告诉我，“你从没经历过嘉年华?怎么来回答这个问题?怎么发表你的见解?”
我就知道接下去的对话没可能简单进行了，更别提想得高分了……
提示：You know是一个非正式的表达，所以不合适用于这样的正式场合，也最好不要跟导师这么说。
Can I have another one?
留学地：英国
有次跟英国同学一起去一家餐馆，那里主菜是可以续的。因此一群人兴致勃勃一起前去。主菜分量小，吃一份确实还没饱。我当即想要续一份，于是举着手对服务员 叫唤：“Can I have another one?服务员连忙跑过来惊恐地看看我，再看看我的盘子，问我：“Is there any problem, sir?”我回答：“No, I just want to have another one。”一边说一边还心里犯嘀咕，英国佬也挺抠门的嘛，明明说好能续的，怎么一谈到续餐还要大惊小怪问有什么问题。
对面的同学见状，立马微笑着对服务员解释道：“Just one more,please。”服务员这才跑开去，但仿佛还心有疙瘩。等服务员再端上来一份后，人家还念念不 忘问我是否对主菜有任何问题，我忙不迭地说“没问题，没问题……”接下去的餐只敢埋头闷吃，极为不好意思。
提示：原来这位同学说的那句话，以及说话前的大声召唤状会被人误以为是我对食物不满意，要求更换一份。通常这对一家餐馆来说是一种极大的不满和批评，属于挺原则性的问题。其实要求续餐只需简单说一句“One more，please”即可，意思就是“再给一份”。
where are you from?
留学地：美国
第一次打电话叫TAXI，对方问“where are you from” 我回答CHINA。还在奇怪叫 taxi 还分国籍?想学习更多英语知识，请关注口袋英语aikoudaiyy
对方可能以为我在搞笑，很郁闷的说“sorry, we can not do that。” 我一听，火大。怎么有种族歧视啊。就问： why? 对方愣了半天，挂了。
提示：好吧，我承认这个有点类似“—How are you ? —Fine,thank you。”的这种条件反射，可惜人家出租车司机只是想知道去哪接你罢了。
About telphone number
留学地：加拿大
朋友刚来的时候不认识什么人，所以在班上试图交朋友，一日， 觉得一白人哥们人挺好，于是想要人家电话号码，日后做朋友。
于是问：“HOW MANY IS YOU PHONE NUMBER?” 白人说：“TEN。”
提示：要电话的表达一般是“May I have your phone number?”等，像这种“你电话是多少”的直译显然是不合适的。
Bill bill?
留学地：加拿大
来加拿大的时候，去学校上课谁都不认识，然后中午自己吃饭。听同学说有家的咖啡很不错，然后就想去买。然后走错地方了，跑一个法国餐厅了，然后就坐下来了，点了个最便宜的。
吃完饭，不知道咋埋单。然后看到隔壁桌有个男的说bill。
就听到bill这个词了，然后就把服务生叫过来说："I am finished，bill bill"
然后还顺势用手做手枪的手势指着账单给那女的看，然后人家吓坏了。然后叫了俩男的`过来，把我朋友也吓坏了，解释了半天才出去。
提示：要买单怎么说?口语中：“Check, please!”或 “Bill, please!”就是最地道的表达了!还可以这样表达 “Waiter, I'll take the check。”
其他关于付帐的相关表达还有：pay the tab / pay the bill / foot the bill / square for the meal 等。
Leg?Ham!
留学地：英国
一朋友第一次来英国正好遇上入关检查特严，她妈妈让她给这边的一个朋友带了个金华火腿结果被狗狗闻出来了就被领去office了。然后officer就要她解释用报纸包起来的东西是什么……
我那同学说leg……
然后那officer一脸被吓到的表情，问了句"Pardon?!" 我那朋友很大声重复说leg!
她说我当时想那officer怎么连火腿都不懂，还特地在腿上比划了半天leg啊leg就是leg啊……
提示：让我们复习一下火腿怎么说吧~是 ham 哦。而 leg 则是腿部的统称，第一反应是人腿。所以officer绝对被震惊到了呢~
Yes or No?
有次房东问我 Did u eat anyting yet? 我说no。
她听后重复了一遍 So u didn't eat anyting. 我说 yes。
房东老太太犹豫了下又问"Did u eat ?" 我说 no。
她接着说 So u didn't eat 。我说 yes。
估计她当时要崩溃了
提示：这应该是个很老的段子了，无奈我每次听还是会觉得很好笑。文化差异这东东还真根深蒂固呢。于是再复习一次吧。
英语国家的说话习惯是按照事实情况回答，吃了就是Yes，没吃就是No，不管问句是以肯定开头还是否定。
自由女神像怎么说?
