本文目录一览：
- 1、英语幽默笑话7篇
- 2、英语简单幽默笑话精选？
- 3、简短的英语小笑话精选
- 4、搞笑的英语小笑话
- 5、英语小笑话很短的
- 6、有哪些英语小笑话？给我来十个（越短越好）
- 7、英式幽默英语小笑话
- 8、英语幽默短笑话10篇
- 9、英语幽默笑话超短
英语幽默笑话7篇
笑话是一种经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言，笑话是一种艺术 方法 ，用这种方法造成以笑为艺术手段的文学艺术作品。下面是我整理的英语幽默笑话6篇，欢迎大家阅读!
英语笑话 一：Is he dying?
A man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face. A friend walked in and asked why he was so unhappy. The weeping one said, The doctor has just told me I'll have to take these tablets for the rest of my life.
Cheerfully, his friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life. Sure, came the reply, but he only gave me ten.
一个男人坐在酒吧里痛哭流泪。一个朋友走进来问他为何如此伤心。那人哭着说：刚才医生告诉我，在我的余生里都要吃这些药片。
他的朋友很轻松地指出，许多人一辈子每天都要吃药。当然，男人回答说：但是他只给了我十片。
英语笑话二：The blonde and the farmer
There was a blonde that was so sick of blonde jokes she died her hair red. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, she took a ride in the country one Saturday afternoon. While on this ride, she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to take&n......。
一个金发女郎，是那么恶心的黄色笑话她把头发染成红色。笑话停了下来，她觉得很好，她在农村的一个搭车的星期六下午。而在这旅程，她注意到一群羊，停下车来把......。
英语笑话三：太晚了 It's Too Late
A medical student was called on to state how much of a certain drug he would give to a patient. He promptly replied: "Five grains."
A minute later the student asked the professor, "May I correct my answer?" The professor looked at his watch and said: "It's too late. Your patient died thirty seconds ago."
一个医科学生被要求说明他给病人服的那种药的用量。他立即回答道：“五粒。”
一分钟后，这个学生问教授：“我可以改正我的回答吗?”教授看看手表，说：“太晚啦，你的病人已在30秒钟以前死了。”
英语笑话四：The Fish Net
Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?
“你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安?” 老师发问道。
A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.
“把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。”小女孩回答道。
英语笑话五：脑移植 A Brain Transplant
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."
一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。
“你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。”医生告诉病人，“一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。
病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的差别，“政治家的大脑好一些吗?”他问。
医生说：“不是好一些，只是没有用过。”
英语笑话六：最丑的孩子
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
一位女士抱着她的宝宝上公交车，司机看到后说：“额，那是我这辈子见过的最丑的小孩。”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
女士走到车厢后面坐下，感到很愤怒。她对旁边的男士说：“司机刚刚羞辱了我。”男士回应说：“你快上去斥责他。去吧，我替你抱着你的猴子。”
英语笑话七：我娶了你的姐妹
A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
一位妇人发现丈夫回家的时候总是烂醉如泥，她决定为丈夫治好这个毛病。一个 万圣节 夜里，她穿上一套魔鬼戏服，躲在树后，准备在丈夫返家时拦截他的去路。
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
当丈夫走近时，她从树后跳出来，站到他面前，头上带着红色的羊角、身后有长长的尾巴，手中握着钢叉。
"Who are you?" he asked.
“你是谁?”丈夫问到。
"I'm the Devil!" she responded.
“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"
“噢，那你跟我一起回家吧，”丈夫说，“我娶了你的姐妹!”
英语简单幽默笑话精选？
从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松，在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面我为大家带来，欢迎大家阅读!
1
Mr.Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents,so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own *** all phane,Mr.Johnson was very worried about accepting.Finally,however,his friend persuaded him that it was very safe,and Mr.Johnson boarded the plane.
His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport.Mr.Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing,so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.
After a minute or two he opened them again,looked out of the window of the plane,and said to his friend,"Look at those people down there.They look as *** all as ants,don't they?"
"Those are ants," answered his friend."We're still on the ground."
约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机,他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道.所以,有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时,约翰逊先生非常担心,不敢接受.不过,由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的,约翰逊先生终于被说服了,登上了飞机.
他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行.约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落,所以他吓得紧闭双眼.
过了一两分钟,他睁开双眼朝窗外望去,接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人,他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小,是不是?”
“那些就是蚂蚁,”他的朋友答道,“我们还在地面上.”
2
One day a traveling sale *** an was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car.
He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour.The chicken was still keeping up.After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house.
The sale *** an had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane.He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen.
The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he,his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to kill one chicken.
