本文目录一览：
- 1、求搞笑英文段子
- 2、超简短的英语笑话段子
- 3、中式英语笑话精选
- 4、经典搞笑的英语段子
- 5、经典幽默英语段子精选
- 6、段子经典英语笑话
- 7、求一些搞笑的英文小段子
- 8、谁给几个经典的英语段子、
- 9、儿童英语幽默笑话段子
求搞笑英文段子
I`ve Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes,dear," she replied. "Why do you ask?"
"Because I`ve just bitten my tongue!"
我刚咬了自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗？”一条年幼的蛇问它的妈妈。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬了自己的舌头！”
one car come , one car go,two car peng peng, one car die
One day,a farmer met a foreigner，the farmer was hit the foreigner，he said at once：‘I am sorry！’When the farmer said that，the foreigner said：‘I am sorry，too！’Then the farm -er said：‘I am sorry，three！’
搞笑英文段子
1.“You say that you love rain, but you open yourumbrella when it rains.
You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the
sun shines. You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when wind blows. This is why I am afraid, when you say that you love me too.”
你说你爱雨，但当细雨飘洒时你却撑开了伞；
你说你爱太阳，但当日当空时你却往荫处躲；
你说你爱风，但当它轻拂时你却紧紧地关上了自己的窗子；
所以当你说你也爱我，我却会为此而烦忧。
2、My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe “Go to hell.”
我对你的深情无法付诸言语，
除了一句“滚一边去”！
3、My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you has screwed up my life
我的心肝，我的挚爱，我美丽的贤妻，
我这辈子就毁在你手里。
4、Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you ’cause I was pissed.
爱是上天赐福，爱情多么美好，
可我与你同眠只是因为喝醉。
5、Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything you are not.
善良、聪慧、多情而性感，
可惜这些你一条都不占。
超简短的英语笑话段子
超简短的英语笑话段子
超简短的英语笑话段子：What has a head, a tail, and no body?A coin!
超简短的英语笑话段子(一) 顾客：小心，你的大拇指在我汤里了!
服务员：别担心，先生，不是很烫!
Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。
“你疯了吗?”顾客喊到，“你的手在我的牛排上!”
“什么?”服务员说，“你想让它再掉地上?”
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my steak?"
"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"
服务员：茶或咖啡?先生。
第一个顾客：我要茶
第二个顾客：我也是茶——杯子要干净的!
服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子?
Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"
1st customer: "I'll have tea."
2nd customer: "Me, too - and be sure the glass is clean!"
(Waiter exits, returns)
Waiter: "Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?"
服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么?
看起来象是在仰泳，先生……
Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir...
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇!
别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Don't worry sir, the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.
服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇!
不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
No sir, that's a cockroach, the fly is on your steak.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇!
别让别人看见，先生，要不别人都要。
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Keep it down sir, or they'll all be wanting one.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇!
我知道，先生，我们没有另收钱。
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Its OK, Sir, there's no extra charge!
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇!
对不起，先生，我弄走那三个时忘了这个。
Waiter, there is a fly in my soup!
Sorry sir, maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three.
服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇!
是的，先生，是开水杀死了它们。
Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!
Yes sir, it's the hot water that kills them.
服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇!
1美元你想要什么——活的.?
aiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!
What do you expect for $1 - a live one?
服务员，汤里有只蜜蜂!
是的，先生，今天苍蝇放假。
Waiter, waiter, there's a bee in my soup.
Yes Sir, it's the fly's day off.
服务员，来杯咖啡，不加奶油。
对不起，先生，奶油没了，不加奶怎么样?
Waiter, I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.
I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?
服务员，你的领带在我的汤里了。
没关系，先生，它不缩水。
Waiter, your tie is in my soup!
That's all right, sir, it's not shrinkable.
超简短的英语笑话段子(二) Wife: "How would you describe me?"
妻子：你会怎么形容我呢?
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK.
Wife: "What does that mean?"
妻子：那是什么意思?
