本文目录一览：
- 1、英语幽默笑话
- 2、关于英语对话笑话带翻译
- 3、英语笑话对话精选
- 4、英语对话小笑话带翻译？
- 5、有关英语短笑话带翻译精选？
- 6、英语幽默对话短句
- 7、英语搞笑的对话 十万火急!
- 8、英语幽默小对话
- 9、英语课堂上的幽默笑话
英语幽默笑话
英语幽默笑话15则
你身边真正的朋友，跟你美丑没多大关系，跟你有钱没钱没多大关系，下面我给大家收集整理了英语幽默笑话，一起来学学幽默，收集好人缘吧!
1、我懂他的话
While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.
"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.
"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly . A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"
"I'm a dentist," my husband explained.
在饭店吃饭的时候，我申斥我4岁的儿子，因为他满嘴食物在说话。“喔、呢”，我听到的就是这些。 “祖，”我责备道，“没人明白你在说什么。” “他说他要一些番茄酱，”我丈夫平静地说。坐在旁边的一位妇女靠过来问道：“你究竟如何明白他的话的呢?” “我是牙医。”我丈夫解释道。
2、我 可 以 回 家 了
One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed.He was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”
一天，放学以后，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能回答我的第一个问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。”第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板已被乱涂，他非常生气地问：“谁涂的? 请站起来。”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见。”
3、怎么把口香糖取出来呢
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?
怎么把口香糖取出来呢当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢?”
4、谁是世界上第一个男人
A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”“George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly.
“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.“Well,”said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”
“I don’t know what his name was,”said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”
一个老师问她的学生：“谁是世界上第一个男人”一个小男孩立刻大声说：“乔治.华盛顿。”老师带着宠溺的笑容问这个男生：“你如何证明乔治华盛顿是世界上第一个男人呢。”这个男孩子说：“因为，他是第一个挑起战争，第一个主张和平，并且是第一个深得民心的人。”这时，有一个年龄稍大的男孩子举起手来，老师问他，“你认为谁是世界第一个男人?”男孩回答说：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是乔治华盛顿，因为历史书上说，乔治华盛顿和一个寡妇结婚了，所以在他之前，当然还有一个男的啦。
5、没想到那么贵
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."
一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样?”经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。”
6、瞎子的判断
Once there was a blind. One day when he was walking, he
stepped the head of the dog who was sleeping. The dog barked for a while. The blind man went on for miles, this time he stepped the other dog's tail, so this dog barked. The blind man had thought that it was the first dog, so he said in surprise, It's a wonder that the dog is so long.
从前有个瞎子。一天，他正在行路时踩着了一只正在睡觉的狗的脑袋，狗汪汪汪地叫了一阵。这人又往前走，这回踩着的是另外一只狗的尾巴，狗又汪汪汪地叫起来。瞎子以为还是那条狗，惊诧地说：奇怪，这只狗可真够长的。
7、我没有看到另外一块
Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the other.
妈妈：约翰尼，我今天早上在橱子里放了两块点心。现在就剩下一块了。你能解释一下吗?约翰尼：嗯，我想是因为里面太黑我没看到另外那块。
8、好客
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
9、新老师
eorge comes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。“乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗?” 妈妈问。“妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。”
10、铅笔
he Astronaut Pen During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of approximately $$1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
在二十世纪六十年代，美国和苏联正处于太空竞赛的白热化阶段，美国航空航天局决定研制一种圆珠笔，以便在太空舱重力为零的环境下仍然可以书写。经过大量的研发工作，花费了大约一百万美元的成本，太空笔终于研制出来了。那支笔果然可以在太空书写，在回到地球后，作为一样新奇的小玩意儿也确实吸引了一些目光。而面临着同样难题的苏联，则选择了一支铅笔。
11、心不在焉的老师
An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.”
有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。 一个碰见他的`学生说： “晚安，老师。您怎么了?” “啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”
12、谁的儿子最伟大
The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'." The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."
"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.
" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"
四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的儿子。“我的儿子是个教士，”第一位母亲自豪地说道，“他进入房间，人们都说，‘您好，阁下’。”
第二为母亲说：“我的儿子是位主教。他进入房间，人们都称，‘您好，大人’。” “我的儿子是位红衣主教，”第三位母亲接着说，“他走进房间，人们都说，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”
第四位母亲略思片刻。“我的儿子身高六英尺十，体重三百磅，”她说，“他要是走入房间，人们都说‘哦，我的上帝’!
13、国王的兄弟
A poor man， presenting himself before the King of Spain，asked his charity， telling him that he was his brother． Theking desiring to know how he claimed kindred to him， the poorfellow replied，“We are all descended from one common fatherand mother—viz．， Adam and Eve．” Upon which the kinggave him a little copper piece of money． The poor man beganto bemoan himself， saying，“Is it possible that your Majestyshould give no more than this to your brother？”“Away，away，”replies the king；“if all the brothers you have in theworld give you as much as I have done， you'll be richer than Iam．”
一个穷汉去见西班牙国王，说自己是他的兄弟，求他施恩周济。国王想知道他何以攀认亲戚，穷汉回答说，“我们有共同的祖先——亚 当和夏娃。”听了这话，国王就给了他一个小铜子儿。于是穷人开始叫屈，说：“难道您国王陛下就给兄弟这么一点点钱吗？”“走开，快走，”国王回答，“如果世界上你所有的兄弟们都像我这样给你一个铜板，你就比我还有钱了。”
14、和上帝对话
He says: "God,what is a million dollars to you?"and God says: "A penny,then the man says: "God,what is a million years to you?”and God says: ¨a second", then the man says: “God,can I have a penny ?"and God says:"In a second."
他问：“主啊，一百万美元对你意味着多少?”上帝回答：¨一便士。” 男子又问：“那一百万年呢，?”上帝说：“一秒钟。”最后男子请求道：”上帝，我能得到一便士吗?“上帝回答：“过一秒钟。”
15、 成年人的抉择
The year before my son turned 18, he constantly pleaded to be allowed to a have tattoo, but I refused to sign permission for one.He argued that soon he would be a man and he should be able to make adult decisions. Sure enough,a few days after his 18th birthday,he come home with a tattoo. Although l was not happy about this, I was curious to see what symbol of masculin', he had chosen. There, on his shoulder,was a two inch image of Mickey Mouse.
我儿子十八岁前的那一年，常常向我提出准许他文身。但我拒绝允许他这么做。他争辩说他不久就要成为男子汉了，并说他应该能够做出成年人的抉择了。果然，十八岁生日的几天后，他文了身，回到家里。尽管我对此感到不高兴，但出于好奇，我想看看他选择了什么雄性象征物。原来他在肩上文了一个两英寸长的米老鼠像。
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关于英语对话笑话带翻译
关于英语对话笑话带翻译篇一 TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher:Tom,why are you late for school every day?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go
Slow".
汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆,您为什么每天上学迟到?
汤姆：我每次路过拐角,一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行."
关于英语对话笑话带翻译篇二 The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms. When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?""Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn’t cry, but the teacher did!"
翻译：
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?”
“哭?”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”
关于英语对话笑话带翻译篇三 Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"
翻译：
安眠药
鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。
星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”
“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了?”