"That''s the most fantastic thing I've ever heard," said the sale *** an."How do they taste?"
"I don't know," said the farmer."We've never caught one."
有一天,一个旅行推销员以时速30英里的速度开车去一个小镇子,忽然他发现有一只三条腿的小鸡在他的车旁奔跑.
他猛踩了一下油门,时速达到了每小时50英里,可是那只小鸡依然没被他的车落下.跑了很久之后,那只小鸡穿过农场的田间小路,最后跑进了农场一间旧房子后面的鸡笼里.
那个旅行推销员看时间还早,就把车也开进了农场的田间小路.他敲了那间旧房子的门,并把他看到的一切都告诉了来开门的那个农场主.
农场主告诉旅行推销员,他是一名遗传学者,他培育出这种三条腿的鸡,是因为他和妻子,还有他们的儿子,都喜欢吃鸡腿.培育出这种三条腿的鸡,当他们全家吃鸡的时候,只需要杀死一只鸡,就可以每个人都能吃到一个鸡腿了.
“这是我听过最奇妙的想法了”,旅行推销员说,“它的味道怎么样?”
“我不知道,”农场主说,“我一次也没有抓住过.”
3
A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him.She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways.Wow,she thought,this crab is really special.I can't let him get away.So they got married immediately.
The next day she noticed her new hu *** and waking sideways like all the other crabs,and got upset."What happened?" she asked." You used to walk straight before we were married."
"Oh,honey," he replied,"I can't drink that much every day.
一只雄蟹遇到一只雌蟹,便要娶她为妻.她注意到他走路是直著走,而不是横著走.哇!她想,这只雄蟹可真特别,我可不能让他跑了.因此他们立刻结婚了.
第二天,她又发现她的新郎像其他蟹一样横著走路了.她深感不安.“你怎么了?”她问,“我们结婚前你可是直著走路的.”
“哦,宝贝,”他回答说,“我不可能每天都喝那么多.”
以上就是我为大家带来的，希望大家喜欢!
简短的英语小笑话精选
笑话从另一个角度反映着人们对于各种现象的态度,笑话是民族幽默的集中体现方式之一。下面是我带来的简短的英语小笑话，欢迎阅读!
简短的英语小笑话精选
(一)
make your own bed
Farmer: If you want to spend the night here, you'll have to make your own bed.
Traveling salesman: That's perfectly all right.
Farmer: Here's a hammer and saw. Good night.
(二)
给父亲账单
Send the Bill to My Father
Doctor: ″I can do nothing for your complaint. It is hereditary.″
Patient: ″then send the bill to my father,please.″
给父亲账单
医生:“对你的抱怨我无能为力。那是遗传病。”
病人:“那请你把账单给我父亲吧。”
简短的英语小笑话阅读
(一)
Excited Remarks
Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I’m going to have one of those someday, his dad’s response always was Not as long as I’m alive.
One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I’m getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.
激动的话
我五岁的儿子对摩托车有强烈的 爱好 。只要看见一辆摩托车,他就会高兴得哇哇直叫,并激动地说:瞧这辆!瞧这辆,我总有一天也要有一辆。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活着,你就别想有这玩艺儿。
一天我们的儿子跟他的小朋友在说话,有一辆摩托车开了过去。他兴奋的指着摩托车叫道瞧这辆!瞧这辆!等我爸一死我就要有这样一辆摩托车了。
(二)
A simple sense
Once upon a time, there were two hungry people got a gift: a senior and a basket fresh fishing huge fish. Among them, a person to a basket fish, another a rod, so they parted. Get the in situ fish sticks who build up a fish, and cook bonfires, yet he tasted the fish meat, fish soup, even in he ate, and soon, he starved to death in the empty fish basket. Another person is carrying rod to starve, step by step, hard to the edge, but when he has not seen the blue sea, he was the last bit of strength and make out, he can only with endless regret looking salto earth.
And two hunger, they also received a gift elders and a basket fishing rod. But they did not each rush thing, but agreed together to find the sea, they only cook fish, they pass distant journey, came to the sea, and they began a fishing day, after a few years, they built a house, with their families, children, had built a boat, the well-being of life.
A person only, get the immediate benefits will be short, One goal, but also to face the reality of life. Only the ideal and the reality, to combine may become a successful man. Sometimes, a simple, but enough to give people a meaningful life.
关于简短的英语小笑话
(一)
BlackBerry or iPhone
BlackBerry has just unveiled its new model handset, the Bold, in an effort to match the competition of Apple's
iPhone. The latter's intuitive touch-sensitive screen has been a big selling point, but critics say the BlackBerry's
keyboard makes it more user-friendly, especially for email. Which gadget tops your wishlist?