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
妻子：哇，谢谢，但是“IJK”是什么意思呢?
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
丈夫：开个玩笑!
超简短的英语笑话段子(三) Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.
老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。
One boy throws his bag out the window.
一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。
Teacher: who just threw that?!
老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了?
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
男孩：我!我现在要回家了。
;
中式英语笑话精选
1．we two who and who？
咱俩谁跟谁阿
2.how are you ? how old are you?
怎么是你，怎么老是你？
03．you don`t bird me,I don`t bird you
你不鸟我，我也不鸟你
04．you have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers ！ together up ！
你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们，一起上！
05．hello everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home
有事起奏，无事退朝
06．you me you me
彼此彼此
07．You Give Me Stop
你给我站住！
08．know is know noknow is noknow
知之为知之，不知为不知...
09．WATCH SISTER
表妹
10．dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse'son can make hole!!
龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠的儿子会打洞！
11．American Chinese not enough
美中不足
12．one car come one car go ,two car pengpeng,people die
车祸现场描述
13．heart flower angry open
心花怒放
14．go past no mistake past
走过路过，不要错过
15．小明：I am sorry!
老外：I am sorry too!
小明：I am sorry three!
老外：What are you sorry for?
小明：I am sorry five!
请看下面有关中式英语的小笑话
1．we two who and who!
咱俩谁跟谁啊！
2．how are you ? how old are you?
怎么是你？怎么老是你？
3．you have seed，I will give you some color to see see, brothers ！ together up ！
你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们！一起上！
4．as far as you go to die！
有多远死多远！
5．hello everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home!!
有事起奏，无事退朝 ！！
6．you me you me
彼此彼此
7．You Give Me Stop!!
你给我站住！ ！
8．know is know ，noknow is noknow...
知之为知之，不知为不知…
9．WATCH SISTER
表妹
10．dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse’son can make hole!!
龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠的儿子会打洞！
11.．I give you face you don’t wanna face,you lose your face ,I turn my face
给你脸你不要脸，你丢脸，我翻脸
12．one car come one car go ,two car pengpeng,people die
车祸现场描述
13．heart flower angry open
心花怒放
14．go past no mistake past
走过路过，不要错过
15．小明：I am sorry!
老外：I am sorry too!
小明：I am sorry three!
老外：What are you sorry for?
小明：I am sorry five!
16．If you want money,I have no;if you want life,I have one!
要钱没有，要命一条
17．I call Li old big. toyear 25.
我叫李老大，今年25。
18．you have two down son
你有两下子。
19.好好学习，天天向上：
good good study,day day up!
20、Open the door see mountain
开门见山
21、five flowers eight doors
五花八门
22、people mountain people sea
人山人海
23、Un-ding-able
顶不住了
24、You go see see
你去看看.
25、Moon under old man
月下老人
26.many people die, no see you die.
咁多人死唔见你死。
27.die away
死开
28.If you no three no four, I give you some color to see see!
如果你不三不四，我给你点颜色看看。
29.Ask what ask! 问什么问！see what see 看什么看！laugh what laugh 笑什么笑！
30.
雇主：how much do you want a month? 你一个月要多少钱?
保姆：800 yuan,eat you, sleep you. 800块，吃你的，住你的。
问题来了，那么管吃管住怎么说?
31.
有个朋友来加拿大第一次去吃牛排，服务员问:“How would you like your steak done?”(您的牛排要几分熟?)
我朋友没听懂，就听别人点的时候说“Medium”, 他就想我不能跟他们学。
他就跟服务员说：“Large， please?”
服务员一愣，说：“Sorry， we don’t have that.”
然后他又说：“Small， please?”
服务员又吓了一跳，说：“Sorry， we don’t have that.”
他身边的朋友着急了，告诉他，人家问你牛排要几分熟，他恍然大悟，想了想说：“Eighty percent(百分之八十熟).”
服务员又一愣说：“Sorry， we don’t have that.”