英语笑话对话精选
1.He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗? 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿? 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 2.Prize Little Albert came home from school with a new book under his arm. "It's a prize, mother," he explained. "A prize? What for, dear?" "For natural history. Teacher asked me how many legs an ostrich has, and I said three." "But an ostrich has only two legs." "I know it now. But all the pupils said four, so I was the closest." 奖品 小阿尔伯特腋下夹着一本新书从学校回家来了。“这是奖品，妈妈。”他解释道。 “奖品?因为什么得的。亲爱的?” “因为自然课得的。老师问我鸵鸟有几条腿，我说有三条。” “但是鸵鸟是两条腿啊。” “我现在知道了。但其他学生都说有四条。所以还是我最接近正确答案。” 3.A portrait of God A little boy was drawing a sketch with pencil and paper. When his mother asked what he was doing, he answered immediately and with considerable pride: "I am drawing a portrait of God." Being surprised and afraid, his mother said: "You cannot do that. No one has ever seen God. No one knows how God looks." But the little boy replied placently: "Well, when I get through, they will know." 上帝的画像 一个小男孩拿着铅笔和纸在画一幅素描。 他的妈妈问他在干什么时，他马上很自豪地回答说：“我在画一幅上帝的肖像。” 他的妈妈既惊讶又害怕，说：“你不能这样做的，没有人见过上帝，谁也不知道上帝是什么样子。” 可是小男孩得意的回答：“等我画完了，他们就会知道啦。” 4.The remaining sheep The teacher said: "If the shepherd1 put twenty sheep out to feed on the grass in a field, five of them jumped a fence, how many sheep would be left?" "None," called out little Mac. The teacher said: "I am surprised that you can't count correctly. I know that you are good at arithmetic, but you have made such a mistake now." Little Mac said: "You know arithmetic, teacher, but you don't know sheep. I know that if one sheep jumped, the rest will follow it to do the same." 剩下的羊 老师说：“如果牧羊人把20只羊放到牧场上去吃草，有5只羊跳出了围栏，还会剩下多少只?” 小麦克大声回答说：“一只都没有。”老师说：“我很惊讶，你竟然不会算数。我知道你的算术很好的，现在竟会出错。” 小麦克说：“老师，你懂算术，但你不了解羊。英语小故事我知道，若是有一只羊跳了出去，其余的就会跟着她跳出去。” 5.Be Careful What You Wish For A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the hu *** and's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was niy. 慎重许愿 一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。 庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。 妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。 接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。” 仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯!”，他变成了90岁。 zhl201612
英语对话小笑话带翻译？
笑话是日常生活中常见的现象,被广泛应用于电视剧、电影、小品和其他娱乐节目中。下面是我带来的，欢迎阅读!
篇一
I'm a letter-carrier 我是邮递员
A doctor told his patient there was nothing really the matter with him. "All you requir is more outdoor life, walk two or three miles regularly1 everyday. By the way, what's your business?"
"I'm a letter-carrier." the patient answered.
医生告诉他的病人说他没有什么毛病。“你现在需要的就是更多的户外生活，天天坚持走二三里路。顺便问一下，你是干什么工作的?”
“我是邮递员。”病人回答。
篇二
How about just one RIB? 一根肋骨怎么样?
In the Eden, Adam told the God1: "I'm lonely, I need a pany."
"Ok," said the God, "I will give you a perfect woman, beautiful *** art and gentle. She will cook clean and do everything for you, without any plaint2 and question."
"Sounds good," Adam said, "But, to make such a good lady, WHAT is the cost?"
"One arm and One leg."
"OH, expensive!" after thought for a while, Adam asked: "How about just one RIB3?"
在天堂里，亚当对上帝说“我太寂寞了，我须要一个人陪我.”
“好的”,上帝答到.“我将要给你一个完美的女人，美丽、聪明而且温柔，她将毫无怨言地为你烧饭，为你做一切事情。”
“那太好了。” 亚当说道，“但是，要做出这么一个完美的女士，我需要付出什么呢?”
“一只手和一条腿。”
“噢，那代价太大了!”想了一会，亚当接着问：“ 一根肋骨怎么样?”
篇三
They Are Here in My Hand 它们全在我手里
Mrs Williams loved flowers and had1 a *** all but beautiful garden.
In the summer, her roses2 were always the best in her street. One summer afternoon her bell rang, and when she went to the front door, she saw3 a *** all boy outside.
He was4 about seven years old, and was holding a big bunch5 of beautiful roses in his hand.
"I am selling roses," he said6, "Do you want any? They are quite cheap. Five pence7 for a big bunch. They are fresh8. I picked10 them this afternoon."
"My boy," Mrs Williams answered, "I pick9 roses whenever11 I want, and don't pay12anything for them, because I have lots in my garden."
"Oh, no, you haven't," said the *** all boy, "There aren't any roses in your garden -- because they are here in my hand!"