(二)
A Half-price Ticket
半价票
"How much is the movie ticket?"
“电影票多少钱一张?”
"Ten dollars, kid."
“10美元，孩子。”
"I only have five dollars. Please let me in. I'll see it only with one eye."
“我只有5美元。请让我进去吧，我只用一中眼睛看。”
搞笑的英语小笑话
搞笑的英语小笑话1：I Wasn't Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!" "I wasn't asleep," the man answered. "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed." "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car." 我没有睡着 当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!” “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。 “没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。” 搞笑的英语小笑话2：The poor hu *** and "You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man plained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong. 可怜的丈夫 “你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。” Who's More Polite? A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down. 谁更有礼貌? 一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。 搞笑的英语小笑话3：Let Dog in Hotel A man wrote a letter to a *** all hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is wele at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're wele to stay here, too." 一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?” 旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单， 餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。 搞笑的英语小笑话4：Intelligent son One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope. After the son es back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?" "Certainly" "You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?" "I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope." "Then why you didn't take it back?" "I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!" 聪明的儿子 有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。 儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?” “我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?” “我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!” 搞笑的英语小笑话5：Put your feet in The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!" 把脚放进去 一个女学生坐在座位上，嘴里起劲地嚼着口香糖，脚却伸到课桌间的走道里，被老师发现了。“玛丽!”老师严厉地叫她。“什么事，老师?”这女学生问。“把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把脚放进去。” 搞笑的英语小笑话6：I Wasn't Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!" "I wasn't asleep," the man answered. "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed." "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car." 我没有睡着 当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!” “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。 “没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。” 搞笑的英语小笑话7：The poor hu *** and "You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man plained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong. 可怜的丈夫 “你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。” 搞笑的英语小笑话8：Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父亲在哪儿? 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。 “看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀!” “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?” 哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。” zhl201612
英语小笑话很短的
笑话是民族文化及社会生活中不可缺少的一环,从古至今都拥有广大的受众,深受人们喜爱。我整理了很短的英语小笑话，欢迎阅读!
很短的英语小笑话篇一 He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗?
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿?
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
很短的英语小笑话篇二 Jim’s History Examination
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him
things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的历史考试
舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样?
母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。
很短的英语小笑话篇三 The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
鱼网
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安?" 老师发问道。
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。
很短的英语小笑话篇四 Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到?
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"
有哪些英语小笑话？给我来十个（越短越好）
1.What's the best day to eat fried fish and chips?那一天是最好的日子去吃炸鱼和薯片？
Fry-Day (近似"friday")
2.What's the best month to eat toast?那一个月是最好的月份去吃土司？
Jam-uary(jam意为果酱，而jam-uary又近似january一月，所以答案为一月）
3.What do you get if you eat too much dessert?当你吃太多的点心时你会得什么？
A stomach-cake(本题答案想表达的是肚子痛，此答案和肚子痛stomach-ache相近）
4.Monster school pupil: What are we cooking for lunch today?
怪物学院学生：今天的午饭要煮什么？
Monster school teacher: Shut up and go to the stove.
怪物学院老师：闭嘴并去到撸子里。
4. What's worse than finding a slug in your salad?有什麼比找到鼻涕虫塞在你的沙拉？
A half slug.半个鼻涕虫。
5.“waiter,waiter.There are some worms on my plate".服务员，服务员，我的盘子里有一些虫子！
"I didn't see any worms.Those are your sausages.我并没有看到什么虫子,那些是你的香肠。
6.Why did the man stare at the carton of orange juice？为什麼男人盯著橙汁纸箱？
Because it said 'concentrate'.因为它说：“集中”。
7.Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的？
汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇动瓶子了
8.A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,'Get the kid.'
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
9.Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
10.
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A:what is your name? 你叫啥名？
B:Hu胡（谐音:谁）
A:you~你
B:Hu~胡
A:Who?谁？
B:yes, I am~是，我就是
A:I want to know your name我只是想知道你的名字
B:Hu胡啊
A:You!你！
B:Yes, my name是啊，我的名字啊
A:So tell me about it那就告诉我啊
B:Hu!胡！
A:You! What is your name!? 你！你叫啥名？！
B:Hu is my name!我就叫胡
A:O~哦
三 Expensive Price
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
昂贵的代价
牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？
牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了
能让我们的老师回去吗？
有一次，一位督学去视察一个只有三间教室的学校。一间教室非常吵闹，因此督学抓住其中一个正在站着说话的人，把他带进另一间教室，并让他站在墙角。五分钟以后，一个小男孩从第一间教室走进来，问道，“您什么时候能让我们的老师回去呢？”
二 Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
One night just before Valentine's Day a woman had a lovely dream about a beautiful necklace.