刚到US的朋友，到了纽约，想去看自由女神，但是不知道路。于是乎在路边抓了一个白佬 --Hi, do you know where is the free woman?
白佬愣了半天，支支吾吾：I... don't know...Tell me when you know it。
提示：自由女神的正确说法是“Statue of Liberty”。而这里的free，可以理解成“免费的”。于是这句话自然囧到人家老外了。
土豆泥怎么说?
一天去kfc, 要土豆泥，不会说，就在那里跟cashier苦喊potato sauce，估计她以为我傻呢，给我了七八袋 ketchup。
提示：土豆泥的标准说法是“mashed potato”，而 Ketchup 是番茄酱等的意思，这个词也还有其他拼法： catsup, catchup, ketsup。
外带怎么说?
初来乍到，跑到麦当劳点餐。虽然紧张，但之前表现都很是不错，一直维持到服务员问：“ here or to go?”
第一次接触外带餐这词，还好思维敏捷马上明白过来了，可是嘴上紧张，对着那男服务员直接喊出"Let’s go!"。服务员石化1秒后，说了句OK。
提示：for here: 在这儿吃;to go: 打包带走。这两个词很常用，大家要记得哦。
;
求一些搞笑的英文小段子
"Hard work never killed anybody." but why take the risk ".
翻译：“努力工作不会导致死亡！”不过我不会用自己去证明。
Before liang zhuge coming out, he didnt have experience in leading the army! why i should have experience when look for a job.
翻译：诸葛亮出山前，也没带过兵!凭啥我就要工作经验
I`ve Just Bitten My Tongu: "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother."Yes,dear," she replied. "Why do you ask?" "Because I`ve just bitten my tongue!"
翻译：我刚咬了自己的舌头“我们有毒吗？”一条年幼的蛇问它的妈妈。“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说“你问这个干什么？”“因为我刚刚咬了自己的舌头！”
One needs at least two adventures a day: an act of shamelessly pretending to be gay, and an orgy of midnight snack without delay.——Harvard U Motto
人的一天至少有两次冲动：一次奋不顾身的傲娇，和一次说吃就吃的夜宵。
A pigeon pull excrement to daddy's face, dad: get a piece of paper! Son: it fly so high, how can I help it up!
一只鸽子把屎拉到爸爸脸上，爸爸：快拿张纸来！儿子：它飞那么高，我怎么帮它擦屁股啊！
扩展资料： 段子”本是相声中的一个艺术术语，指的是相声作品中一节或一段艺术内容。
而随着人们对“段子”一词的频繁使用其内涵也悄悄地发生了变化，人们在不觉中主观地将其融入了一些独特的内涵。
现在该词除了有原来的意思还是声乐类节目或文学作品的俗称，于是“冷段子”（内涵段子）、“黑段子”（恐怖故事）也随着该词涵义的扩大而出现了。
参考资料：段子-百度百科
医院里传来新生儿的笑声，医生们很奇怪，掰开刚出生的婴儿紧紧握着的拳头。看到了一片药丸。这时婴儿开口说话了：妈的，想干掉我，没那么容易。
I`ve Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes,dear," she replied. "Why do you ask?"
"Because I`ve just bitten my tongue!"
我刚咬了自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗？”一条年幼的蛇问它的妈妈。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬了自己的舌头！”
1.Long,long ago,there lived a fortune-teller.He boasted(吹嘘)that he could foresee(未卜先知)everything.But there was a young man who didn't believe him.
2.One day the young man came to the fortune-teller.He wanted to play a trick on him."Will you please foretell my fortune,sir?"he siad."Well,well,come along,"said the fortune-teller.
3.After the foetune-telling,the young man stood up and started to leave.The fortune-teller got worried and stoppedthe young man ."you haven't paid the money for that.hoHOW can you leave now?"he said.
塑料英语搞笑
塑料英语搞笑段子如下：
Know is know，no know is no know.（ 知之为知之，不知为不知）。
long time no see.（很久不见）。
You give me stop.（你给我站住）。
open the door see mountain.(开门见山）。
people mountain people sea.（人山人海）。
horse horse tiger tiger.（马马虎虎）。
five flowers eight doors.（五花八门）。
no three no four.（不三不四）。
we two who and who?（我们俩谁跟谁）？
seven up eight down.(七上八下)。
good goods tudy,day day up. (好好学习每天向上)。
go ahead! (去个头)！
giveyousomecolorseesee!（给你点颜色看看）！
givemetakedown.(给我拿下）。
Howoldareyou?（怎样老是你）？