威廉斯夫人喜爱花，而且有一个小而漂亮的花园。
在夏天，她的玫瑰花在她那条街上总是最好的。一个夏日的下午，她的门铃响了，当她去到前门时，看见一个小男孩在门外。
这个小男孩7岁左右，手里拿着一大束漂亮的玫瑰花。
“我在卖玫瑰花，” 这个小孩说，“ 你想买点吗?这些花想当便宜。 5便士买一大束。这些花很新鲜，今天下午我才摘的。”
“ 我的宝贝，”威廉斯夫人回答说，“ 每当我想要玫瑰花时，我就去摘，而且摘了花我也不用付钱，因为在我的花园里有许多玫瑰花。”
“哦，不，你现在没有了，”这个小男孩说，“ 你的花园里没有玫瑰花了——因为它们全在我这手里!”
篇四
Ever catch all the fish? 你把所有的鱼都抓到了吗
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle***一群*** of cars all traveling at the same speed.
However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared1 speed detector2 and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation3***引用，传票***, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair. There were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"You ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Yeah," the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch all the fish?"
有个人在高速公路上超速了，因为夹杂在一群超速的车里，他并不担心被发现。
当这些车通过一个速度探测仪时，他被红外线扫描器发现了，于是被迫停在路边。
交警过来给了他一张***，签名之后，交警准备离开，司机突然说道：“长官，我知道我超速了。但是我觉著这个不公平。刚刚我周围还有很多车开得跟我一样快啊。为什么只有我得到***?”
“你，钓过鱼吗?”长官突然问道，“当然”，司机有点吃惊，他回答。长官咧开嘴笑了，接着说，“你把所有的鱼都抓到了?”
有关英语短笑话带翻译精选？
很多笑话的笑点是需要想像力和联想到一些事情才能正确的领悟这个笑点。我精心收集了有关英语短笑话带翻译，供大家欣赏学习!
有关英语短笑话带翻译篇1
Teacher: Jack, why aren't you listening?
Jack: But, teacher, I'm listening.
Teacher: If you were listening, tell me what I said just now.
Jack: You said, "Jack, why aren't you listening?"
老师：杰克，你为什么不认真听课?
杰克：老师，我正在听课呀!
老师：如果你刚才在听课，那告诉我刚才我说的什么。
杰克：您说的是：“杰克，你为什么不认真听课?”
有关英语短笑话带翻译篇2
Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"
John: "What do you think it is, sir?"
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"
John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"
老师：“John，动词ring的过去分词是什么?”。
约翰：“你想它是什么呢”?
老师：“我不用想，我知道!”。
约翰：“我想我不知道”。
有关英语短笑话带翻译篇3
Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me, Johnny.
Johnny: It's there, sir.
Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?
Sammy: Johnny, sir.
老师: 约翰尼，在地图上给我找出澳大利亚在什么地方。
约翰尼: 先生，在这儿。
老师: 对了。萨默，你来回答是谁发现了澳大利亚?
萨默: 先生，是约翰尼。
有关英语短笑话带翻译篇4
man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second."