When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it could mean?"
"You'll find out on Valentine's Day." he said with a knowing smile.
On Valentine's Day, the man gave his delighted wife a beautifully wrapped package.
Excitedly, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".
情人节前一天，一个女人做了个项链的梦。
当她醒来，她和她丈夫说：“我刚梦到你情人节给了我一根珍珠项链。你说那是什么含义呢？”。
“到情人节那天你就会知道了。”他笑着说。
情人节那天，男人给了他老婆一个礼盒。
她很兴奋地打开，看到的却是一本书，书名是《梦的解析》。
1、英语笑话（一）??
老师在黑板上写了一句：Time?is?money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”???
小明上英文课时跟老师说：May?I?go?to?the?toilet????
老师说：Go?ahead.??
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May?I?go?to?the?toilet????
老师说：Go?ahead.??
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？???
小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！???
2、英语笑话（二）??
某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I?am?hong tao?liu，外宾曰：我TM还是方片七呢！???
3、英语笑话（三）??
江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss?Jiang,?you?are?very?beautiful."?翻译照翻，江青心花怒?放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。??
翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where??Where?"?外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere,?everywhere."??
翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："You?are?not?allowed?to?see,?you?are?not?allowed?to?see."??
4、英语笑话（四）???
话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大?拇指道：「I?AM后羿！」??
B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I?AM丘比特！」??
轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！?结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」???
5、英语笑话（五）??
某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，?忙说：I?am?sorry.???
老外应道：I?am?sorry?too.???
某人听后又道：I?am?sorry?three.???
老外不解，问：What?are?you?sorry?for????
某人无奈，道：I?am?sorry?five.?
6、英语笑话（六）??
一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOyOTA！Made?in?Japan!?It?is?very?fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说：?“oh，NISSAN！Made?in?Japan!?It?is?very?fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made?in?Japan!?It?is?very?fast！”??
后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How?Much？”出租车司机说：“1000！”??
日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer（计?程表）！Made?in?Japan!?It?is?very?fast！”?
7、英语笑话（七）??
传说克林顿和教皇同一天去世，上帝搞错了，把克林顿送上了天堂，而把教皇送入了?地狱。发现错误后上帝马上改了回来，路上二人相遇。?精彩继续教皇：感谢上帝，我终于能见到圣母玛利亚了（Virgin?Maria）.?克林顿（坏笑中）：Sorry，it"s?too?late.?
8、英语笑话（八）?
小强去看电影，到了电影售票处，发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带比得好半天，就自告奋勇的上前做翻译，售票小姐说：麻烦你告诉她，现在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站着看。??
小强转头就对老外说：no?sit?see,?stand?see.?if?see?stand?see.?
老外回答说:Sorry?I?don’t?understand?your?English.??
小强就对售票小姐说：哦，他说他不懂英文....
踩了一个老外的脚，为了显示咱国家是有名的礼仪之邦，就先SORRY啦，老外更是礼貌有加，就来个sorry?too.?
two??the?chinese?puzzled.恩，咱中国人还不是得礼尚往来？！~那就I?am?sorry?three~???这下老外蒙了，一句what?are?you?sorry?for??
晕，还有完没完啊，还FOUR？！~哼，偶跟你卯上了，Iam?sorry?five~(who怕?who？！~）?
9、英语笑话（九）?
我朋友在南大看到一非洲老外：“hello，你妈是猴儿。”老外用纯正的天津话说：“你妈是大猩猩！”?
10、英语笑话（十）?
"Are?we?poisonous?"?the?young?snake?asked?his?mother.??"Yes,?dear,"?she?replied?-?"Why?do?you?ask?"??"Cause?I've?just?bitten?my tongue!?"?????????????????????
“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”??“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
英式幽默英语小笑话
英式幽默英语小笑话
1、The thief and the judge
It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked.
"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
法官与小偷
那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉?”他问。
“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。
“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早?”
在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。
2、Jesus's Telly
A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired.
"But what's that in the corner?" asked Mother.
"Oh, that's their telly," replied the tot.
耶稣的电视机
圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。
他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。
“可是那个角落里是什么?”妈妈问。
“噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。
3、What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden ?
Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe
圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么?
答案：锄地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意，ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。)
4、On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel. Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?
Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!
圣诞节前夕，圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯，门还未开前，三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元的钞票，猜猜谁会将它捡起?