问题来了，那么牛肉的5分熟、7分熟、全熟怎么说?
32.
小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来中式英语闹出的笑话段子中式英语闹出的笑话段子。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去?
小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊!
问题来了，那么文中的go ahead是什么意思?
33.
刚上班不久，有个公司的A/R(Account Receivable会计)打电话来催支票，我循例问了一下他是哪间公司打来的中式英语闹出的笑话。
那男的很有礼貌的说：“This is XXXcalling from Beach Brother.''
听懂了很开心，不过由于对公司名字还不熟，心想先用笔记下来公司名，省得等下忘记了。
正得意忘形之间，顺嘴开始拼写人家公司的名字，还说得一本正经：
''B.I.T.C.H......bitch,correct?''
那男的终于还是没能忍住怒火，近似于怒吼似的对我喊道：
''NO!!!B.E.A.C.H.....BEACH!!!''
接下来的一年里，没再跟这间公司有过任何生意往来……
这个笑话你看懂了吗?
34.
小强去看电影，到了电影售票处，发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带比得好半天，就自告奋勇的上前做翻译，售票小姐说：麻烦你告诉她，现在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站着看。
小强转头就对老外说：no sit see, stand see. if see stand see.
老外回答说：sorry I don’t understand your English.
小强就对售票小姐说：哦，他说他不懂英文.......
怎么说“站票”?
35.
某男，亦粗通英文，至使馆，有表要填，有一栏是：Sex，该男久思，毅然下笔：“Once a week”中式英语闹出的笑话段子笑话大全。
签证官观后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.”
该男顿时赧颜，思之，填下“female”。
官楞之，曰：“shouldn’t it be male?”
男急释曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.”
文中的“sex”是什么意思?
整理：zhl201612
经典搞笑的英语段子
熬夜对身体不好，所以我建议你通宵。Staying up late is not good for your health, so I suggest you stay up all night.整理了一些英语 说说大全 ，欢迎大家阅读！
1、我胖了才显得你瘦，免得我瘦的时候显得你丑。I am fat to look thin, so that I don't look ugly when I am thin.
2、在街上看美女，目光高一点就是欣赏，目光低一点就是流氓。Looking at beauties in the street, the higher one is appreciation, and the lower one is rogue.
3、如果你主动一点，我们不光会有故事，还会有孩子。If you take the initiative, we will not only have stories, but also children.
4、这个世间只有圆滑，没有圆满的。This world only smooth, not perfect.
5、我喜欢交朋友，但不喜欢供祖宗。I like to make friends, but I don't like to offer sacrifices to my ancestors.
6、黑夜给了我一双黑色的眼睛，可我却用它来翻白眼。The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I used it to turn white eyes.
7、即使失败99次，我也要继续下去，最起码凑个整，免得强迫症又犯了Even if I fail 99 times, I will continue, at least to make a whole, so as not to make another obsessive-compulsive disorder!
8、我卖的了梦，装得了酷，我是超级无敌美少女。I sell the dream, pretend to be cool, I am a super invincible beauty girl.
9、幸好追你的时候你重，跑不动。Fortunately, you are heavy and can't run when chasing you.
10、谈一次恋爱，少一个朋友。A love, less friends. 11、早起的鸟儿有早饭吃，晚起的鸟儿有晚饭吃。The early bird has breakfast, the late bird has supper.
12、你那么甜，不适合风吹日晒，适合躺在我怀里。You are so sweet, not suitable for the wind and sun, suitable for lying in my arms.
13、我是水神，我为自己带盐！I am the water god, I bring salt for myself!
14、自从放了暑假，我就把早餐给戒了。Since the summer vacation, I've given up breakfast.
15、当初说好的不让我受一点委屈，果然不止一点点。I was not wronged by what I said at the beginning, and it was indeed more than a little.
16、减肥这种事从来不会船到桥头自然直，你这体重，没到桥头船就沉了。This kind of thing will never go straight from bridge to bridge. Your weight will sink before bridge.