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟。”
英语幽默对话短句
1.英语小笑话,简短 He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。
他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。
“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。
“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman！" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。
他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”
“可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。
过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。
你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球， 一个老美看到就笑我说， "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性， 缩写正好是 Adidas） " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快， 联想力这么丰富时，旁边的 一个老美帮我解围， 他说， 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn， 他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢，这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔！ 下次就换你去取笑老美了.。
2.简单搞笑的英语对话 你选选吧
经典对话一：
男：Can I buy you a drink？（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）
女：Actually I'd rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。）
经典对话二：
男：Can I have your name？（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）
女：Why? Don't you already have one？ （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）
经典对话三：
男：I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
女：I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）
经典对话四：
男：Is this seat empty？（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）
经典对话五：
男：Haven't I seen you some place before？（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）
女：Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）
经典对话六：
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday？（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）
女：Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）
经典对话七：
男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）
女：Why? Are you leaving？（是吗？你是说你要离开？）
3.有没有非常实用的英语句子 999句最实用英语口语！ 1。
I see. 我明白了。 2。
I quit！ 我不干了！ 3。 Let go！ 放手！ 4。
Me too. 我也是。 5。
My god！ 天哪！ 6。 No way！ 不行！ 7。
Come on. 来吧（赶快） 8。 Hold on. 等一等。
9。 I agree。
我同意。 10。
Not bad. 还不错。 11。
Not yet. 还没。 12。
See you. 再见。 13。
Shut up！ 闭嘴！ 14。 So long. 再见。
15。 Why not？ 好呀！ （为什么不呢？） 16。
Allow me. 让我来。 17。
Be quiet！ 安静点！ 18。 Cheer up！ 振作起来！ 19。
Good job！ 做得好！ 20。 Have fun！ 玩得开心！ 21。
How much？ 多少钱？ 22。 I'm full. 我饱了。
23。 I'm home. 我回来了。
24。 I'm lost. 我迷路了。
25。 My treat. 我请客。
26。 So do I. 我也一样。
27。 This way。
这边请。 28。
After you. 您先。 29。
Bless you！ 祝福你！ 30。 Follow me. 跟我来。
31。 Forget it！ 休想！ （算了！） 32。
Good luck！ 祝好运！ 33。 I decline！ 我拒绝！ 34。
I promise. 我保证。 35。
Of course！ 当然了！ 36。 Slow down！ 慢点！ 37。
Take care！ 保重！ 38。 They hurt. （伤口）疼。
39。 Try again. 再试试。
40。 Watch out！ 当心。
41。 What's up？ 有什么事吗？ 42。
Be careful！ 注意！ 43。 Bottoms up！ 干杯（见底）！ 44。
Don't move！ 不许动！ 45。 Guess what？ 猜猜看？ 46。
I doubt it 我怀疑。 47。
I think so. 我也这么想。 48。
I'm single. 我是单身贵族。 49。
Keep it up！ 坚持下去！ 50。 Let me see.让我想想。
51。 Never mind.不要紧。
52。 No problem！ 没问题！ 53。
That's all！ 就这样！ 54。 Time is up. 时间快到了。
55。 What's new？ 有什么新鲜事吗？ 56。
Count me on 算上我。 57。
Don't worry. 别担心。 58。
Feel better？ 好点了吗？ 59。 I love you！ 我爱你！ 60。
I'm his fan。 我是他的影迷。
想看更详尽的内容，请查看乐知网的网友课程 。
4.来个搞笑的英语对话 Jack:Tom,who do you think the man with a yellow straw hat on the stool in front of the palm trees? Tom:I guess he must be a fortune teller。
Jack:Are you sure? Tom:Yes,without a doubt。 You see he is looking forward to talking to someone。
Jack:Maybe you are right。 But Tom, can you read the palm? Tom:Yes, I have read a lot of books about reading the palm。
May I read your palm? Jack: Yes,I'd love to。 But I want to make fun of him。
It is very funny。
英语搞笑的对话 十万火急!
英语笑话（一）
老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译.有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽.”
小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来.过了一会儿,小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来.他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去?
小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊!
英语幽默小对话
下面是我整理的英语幽默小对话，欢迎大家阅读!
英语幽默小对话1：
One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.
Girl: Father, I have sinned.
Preacher: What did you do, little girl?
Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.
Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?
Girl: He touched my breast.
Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)
Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.
Preacher: That's no reason to call him that.
Girl: But he also took off my cloth.
Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)
Girl: Yes, that's what he did.
Preacher: That's still no reason to call him that.
Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...
Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)
Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, that's what he did...
Preacher: My dear girl, that's still no reason to call him a...
Girl: But he had AIDS!!
Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!
英语幽默小对话2：
A: You really like my stupid jokes?
B: Yes, they just tear me up! You have such a dry sense of humor and you keep such a straight face that it takes minutes for the joke to dawn on me.
A: Yes, well such jokes aren’t funny if the wisecracker laughs. My father was a great jokester. It sometimes took hours for me and my brother to get the joke.
A: 你真的喜欢我讲的这些愚蠢的笑话吗?