答案：当然是圣诞老人啦!为什么?因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。
5、Did You Know Him? At a dinner party in the home of friends, our host mentioned his highschool alma mater. One of the guests asked him if he had been a student there at the same time as a particular vice principal. "I sure was!" answered the host. "He's the biggest jerk I've ever met. Did you know him too?" "Sort of," replied the guest. "My mother married him last Saturday."
你认识他吗? 在朋友家的一次宴会上，主人提起一位高中时的校友。 一位客人问他读书期间，某位副校长是否也在职。 “当然了，”主人答道。“他是我见过的最大的混蛋。你也认识他吗?” “有点认识，”客人回答。“我妈妈上周六嫁给了他。
6、中间战术Midway Tactics
Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.
Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying,
"Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming,
"Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign
that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
中间战术
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”
7、猪或女巫Pig or Witch
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.
A woman is driving down the same road.
As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH!!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner,
he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
If only men would listen.
一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车，一个女人相向驾车而来。
他们相遇时，那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到：“猪!!”
那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道：“女巫!!”
他们继续前行。这个男的在下一个路口转弯时，撞上了路中间的一头猪。
要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。
8、At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend.
"Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said,
"No-engrave it 'To my one and only love'. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."
在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的'礼物。
“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。
那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：
“不--在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”
9、歌德的容忍
Goethe's Tolerance
Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar.
As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him.
Both of them stopped, staring at each other.
Then the critic said, "I'll never make way for a fool."
"But I will," with that Goethe retreated aside.
歌德的容忍
一次，歌德正在魏玛一个公园的一条狭窄小道上散步。
碰巧他遇见一个对他怀有敌意的评论家。
两人都停了下来，彼此相互对视。接着评论家说道：“我从来不给傻瓜让路。”
“可我给。”说完歌德退到了一边。
10、The Mean Man's Party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.
Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said,
"Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow.
When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。
他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，用你的胳膊肘按门铃。
门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢?”
“天哪!” 吝啬鬼回答，“你总不会空着手来吧?”
;
英语幽默短笑话10篇
在繁忙的学习工作中，适时读一些幽默笑话，放松自己，劳逸结合十分重要。下面是我整理的10个英语幽默短笑话，希望大家喜欢!
英语幽默短笑话1. Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV.
Mum:There is no electricity tonight.
Mike:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on.
迈克：妈妈，我想看电视。
妈妈：今晚停电了。
迈克：那我们就点着蜡烛看吧。
英语幽默短笑话2. The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安?" 老师发问道。
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。
英语幽默短笑话3. Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
英语幽默短笑话4. I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
我刚咬破自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么?”
“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
英语幽默短笑话5. It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗?”
英语幽默短笑话6. -- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的?
-- 墓地守墓人。
英语幽默短笑话7. Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
英语幽默短笑话8. Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登 广告 啊!
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
英语幽默短笑话9. —Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
-- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
英语幽默短笑话10. A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，
千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
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3. 最搞笑的英语小笑话十则
4. 10个英语幽默短笑话
5. 英语幽默笑话短
英语幽默笑话超短
man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?" 两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”
Talking clock
会说话的钟
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"
"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"
一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”
Secret For a Long Life
A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?"
"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise."
"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six."
长寿秘诀
一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头。
“我无意中发现，你是多么幸福，”那女士说。“你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么？”
“我每天抽三包烟，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且从来不曾锻炼。”
“哦，真神奇，”女士说。“你高寿？”
1.Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.
在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。
2.Big hands
Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
tudent: Big hands.
大手
老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么？
学生：大手。
3.Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger.
老师：如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半，我能得到几块儿？汤米：四块。老师：那我要是再切两次，我能得到什么呢？汤米：汉堡。
4.
On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were
打电话给女神，喂，我请你去吃饭好吗？
女神：不用了，很抱歉。
屌丝：去吧，我就在你家楼下那辆法拉利里面等你。
女神：真不用了，你看你请我那么多次我都没去，
这次换我邀请你吃饭吧。有时候爱就要执着。
The Fish
What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt.
英语幽默笑话如下：
1.Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.
在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。
2.Big hands
Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
tudent: Big hands.
大手
老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么？
学生：大手。
3.Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger.
老师：如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半，我能得到几块儿？汤米：四块。老师：那我要是再切两次，我能得到什么呢？汤米：汉堡。
4.
On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.
在观看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼儿园老师问学生的观后感。班上最小的女孩说，她希望舞蹈演员可以长得更高一点儿，那么他们就不用整天踮着脚尖了。
5.Correct
Teacher: Jimmy, what are the three words which pupils use most often at school?
Jimmy: I don’t know...
Teacher: Correct.
很对
教师：吉米，学生在学校里经常用的三个字是什么？
吉米：不知道……
老师：很对。