17、我真是个花心的人，暑假刚走了我就想着寒假。I'm really a flowery person. I think of winter vacation just after the summer vacation.
18、听君一席话，省我十本书。Listen to your words, save me ten books.
19、衣柜衣服千千万，只有新的最好看。There are thousands of clothes in the wardrobe, only the new ones are the best to see.
20、你是最好的，如果真有人比你好，我就装作没看见。You are the best. If someone is better than you, I pretend I haven't seen it.
21、孔子不能解决的问题，老子帮你解决。I will help you solve the problems that Confucius can't solve.
22、车到山前必有路，有路我也刹不住。There must be a way to get to the front of the mountain. I can't stop if there is a way.
23、我们说好不分离，要一直一直在一起。We agreed not to separate, to always be together.
24、别和我谈恋爱，虚伪，有本事咱俩结婚。Don't fall in love with me. Hypocrisy. We can get married.
25、从来都不用化妆品，我保持年轻的秘诀就是，谎报年龄。I never use cosmetics. The secret to keep young is to lie about my age.
26、每当我找到成功的钥匙，就有人偷偷把锁给换了。Whenever I find the key to success, someone stealthily changes the lock. 27、愿你们都拥有人人羡慕的爱情，而我有钱就好。I wish you all have the love that everyone envies, and I have money.
28、大姨妈是吐血鬼，卫生巾是吸血鬼。Big aunt is a spitting blood ghost, sanitary napkin is a vampire.
29、怎么把脑子的钱转到银行卡里，在线等，急！How to transfer the money of brain to bank card, online, etc., urgent!
30、前面一只虫飞到我的数学题旁边，看了几眼题目死了。A bug in front of me flew to my math problem and saw the problem dead.
31、想和你喝酒是假，想醉你怀里是真。Want to drink with you is false, want to drunk your arms is true.
32、待我日后嫁得良人，定谢你当年不娶之恩。I will thank you for not marrying when I am married.
33、这世间，真心本就稀缺，更该俭省。In this world, sincerity is scarce, even more frugal.
34、青春就是疯狂的奔跑，然后华丽的跌倒。Youth is crazy running, then gorgeous fall.
35、没有人不会累，只是每个人宣泄的方式不同，比如我：懒得说。No one is not tired, but everyone has different ways of venting, such as me: lazy to say.
以上就是带给大家欣赏的英语 说说大全 ，喜欢记得收藏！
经典幽默英语段子精选
看了那么多中文段子，来看一点英文段子解解腻吧!下面是我为大家整理的经典幽默英语段子精选，希望大家能够喜欢。
经典幽默英语段子精选1：
1、Whatever is worth doing is worth doing well.任何值得做的，就把它做好。
2、Happiness is a way station between too much and too little.幸福是太多和太少之间的一站。
3、In love folly is always sweet.恋爱中，干傻事总是让人感到十分美妙。
4、The hard part isn’t making the decision. It’s living with it.做出决定并不困难，困难的是接受决定。
5、Your happy passer-by all knows, my distressed there is no place hides.你的幸福路人皆知，我的狼狈无处遁形。
6、You may be out of my sight, but never out of my mind.你也许已走出我的视线，但从未走出我的思念。
7、Love is not a maybe thing. You know when you love someone.爱不是什么可能、大概、也许，一旦爱上了，自己是十分清楚的。
8、In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.到头来，你活了多少岁不算什么，重要的是，你是如何度过这些岁月的。
9、When the whole world is about to rain, let’s make it clear in our heart together.当全世界约好一起下雨，让我们约好一起在心里放晴。
10、It’s better to be alone than to be with someone you’re not happy to be with.宁愿一个人呆着，也不要跟不合拍的人呆一块。
经典幽默英语段子精选2：
1、Life is a journey, not the destination, but the scenery along the should be and the mood at the view.人生就是一场旅行，不在乎目的地，在乎的应该是沿途的风景以及看风景的心情。
2、Time goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life. You must never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean to you.时间在流逝，生命中人来人往。不要错失机会，告诉他们在你生命中的意义。