B: 是的，它们都快让我肚皮笑破了!你还真能装，板着个脸，我是过了一会儿才领悟你的笑话的。
A: 讲俏皮话的人自己先笑了，就没意思了。我爸可会讲笑话了，有的时候我和我哥得花上半天功夫才能明白过来。
英语幽默小对话3：
男: This seat empty?(这个座位是空的吧?)
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.(是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。)【我立马走人】
男：Haven''t I seen you some place before?(我好像以前在什么地方见过你?)
女：Yes. That''s why I don''t go there anymore.(是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。)【我不想和你有任何交集】
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?(这个星期六你想跟我出去吗?)
女：Sorry. I''m having a headache this weekend.(抱歉。这个周末我头疼)【^_^头疼也是可以预约的】
男：Can I have your name?(我能知道你的名字吗?)
女：Why? Don''t you already have one? (为什么?你不是已经有一个了吗?)
男：I''m a photographer. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.(我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)
女：I''m a plastic surgeon. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.(我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)【长的真丑】
男：I think I could make you very happy.(我想我能让你非常快乐。)
女：Why? Are you leaving?(是吗?你是说你要离开?)【你能离开就是对我的仁慈】
英语课堂上的幽默笑话
英语课堂上的幽默笑话
笑话指引人发笑的小故事。我整理的英语课堂上的幽默笑话相关内容，希望大家喜欢!
英语课堂上的幽默笑话 篇1 One
小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来。
过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去?
小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊!
Two
某日，小明学习了how to spell it?这一句型。回家后,妈妈看见他手上的玩具表，问道：
妈妈：What’s on your hand?
小明：Watch.
妈妈：How to spell that?
小明：T-H-A-T~
Three
某日，老师教小涛，英语中，姓氏可以放在名字后面。小明放学后碰到一个外国人，于是他勇敢地上去与外国人对话。
小明：How are you? My name is HongTao Liu.
外国人：Oh, my god! 我还是方片七呢!
Fou r
一日，小明心情有很好，于是他夸赞英语老师漂亮。
小明：Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful.
老师听后心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。
小明心想：老师的意思就是“Where? Where?"，天哪，还有这样的人，非要追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底：
"Everywhere, everywhere."
老师：……
Five
小明刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry.
老外应道：I am sorry too.
小明听后又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?
小明无奈，道：I am sorry five.
Six
一日，小明上课打磕睡，于是英语老师向小明提问。
老师：小明，How are you是什么意思?
小明心想：how是怎么，you 是你，于是回答“怎么是你?”
老师很生气，又问：“那How old are you ?是什么意思?”
小明心想：old是老的，于是回答怎么老是你?”
英语课堂上的幽默笑话 篇2 心不在焉的老师
An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.”
有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。 一个碰见他的学生说： “晚安，老师。您怎么了?” “啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”
英语课堂上的幽默笑话 篇3 谁的儿子最伟大
The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'." The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."
"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.
" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"
四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的.儿子。“我的儿子是个教士，”第一位母亲自豪地说道，“他进入房间，人们都说，‘您好，阁下’。”
第二为母亲说：“我的儿子是位主教。他进入房间，人们都称，‘您好，大人’。” “我的儿子是位红衣主教，”第三位母亲接着说，“他走进房间，人们都说，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”
第四位母亲略思片刻。“我的儿子身高六英尺十，体重三百磅，”她说，“他要是走入房间，人们都说‘哦，我的上帝’!”
英语课堂上的幽默笑话 篇4 为什么六怕七呢?
Q: Why was six scared of seven?
A: Because seven "ate" nine.
问题：为什么六怕七呢?
回答：因为七连九都能吃掉呢!
(笑点：本应该是seven eight nine, 但是利用了发音相同，将eight用ate(吃)替换掉了。)
用“beans(豆子)”造句
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
一名老师让学生们利用单词“beans(豆子)”造句，其中一个女孩说“我爸爸种豆子”。另外一个同学说“我妈妈炒豆子”。第三名学生说“我们是人类”。
(笑点：老师让用的单词是beans，豆子的意思，结果，第三个学生将beings 和 beans 搞混了，因为发音相同。)
两块蛋糕
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
Mom: Certainly take this piece and cut it two!
汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗?
妈妈：当然可以，拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧!
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