3、I lied when I said I didn’t like you. I lied when I said I didn’t care. I lie every time I try to tell myself I will never fall for you.我说不爱你，那是假话;我说不在乎，那是假话;我告诉自己对你再不会有感觉了，那也是假话。
4、One needs 3 things to be truly happy living in the world: some thing to do, some one to love, some thing to hope for.要得到真正的快乐，我们只需拥有三样东西：有想做的事，有值得爱的人，有美丽的梦。
5、No matter how bad your heart has been broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief. The sun comes right back up the next day.不管你有多痛苦，这个世界都不会为你停止转动。太阳依旧照样升起。
6、Accept what was and what is, and you’ll have more positive energy to pursue what will be.接受过去和现在的模样，才会有能量去追寻自己的未来。
7、Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have.除非你能和真实的自己和平相处，否则你永远不会对已拥有的东西感到满足。
8、If you would hit the mark, you must aim a little above it. Every arrow that flies feels the attraction of earth. -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.要想射中靶，必须瞄准比靶略为高些，因为脱弦之箭都受到地心引力的影响。
9、If you wish to succeed, you should use persistence as your good friend, experience as your reference, prudence as your brother and hope as your sentry.如果你希望成功，当以恒心为良友、以经验为参谋、以谨慎为兄弟、以希望为哨兵。
10、I’ll think of you every step of the way.我会想你，在漫漫长路的每一步。
经典幽默英语段子精选3：
1、all things are difficult before they are easy. 凡事先难后易。
2、within you i lose myself, without you i find myself wanting to be lost again.有了你，我迷失了自我。失去你，我多么希望自己再度迷失。
3、first impression of you is most lasting.对你最初的印象，久久难以忘怀。
4、the more you learn, the more you know, the more you know, the more you forget.the more you forget, the less you know. so why bother to learn.学的越多,知道的越多, 知道的越多,忘记的越多, 忘记的越多,知道的越少, 为什么学来着!
5、the soul cannot live without love. 灵魂不能没有爱而存在。
6、you don’t love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her.你不会因为美丽去爱一个女人，但她却会因为你的爱而变得美丽。
7、atrue friend is some one who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.一个真正的朋友是向你伸出手，触动你心灵的人。
8、 to the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.对于世界而言，你是一个人;但是对于某个人，你是他的整个世界。
9、Love understands love; it needs no talk.相爱的心息息相通，无需用言语倾诉。
10、may your love soar on the wings of a dove in flight. 愿你的爱乘着飞翔的白鸽，展翅高飞。
段子经典英语笑话
段子经典英语笑话
看一些英语笑话，既能让我们学到不少英语知识，也能让我们开心，一起来看看段子经典英语笑话吧!
段子经典英语笑话 If the boys stare at you, they have guts to suckyourteeth!
如果男生盯着你看， 他们就有胆亲你。
这是电视剧Full House里两个姐妹的对话， 这句话有三个地方很棒， 第一个是stare at you, 就是指盯着人家看的意思， have guts 就是说有胆子的.意思， (这是一个巧合， 中文英文说有胆子都是说有勇气的意思!) 而最后一个 suck your teeth 则是指接吻的意思， 很有趣， 但是像这种句子是小孩子说的， 难登大雅之堂。
接吻还有另外一个口语的用法： smooch 例如 I didn't smooch that girl last night。我昨晚没亲那个女孩。
段子经典英语笑话 Amidst the mists and coldest frosts, with stoutest wrists and loudest boasts, he thrusts his fist against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.
A tall eastern girl named Short long loved a big Mr. Little. But Little, thinking little of Short, loved a little lass named Long. To belittle Long. Short announced She would marry Little before long. This caused Little shortly to marry Long. To make a long story short, did tall Short love big Little less because Little loved little Long more?
A Finnish fisher named Fisher failed to fish any fish one Friday afternoon and finally he found out a big fissure in his fishing-net.
A snow-white swan swiftly to catch a slowly-swimming snake in a lake.
A writer named Wright was instructing his little son how to write Wright right. He said: "It is not right to write Wright as 'rite'---try to write Wright aright!"
段子经典英语笑话 The Old Cat
An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.
Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."
老猫
一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。
于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。”
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求一些搞笑的英文小段子
"Hard work never killed anybody." but why take the risk ".
翻译：“努力工作不会导致死亡！”不过我不会用自己去证明。
Before liang zhuge coming out, he didnt have experience in leading the army! why i should have experience when look for a job.
翻译：诸葛亮出山前，也没带过兵!凭啥我就要工作经验
I`ve Just Bitten My Tongu: "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother."Yes,dear," she replied. "Why do you ask?" "Because I`ve just bitten my tongue!"
翻译：我刚咬了自己的舌头“我们有毒吗？”一条年幼的蛇问它的妈妈。“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说“你问这个干什么？”“因为我刚刚咬了自己的舌头！”
One needs at least two adventures a day: an act of shamelessly pretending to be gay, and an orgy of midnight snack without delay.——Harvard U Motto
人的一天至少有两次冲动：一次奋不顾身的傲娇，和一次说吃就吃的夜宵。
A pigeon pull excrement to daddy's face, dad: get a piece of paper! Son: it fly so high, how can I help it up!
一只鸽子把屎拉到爸爸脸上，爸爸：快拿张纸来！儿子：它飞那么高，我怎么帮它擦屁股啊！
扩展资料： 段子”本是相声中的一个艺术术语，指的是相声作品中一节或一段艺术内容。
而随着人们对“段子”一词的频繁使用其内涵也悄悄地发生了变化，人们在不觉中主观地将其融入了一些独特的内涵。
现在该词除了有原来的意思还是声乐类节目或文学作品的俗称，于是“冷段子”（内涵段子）、“黑段子”（恐怖故事）也随着该词涵义的扩大而出现了。
参考资料：段子-百度百科
医院里传来新生儿的笑声，医生们很奇怪，掰开刚出生的婴儿紧紧握着的拳头。看到了一片药丸。这时婴儿开口说话了：妈的，想干掉我，没那么容易。
I`ve Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes,dear," she replied. "Why do you ask?"
"Because I`ve just bitten my tongue!"
我刚咬了自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗？”一条年幼的蛇问它的妈妈。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬了自己的舌头！”
1.Long,long ago,there lived a fortune-teller.He boasted(吹嘘)that he could foresee(未卜先知)everything.But there was a young man who didn't believe him.
2.One day the young man came to the fortune-teller.He wanted to play a trick on him."Will you please foretell my fortune,sir?"he siad."Well,well,come along,"said the fortune-teller.
3.After the foetune-telling,the young man stood up and started to leave.The fortune-teller got worried and stoppedthe young man ."you haven't paid the money for that.hoHOW can you leave now?"he said.
谁给几个经典的英语段子、
·I
feel
a
need,a
need
for
speed.（我感到了一种速度的需要。）
·Who
am
i
now?
I`m
very
driven,very
focused.（我到底是谁？我坚定不移，奋发图强。）
·You
can
never
be
known
for
what
you
want
to
be
known
for ...People
will
know
you
for
whatever
they
want
to
know
you
for.(你想树立一个什么样的形象由不得你，人们心目中已经为你设定好你的形象。）
·I`m
trying
to
stay
sane!(我时刻保持清醒的头脑。）
·I
will
be
back
soon.
Look
after
my
heart,I
have
left
it
with
you.（我立马就会回来的，照看好我的心，我已经把它交给了你。）
帅|哥|够|了|吧|、嗯|嗯|、你|晓|得|我|列|个|人|比|较|懒|、懒|的|打|字|来|的|、
儿童英语幽默笑话段子
1.儿童英语幽默笑话段子
他什么都没听到 Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid." 我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时，我还是非常平静地问她，“有什么问题吗?”“我早上上街了，”女顾客说，“我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹给了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了!”“是什么好东西?”我问。“我丈夫的新助听器”。 2.儿童英语幽默笑话段子
小心有狗 As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!" 一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店，看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着，“危险! 小心有狗!” 进去后，他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。 “这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人问店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 听到这个回答， 陌生人觉得很好笑。“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。 你帖那个告示做什么?” “因为，” 店主解释说，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他绊倒。” 3.儿童英语幽默笑话段子
为什么六怕七呢? Q: Why was six scared of seven? A: Because seven "ate" nine. 问题：为什么六怕七呢? 回答：因为七连九都能吃掉呢! (笑点：本应该是seven eight nine, 但是利用了发音相同，将eight用ate(吃)替换掉了。) 用“beans(豆子)”造句 A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans." 一名老师让学生们利用单词“beans(豆子)”造句，其中一个女孩说“我爸爸种豆子”。另外一个同学说“我妈妈炒豆子”。第三名学生说“我们是人类”。 (笑点：老师让用的单词是beans，豆子的意思，结果，第三个学生将beings 和 beans 搞混了，因为发音相同。) 两块蛋糕 Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please? Mom: Certainly take this piece and cut it two! 汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗? 妈妈：当然可以，拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧! 4.儿童英语幽默笑话段子
One 小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来。 过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去? 小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊! Two 某日，小明学习了how to spell it?这一句型。回家后,妈妈看见他手上的玩具表，问道： 妈妈：What’s on your hand? 小明：Watch. 妈妈：How to spell that? 小明：T-H-A-T~ Three 某日，老师教小涛，英语中，姓氏可以放在名字后面。小明放学后碰到一个外国人，于是他勇敢地上去与外国人对话。 小明：How are you? My name is HongTao Liu. 外国人：Oh, my god! 我还是方片七呢! Four 一日，小明心情有很好，于是他夸赞英语老师漂亮。 小明：Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful. 老师听后心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。 小明心想：老师的意思就是“Where? Where?"，天哪，还有这样的人，非要追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马*拍到底： "Everywhere, everywhere." 老师：…… Five 小明刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry. 老外应道：I am sorry too. 小明听后又道：I am sorry three. 老外不解，问：What are you sorry for? 小明无奈，道：I am sorry five. Six 一日，小明上课打磕睡，于是英语老师向小明提问。 老师：小明，How are you是什么意思? 小明心想：how是怎么，you 是你，于是回答“怎么是你?” 老师很生气，又问：“那How old are you ?是什么意思?” 小明心想：old是老的，于是回答怎么老是你?” 5.儿童英语幽默笑话段子
One day a little white rabbit went to a bakery and asked, "Have you got 100 buns?" 一天有只小白兔来到面包店问：“请问你们有100个小面包吗?” The shopkeeper answered, "Sorry, we don't have that many." 老板回答：“抱歉我们没有那么多。” "Oh, that's a pity!" said the rabbit and left, disappointed. “哦，太遗憾了。”小白兔失望地离开了。 The second day the little white rabbit went to the bakery again and asked, "Have you got 100 buns?" 第二天小白兔又来到那个面包店问：“请问你们有100个小面包吗?” The shopkeeper again answered, "Sorry, we don't have that many." 老板仍回答：“抱歉我们没有那么多。” "Oh, it's a pity," said the rabbit, and again left, disappointed. “哦，太遗憾了。”小白兔又失望地离开了。 The third day the little white rabbit went again to the bakery and asked, "Have you got 100 buns?" 第三天小白兔依然来到那家面包店，问：“请问你们有100个小面包吗?” "Oh, yes we have 100 buns today!" the shopkeeper answered gladly. “啊是的，今天我们有100个小面包啦!”老板高兴地回答。 "That's great, I'll buy two, thank you!" “那太好啦!我买2个，谢谢!” The shopkeeper stood silently. 老板无语了……
